


Etoile Etiolee's A Series Of Unfortunate Events

by etoile_etiolee



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Pregnant Jensen, Schmoop, graphic birth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-26
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-10 12:27:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 54,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2025132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etoile_etiolee/pseuds/etoile_etiolee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen Ackles has been plagued by bad luck all of his life. His own story is almost funny to him, and he learned to live with it. Finding himself pregnant at 32 years old and unable to find the baby's father, he decides to move away from his too small town he's been, tired to be the principal source of gossip. A domestic bad luck in his new home gets him to meet 24 years old plumber Jared Padalecki. And Jensen finds himself tied to him by a series of unfortunate events... Or are they so unfortunate?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Leaking Pipes

**Author's Note:**

> Beta work by the amazing firensign10
> 
> Disclaimer: All lies, people

 

An unbelievable tale of luck, good and bad ;-)

 

 

It all starts like some sort of stupid, overused porn movie plot.

Not even one week after he’s moved into his new house, Jensen waddles down to the laundry room in the basement to transfer the clothes from the washing machine to the dryer, and finds himself stepping in one inch of cold, soapy water.

Jensen doesn’t swear out loud, doesn’t even think, _fuck my life._. This isn’t a surprising event for him. When you’ve been plagued by bad luck all your life, you get used to this sort of thing.

There is nothing important in the basement; just a couple of boxes filled with old books and cd’s –having the washing machine and dryer located there was enough of an inconvenience as it was. Jensen didn't want to have to come downstairs more often than necessary. He’s not exactly in the best of shape right now.

That’s what he’s thinking of, walking slowly upstairs holding to the handrail, his damp socks making squishing sound on the wood steps. There is no way he can clean all of this on his own, which means he’ll need to find a cleaning company as well. First the plumber, he thinks, grabbing his laptop to find someone.

Less than half an hour later, a giant man with long silky bangs and huge shoulders is standing on the doorstep. He looks ridiculously sexy in his dark blue plumber overalls. He flashes a smile full of dimples and white teeth, and instantly Jensen is almost painfully hard. 

“You’re having pipe problems, sir?” the guy asks, winking at him with amusement, clearly aware of the pun.

“Hum,” Jensen says because damn, all he can think is that he’s wearing old sweatpants and a t-shirt that’s so stretched around his belly, absolutely nothing is left to imagination –meaning, even his stupid-looking popped out navel. Also, he hasn’t shaved in three days and was busy devouring a bag of Cheetos before the whole basement-flood event. He wonders if there are traces of orange coloring around his mouth, or worse, under his fingernails –tthat stuff gets everywhere. And he must have bad breath. And the last shower he took was yesterday morning, and he’s been sweating all night, and…

“Are you alright, sir?” Dream Guy asks. “Listen, it was a joke…”

The rest is lost in the buzz of Jensen’s brain, thinking what a loser he must look right now, and how desperately horny he is. Damn, pregnancy hormones and celibacy are not a good combination. 

“…god, are you alright? Are you having a contraction or-“

The panicked expression on the plumber’s face abruptly brings Jensen back to reality. He frowns, brushes his fingers over his belly. “What? No! I’m… I’m just six months along.”

Then a thought suddenly occurs to him. It’s out of his mouth before he can stop it. “Do I look like I’m ready to pop? God, I do, don't I? I’m just so fucking enormous-“

Blame the fact that he hasn’t talked to a lot of people over the last week, or just plain stupidity. Jensen manages to shut up by the time he feels his ears burning. The plumber is blushing too.

“No, no, you’re not, sir, that’s not what I meant at all, I… Where’s the laundry room?”

“Basement.” Jensen points down in the right direction. “There is water down there, though, so you should-“

“I’m ready,” the plumber cuts in, lifting his right foot to show his heavy, long rubber boots. “Oh, I’m Jared Padalecki by the way”, he adds, showing off the name embroidered on his chest.

“Nice to meet you,” Jensen whispers, still mortified.

“Where’s the water shut-off? I’ll have to close it for a little bit.”

“I have no idea,” Jensen shakes his head. “I’ve just moved in and… yeah.”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Ackles. I’ll take care of everything.” Jared Padalecki flashes his smile again. It’s softer this time, and when he pats Jensen on the shoulder, Jensen shivers violently and blushes even more. How pathetic is that? 

Jensen thinks he tries to say thank you, but it comes out as a very unmanly squeak. Jared the plumber is nice enough not to react to it, in fact he's already on his way to the basement. When he disappears down the stairs, Jensen leans back against the nearest wall and bangs his head on it a couple of times. The little lodger takes this opportunity to kick almost lazily. “Yeah, daddy’s an idiot,” Jensen agrees, patting his belly distractedly.

But daddy’s also horny as hell, and as desperate as he is, why stop now? He moves to the bathroom with the intention to shower, shave, make himself presentable –that is until he realizes as he opens the water tap that there is no water -it’s been cut off. Cursing, Jensen tries to comb his hair a little –it still sticks out on one side, damn it- and shaves with his electric razor –he prefers a close shave and the electric razor is old and irritates his skin in the most uncomfortable way, but too bad, that’s all he has. Afterward, he brushes his teeth without water; it makes his stomach churn, but he stoically ignores it. At least he feels a little fresher. 

He goes into the bedroom and takes out some clean clothes –his best pair of paternity jeans and a green t-shirt that he bought a couple of weeks ago to accommodate his belly. He’s about to get dressed when an idea pops in his mind. The baby’s room hasn’t been unpacked yet, but he finds the box with the wipes and diapers quickly enough. He grabs a pack of wipes and goes back into his room, opens it with his teeth –the smell is intense, something called aloe freshness but curiously smelling like baby powder. _Well, better than old sweat_ , Jensen thinks, making a quick work of cleaning his face, chest, armpits and…

“I’m cleaning my junk with my unborn child’s baby wipes, that’s… just messed up,” he murmurs, blushing even though he’s alone in his room.

Ten minutes after showing the plumber down the stairs, Jensen considers he’s done a good job with what he had to work with. Now, all that’s left to do is to seduce the man, so that he can have sex and not die of blue balls or hormonal overload.

Simple enough.

Jensen winces as he walks back in the kitchen. What if Jared Padalecki isn’t gay? Jensen’s gaydar has been known to fail him before –a couple of times in a very humiliating way. 

What the hell, he thinks, preparing a pitcher of iced tea. It’s not like he’s going to have to see the man on a regular basis. So if his desperate attempt at seduction fails –which is the most probable outcome, let’s not kid ourselves- it will simply end there. Right?

“Needy much, Jensen?” he mumbles, and really, he should try to stop talking aloud to himself. He’s always had a tendency to do it, but it’s been getting worse since he’s been pregnant, especially in the last week or so. Talking to the baby still counts as talking aloud to himself. He’s going to end up like a crazy cat lady –well, man, single father to top it.

“You poor baby, you. You’re stuck with me,” he whispers down at his belly and look, there it is, the talking out loud thing again.

He’s a lost cause.

It’s not long before he can hear the plumber’s heavy footsteps up the stairs. Jensen tries to look casual, leaning against the kitchen counter next to the iced tea pitcher. Jared finds him like that. He’s got his boots in one hand and his plumber kit in the other. He freezes a second, probably a little surprised by Jensen’s new appearance, but then he smiles –again, and Jensen didn’t even know a smile could give him the beginning of a boner, but yeah, it does.

“It’s fixed,” Jared Padalecki tells him, dropping his boots and toolbox next to the backyard door. “Your washing machine hose was loose. Really, that was all it was.”

“Oh,” Jensen says. “Well, good. The cleaning guys will be here at the end of the afternoon.”

“If you ever need to shut the water off, it’s in the basement, behind the dryer,” Padalecki informs him.

He leans on the counter to fill out the invoice, sighing. “I almost feel bad charging you. Really, it was like a five minute job.”

“It’s okay,” Jensen nods. “Iced tea?”

Jared looks at the tall glass filled to the brim and seems to hesitate a little. “Ah, what the hell, you’re my last customer of the day. Okay, thanks.”

He takes the glass, and all Jensen can think is how huge his hands are, how good they would feel wrapped around his dick or grabbing his ass.

He must be staring because Jared clears his throat. “So huh… Mr Ackles-“

“Jensen.”

“Alright. Jared, then. You, huh… You just moved in?”

Jensen nods, trying to take a casual but sexy pose, which is kind of impossible with his large belly sticking out.

“Yeah, I’m from Kansas. Coffeyville, near Wichita.”

“Coffeyville?” Jared raises an eyebrow. 

“Yeah. Small town.”

“And what made you move all the way to Massachusetts?”  
“Needed a change of scene. Was looking for a place in New England ‘cause I studied in Portland, then I found this house and figured Northampton was a quiet, beautiful town. I liked the atmosphere, with the colleges and the arts scene. Bought the house, and here we are,” Jensen points at his belly, trying to look cute, not like the lonely thirty-two year old pregnant man struggling to keep it together when truly, he’s in way over his head.

“So you…” Jared looks down his half empty glass for a second. “You’re alone? It’s just you and the baby?”

Jensen wants to yell, _yes! I’m alone, I’m definitely alone. And horny_. Instead, he shrugs like it’s nothing. “Yeah, no other daddy.”

The message couldn’t be more clear.

“I’m… sorry, I guess?” Jared says, blushing lightly.

“No, it’s fine. Really. And… I’m doing good on my own.”

“Well, Northampton is a quiet town, you’ll feel at home here in no time.” Padalecki downs what’s left of his iced tea and puts the glass back on the counter. “So, I should probably g-“

“Do you wanna have sex?”

Jensen blushes so quickly he can feel his heart pounding in his ears. Oh god, he’s lost it, that’s it, he just-

“What?” Jared murmurs, his mouth gaping open and his beautiful fox-like eyes widening.

“I, nothing, I-“ Jensen wishes there would be a hole right next to him so that he could fall in it and never come out. Not for the first time, actually. 

“Yes.”

“Listen, I’m so- what?”

It’s Jared’s turn to blush. “Sex,” he explains. "Yes."

“Yeah?”

They’re both apparently reduced to single word answers. Jensen’s mouth is already flooding with saliva, seeing the heat in Jared’s eyes and the broadness of his shoulders. _God._

“Bedroom,” he stutters, pointing Jared in the right direction.

“…Right.”

As soon as they’re there, Jensen pushes Jared against the wall and kisses him, quick and dirty, shoving his tongue in the other man’s mouth and moaning without restraint. Jared gropes his ass and squeezes, hard. Jensen pulls back when he can’t breathe anymore and runs one hand into Jared’s bangs. “I can’t be in a relationship right now,” he pants. “I just really, really need an orgasm… Is this okay with you?”

“Yes,” Jared answers, shoving his hand into Jensen’s pants to take ahold of his cock, and damn it, Jensen starts immediately. Those huge hands, fingers opening up… “We won’t hurt the baby?” Jared adds, looking worried suddenly.

“No.” Jensen can’t help but smile. “The baby’s fine.” He hisses when Jared grabs his cock tighter. “Bed. Clothes, off.”

“Good idea.”

… And yes, Jared’s body is beautiful, all lean muscles and tanned skin, with a long, thick cock, just what Jensen needs right now. He stares in awe, his pants pooling at his feet, his own cock hard and leaking, his hole constricting rhythmically, already leaking too. And he feels exposed with his huge, round belly, the softer curves his body has shaped into since he got pregnant.

Doesn’t feel sexy at all. Jensen has to restrain himself from slipping under the covers to hide. Jared looks at him too, and the intensity in his eyes is almost unbearable. 

_I must look exactly how I feel. Desperate and ridiculous_ , Jensen thinks. 

“Oh my god,” Jared murmurs. “Oh. It’s… I’ve never seen a pregnant man before… Well, yeah, but not like this…”

He takes a step forward, his right hand stretched almost hesitantly. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

Oh. Well, that’s good. “Yeah?” Jensen asks shyly.

“Wanna fuck you. Can I fuck you?” Jared asks eagerly, rubbing Jensen’s stomach with both hands.

“Hell yeah.”

It only takes a few minutes for Jensen to push Jared down on the bed, settle him on his back, and roll a condom on his dick. Opening himself up goes even faster. Jensen’s hole is dilated and leaking already, plus, he wants to really feel it, so he rushes that part. He settles himself over Jared and, slowly but surely, sits down on his cock, making small figure eights with his hips so that Jared’s dick can rub against his prostate.

Jesus, it’s good. Jensen has spent way too much time with his own hand. He needed this so bad.

He rides Jared quick and dirty, his head tilted upward, his hands pressed on the other man’s chest, moaning openly, taking what he wants because he needs it.

“Won’t last long,” he pants, bending down to kiss Jared. “Fucking hormones, I need to come.”

“Yes, anything you want,” Jared answers, tilting his hips upward.

Jensen kind of loses control then. He’s aware that he’s being loud, that he’s basically using Jared’s body for his own pleasure, but he can’t help it. The loneliness of the last few months has taken its toll on him, more than he’d let himself believe.

Coming undone is ecstasy. Jensen shakes hard as his semen coats Jared’s stomach, string after string, white and messy, while the aftershocks are almost as intense as the pleasure itself, rising from his ass and dick to his uterus that constrict on itself and it’s like he’ll never be able to come down from it.

Hyperventilating, Jensen collapses on Jared’s chest, barely holding himself up enough to give his belly some space. His blood is pounding hard in his ears, his vision is unfocussed, crossed by tiny flashing dots. He’s vaguely aware that Jared has gripped his hips and is pumping his dick in a frantic rhythm into Jensen’s hole. Jared freezes less than one minute after Jensen and comes with a grunt, low in his throat.

“My god,” Jensen pants, his face plastered against Jared’s chest. “Fuck. That was fantastic.”

“Yeah,” Jared answers with enthusiasm, still catching his breath. “It’s, wow, I…”

“Wha’?”

“I don’t know.” Jared caresses Jensen’s back. “I don’t think I ever came this hard in my life.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“It is.”

All Jensen wants right now is to fall asleep next to the warm body sharing his bed. Sadly, the cleaning crew will be here soon – _ah! Cleaning crew_ , he thinks, pushing himself up to grab the pack of baby wipes on the nightstand. He gives a couple to Jared who looks at him with uncertain eyes.

“They smell like a baby.”

“They are baby wipes,” Jensen points out, cleaning himself.

“This is wrong,” Jared mumbles, but he still uses them. It’s nice to know they’re on the same page on the matter.

They both dress next to each other, without speaking. Somehow, it isn’t completely uncomfortable. 

“Usually, I never do this,” Jared admits, sitting back on the crumpled sheets.

“Well, me neither,” Jensen smiles. He just had fantastic sex and is deliciously sated. He feels good. “Blame the hormones.”

“So, you’re doing this all alone, then?” Jared asks sweetly. “The baby and a new town and-”

“Yeah. Don’t give me that look,” Jensen brushes off. “I got into trouble all by myself and I totally assume the consequences, which, given that they are actually this little lodger there,” he points at his belly, “is something I’m kind of proud of.”

“Boy or girl?”

“Don’t know. Kid’s been shy and had kept his junk hidden during the last ultrasound.”

For some reason, Jared finds this incredibly funny. Gosh, that smile, even now that Jensen has had what he wanted, it does things to him. He tries to brush off this sudden warmth in the pit of his belly as a consequence of his damn hormones again. Hell, the guy can’t be more than 25: a kid, basically. Besides, who’d want to date a pregnant guy who’s name could be in the dictionary next to the words : “bad luck.”

_Whoa there, Jensen. Dating? Who said anything about dating? Come down off your horse, cowboy._

“You were my last appointment,” Jared says slowly, looking nervous, suddenly. “I’m always off early on Fridays. Would you like to split a pizza? I’ll take you to this amazing pizza place. Take it as my way of introducing you to Northampton.”

Oh. Is _this_ a date? And why is there a whole bunch of butterflies flying around his little lodger's place suddenly?

“I… huh…”

“Listen, that’s not…” Jared snorts, and looks adorable. “Not because we had sex or anything. Friendly invitation, plus, you don’t know anyone here so you need a friend, right?”

“Yeah, the plumber who cleaned my pipes,” Jensen says without thinking, then presses a hand over his mouth, mortified. 

Luckily for him, everything he says seems funny to Jared Padalecki who’s laughing out loud. “Well… Yeah. Plus, the cleaning crew will be noisy and invasive. And sex gets me hungry. I bet you are too.”

“Everything makes me hungry these days,” Jensen agrees. “Okay. Okay, but I’m taking my car.”

He could do with a friend. A friend that could maybe sometimes help him satisfy his hormonal outbursts. It’s probably going to end bad and messy, but it’s not like Jensen isn’t used to it by now.

Jared smiles so wide, hearing his answer, that Jensen’s afraid he’s going to stretch a muscle.

::: :::

Jensen waits for the cleaning company to show up after carefully taking Jared’s phone number and the coordinates of the pizza place before letting him go. He takes the opportunity to tidy up his room and open the window, still a little stupefied by what had just happened. He’s usually the kind of guy that keeps to himself: he’s not exactly socially awkward, but most of the time he likes his solitude. He tried to explain this to his mother when he announced that he was moving away, that this was actually something he really wanted to do; he wasn’t scared of starting from scratch in a new town with a baby on the way. Loneliness is not something he usually suffers from. Of course, Donna hadn’t understood it, had blamed it on the shock of the pregnancy and the shame that Jensen maybe felt –which, no, he never felt ashamed, he had reassured her. 

He was maybe just a little tired of living in a town small enough for everyone to know each other’s name, where no privacy was ever possible. His brother had succeed his father as the sheriff, his mother is part of all the committees and charity events, his sister had come back two years ago to start her medical practice in Coffeyville. The Ackles are an important part of the small community. Jensen never had any problem with that, although his sexual orientation had always been seen as some kind of fascinating novelty –in a population of a little less than a thousand souls, he was the only gay man. He never had to suffer from any form of intimidation or rejection; everyone was his neighbor, plus his brother and father would never have tolerated it anyway.

Still, being the only gay man in a small town, the son of the sheriff, and making his living as the author of a popular book series for little girls, Jensen knows he’s always been THAT guy -the original one, accepted because each town needs its beloved eccentric, and no matter how well intentioned its inhabitants were, that role had always been somewhat of a burden. Finding himself pregnant and knowing that soon everybody would talk about it because bearers weren’t that common, much less bearers that actually decided to act on it –or, let’s say, stumbled upon it, It had been a situation that Jensen had not been looking forward to. He had decided that maybe he deserved a little privacy after all those years. It had been scary, making the actual decision to move, but after that, he had felt so relieved he had known he had chosen correctly. After all, he is a grown man, financially independent and healthy –maybe unnaturally unlucky but hey, what could he do? It wasn’t like he was actually handicapped or something. He could manage.

Despite liking his peace, Jensen doesn’t want to become a recluse. It’s useful to know people, he tells himself to rationalize his immediate attraction to Jared. He chose a house on a private road, surrounded by a wooded area, so it’s not exactly easy to befriend the neighbors. Besides, Jensen knows how relationships tend to end when he’s the one involved anyway, and he has understood for a long time that he would probably never get some kind of fairy tale, happily-ever-after ending. Doesn’t mean he wants to stop trying. Jensen is a lot of thing, but cynical isn't one of them. He’s realistic. There is a huge difference.

It’s nice to go out. It’s mid- September, but still feels like summer. Jensen takes a deep intake of breath and sights, exposing his face to the sun. “Let’s go stuff ourselves with pizza and try to make a friend,” Jensen whispers to the baby who’s pushing against the taut skin of his stomach. “And now I’m stopping talking out loud,” he adds, sliding behind the wheels with clumsiness. “That’s literally the last time I’m doing it.”

Jensen figures that singing aloud doesn’t really count. Besides, his mom always told him he had a nice voice, so maybe at least his little lodger is appreciating it.

::: :::

The restaurant is a nice small place on a busy street Jensen hasn’t visited yet. Jared waits for him near the entrance –he changed, which does nothing to calm Jensen’s hormones: a tight t-shirt leaving nothing to the imagination, and worn out jeans that mold his hips just right, well used enough to reveal the curve of his muscular ass and…

That’s it, enough. Jensen tries for a friendly smile and hopes the warmth he suddenly feels on his face doesn’t show. Too much.

They choose a small booth at the back of the restaurant, and Jared orders a beer while Jensen goes for some iced tea, eying the bubbly beverage of the other man with a tad of envy.

“I miss beer,” he declares with sincerity.

“Why don’t you… right,” Jared winces. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about that. You’re not allowed, right? And-“

“And what? You can drink beer all you want, man, don’t feel bad.”

“Well. Okay. Still, it sucks.”

“I miss coffee way more than I miss beer, let me tell you. You don’t realize the number of things you have to give up when you get pregnant, until it kind of happens and you just have to go with the flow.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Jared smiles. “Not like I’ll ever know anyway. I’m not a bearer. No one in my family is.”

“Do you have a big family?”

“Big brother, younger sister –and my parents, of course.”

“Wow. I have an older brother and younger sister too.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, Josh and Mackenzie.”

Jared snorts. “That’s funny. My brother’s name is Jeff, and my sister’s Megan. Same initials. It’s like we were meant to meet each other. Jared, Jen- Wait, Jensen. _Jensen Ackles._ Oh. You wouldn’t be…”

Here we are, Jensen thinks, rolling his eyes. Being an author for kids' books doesn’t exactly make him a celebrity, but it’s enough to have his name recognized from time to time. After eight years and seven novels published, it happens more often these days, most of the time with woman in their twenties who grew up reading his stuff.

“You’re him, aren’t you?” Jared asks, his eyes going wide. “You wrote the Vivian Thirteen series.”

“Hum. Yeah.”

“Man, my sister is going to be blown away when I tell her I met you! She still has copies of the books, she kept re-reading them when she was a teenager. Wow. I mean, I never actually read them myself-“

“You’re not exactly the target audience,” Jensen says with a smile.

“Still, you’re like… You won awards, and even –there was supposed to be a film from it, a few years back. I remember my sis got all excited. Wow! You’re a big deal.”

Jared’s genuine enthusiasm is what breaks Jensen’s awkwardness. He doesn’t know why, but he always felt a little ashamed of being the author of a series of stories for tweens about the daily life of a twelve year old girl. Maybe it goes back to his twenties, where some friends he’d met in college while studying literature had made some comments about him not being a real author, scoffing that he'd taken the easy money path, and when would he start writing for real? It had been jealousy, Jensen knows this now. Still, there is a part of him that has always felt like an impostor.

The waitress chooses this moment to come back and take their order. Jensen lets Jared choose for the both of them, stating that he knows what’s best. He’s so hungry, he doesn’t think he dislike something on the menu anyway. When they’re alone again, Jared still has this dumbstruck expression.

“I… Wow, I just had sex with my sister’s teenage idol.”

As if he’s realizing what he’s saying just when the words come out, Jared blushes suddenly, all the way up to the tip of his ears. “I’m so sorry, that was a very rude thing to say.”  
Jensen burst out laughing. “…Right, because we’re all about subtlety here. I’m the one who came on you like a freaking wild man asking for sex. You can relax.”

“I’m not complaining, though,” Jared answers, his blush getting darker. He clears his throat and runs a nervous hand through his hair. “So, what happened?”

“What?”

“The movie. There was supposed to be a movie.”

“Ah,” Jensen sighs, remembering his very short visit to Los Angeles and the legal mess that followed the signed contract. “The deal was canceled because of obscure legal reasons. The bottom line is that no one can own the movie rights to Vivian Thirteen for ten years. Still four left to go. I got screwed by my agent, he got screwed by a shady producer.”

“You seem awfully reasonable about it.”

“That’s what everybody kept telling me.” Jensen looks out the window and wiggles on his seat to relieve the pressure on his lower back. “But you know, knowing me, it’s not surprising at all.”

“Why?”

“Well, you never read Vivian Thirteen, but do you know what’s it about?”

“Yeah, it’s about this girl whose bad luck keeps getting in the way. It's a diary, right? First person?”

“I was my own inspiration,” Jensen admits, smiling fondly, remembering how the idea of the character came to him in the first place. Vivian is, of course, a little exaggerated –Thirteen as her family name should be a clear indication of that- but she’s still part of Jensen. He has a lot of affection for her. “My bad luck is as legendary as hers for everyone who knows me.”

“Really?” A smile twitches on Jared’s lips.

“My granny used to say she knew it from the start. See, I was born on a Friday, the thirteenth of October. Gran would take me on her lap and tell me about that day –it’s been snowing. In Kansas. And there was a moon eclipse as well. And my father slid on an ice patch as he was taking my mom out of the car in the hospital parking lot, breaking his ankle. My mom’s obstetrician got stuck in a broken elevator in the hospital, so there were only two nurses to help her give birth to me. Also, my gran’s old cat disappeared that day as well. After that, she would take this confidential tone, whispering: good ol’ Merlin just ran outside and never came back. This cat was black, Jensen, from head to toe. You know what they say about black cats.”

“You are shitting me,” Jared says, looking unsure as to what the proper reaction is to this.

“Nope, everything is true. Ah, food.”

Jensen’s stomach grumbles loudly and his mouth waters at the sight of the pizzas coming their way. The baby moves around a little, like he wants to cheer. 

They eat in silence for a few minutes, then Jensen starts telling Jared about how his bad luck had played out all his life. How his father often says that if there is one single rock in the middle of nowhere, Jensen is sure to stumble upon it. He lists off the daily, boring events, telling about that time he’d been electrocuted –old fridge, he was ten, just opened the door- or the smallpox he caught at age thirteen, despite having been vaccinated. He goes on, using his storytelling talents because Jared seems damn well entertained, and it makes Jensen feels all fuzzy inside. He even goes as far as exposing his life philosophy to someone who’s basically a stranger to him. 

“I’m resigned, but it’s not a bad thing. I’m not surprised anymore when something randomly happens to me. And you know, it’s kind of funny when you look at it from an outsider point of view. That’s how the idea of Vivian came to me, this girl who’s already used to misfortunes and is so accident-prone. I thought I could make her funny, realistic. Not whiny or overly dramatic. I mean, I know my life is some kind of continuous chain of coincidences and misfortune. There is no explanation to it. I deal with it, and this is an advantage because I’m not in self-pity mode constantly. Like, you know, my basement flooding right after I moved in? It was almost predictable. I’m just happy there hasn't been anything more serious so far.”

Jensen shoves the last of his fourth pizza piece in his mouth, shrugging. Jared has been smiling at him since he began talking, but now he’s looking at Jensen almost solemnly. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

Jensen nods, silently, stopping himself just in time from saying something like _man, you’ve been up close and personal with my ass, of course you can ask_.

“The baby? I mean, I know you consider it as a good thing –obviously, it’s a baby- but is it a result of random bad luck?”

Jensen lays a hand on his stomach, wanting to reassure his little lodger that it’s loved and wanted despite everything. “I’m a bearer, and I've been on the pill since I told my parents I was gay. I rarely bottom, but even if I do, there is always a condom involved. So this one evening I go out to have a drink, and I meet this guy, and we go back to his apartment –your basic random hookup. I don’t usually do this a lot, but I bet you have trouble believing me after I literally asked you for sex.”

Jared shakes his head, smiling. “Hey, I was a willing participant.”

Jensen can only laugh at that. “Anyway, that time I bottomed, and we used a condom, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t skip a dose of my pill but yeah, found myself pregnant like some kind of freaking twisted miracle. Once I knew, I tried to do the right thing and went back to see that guy –Gregory something. I did remember where his place was even though I was quite drunk the night of our encounter. By the time I went back there, two months had passed since we had seen each other. He wasn’t living there anymore -the new tenant had no idea where he went, and I didn’t even know his last name. This is going to sound so lame when my son –or daughter- starts asking questions.”

“Your life is like a bad novel –no one would believe it,” Jared declares.

“Yeah, that’s where the expression life is stranger than fiction gets all its meaning, huh?”

It’s time to order dessert, and Jensen is more than ready to stuff himself with two pieces of chocolate cheesecake. Jared laughs and tells him he’s never going to finish it, then orders a huge banana split.

“You’re the one to talk,” Jensen jokes.

“Hey, have you looked at me? I’m practically a giant,” Jared brags. 

“And I’m pregnant, so we’re even.”

“Do you know how even we actually are?” Jared asks mysteriously, shoving his spoon in his bowl.

“How?”

“Well, I’ve been known to be pretty lucky. As a matter of fact, disgustingly lucky according to my friend Osric. My mom says it’s because I inherited it from her father –he won the lottery twice.

“Twice?” Jensen is amused. The cake is rich and feels heavy on his stomach. He feels good, almost drunk.

“Yep. First time, it was ten thousand, then some fifteen years later, fifty thousand dollars.”

“Jesus!”

Jared takes a cherry on the top of his mountain of ice cream and eats it delicately with his front teeth. Jensen is abashed by an assault of dirty thoughts at the sight. It’s Jared’s turn to talk apparently, and Jensen learns that his grandfather built his plumbing company after winning that second lottery prize, that Jared’s mom is a damn fine plumber and is now head of the business as well, that his father wouldn’t be able tell a pipe from a kitten and that he’s the accountant for his wife’s company. Jared is the only one of their three children to still live in Northampton –his brother Jeff is the farthest, living in England with his British wife, and Megan is in college, Harvard, adds Jared with a touch of pride in his voice. He’s the only one working as a plumber and carrying on the family business. He lives in a small apartment at the other side of town and has a pet ferret because he’s not allowed to have dogs. The beast’s name is Sam, and Jared talks about him like a proud papa.

Jared is twenty-four. Right, just like Jensen guessed. For some reason, it saddens him, and it must show because Jared gives him a quizzical look. “What?”

“Nothing,” Jensen shrugs. “I guess I just feel old.”

“How old?”

“I’m thirty-two.”

“You really look younger,” Jared replies.

“And you are very polite, thank you.”

“Bullshit,” Jared waves his hand. “Like you don’t know how hot you are. Anyway, we should stick together, Jensen.”

“Oh yeah?” Jensen smiles despite himself.

“Of course. The way I see things, my good luck could neutralize your bad luck, which is kind of nice when you’re an unlucky pregnant guy. I’ll be your introduction to Northampton, and if you’re accident-prone, with your new house, you’ll need a resident plumber… And, I don’t know, if you ever need a sex toy again, damn hormones and stuff, well…”

Jared wiggles his eyebrows comically, and Jensen realizes he wants this. There is no way he can be in a relationship right now, but friends sounds even better.

“I follow your logic,” he tells Jared, then grabs his spoon and steals a huge chunk of banana from his new friend’s bowl.

“… And apparently I have to feed you as well,” Jared deadpans. 

Jensen nods enthusiastically, just for the privilege to see Jared’s dimples once more.


	2. Check engine

 

Sometimes Jared wonders why he always has his most important conversations in a narrow space, with a wrench in one hand and a rag in the other, laying on his back trying to fix a pipe or crouched under a sink to prevent a kitchen from being flooded.

Then again, why not?

It’s been six days since his extraordinary encounter with Jensen Ackles, and so far he’s managed to keep it to himself, like a delicious secret –but the guilt is weighing heavily on his shoulders. He even has trouble sleeping, for god’s sake, and somehow he finds himself once again trapped in a tiny bathroom with his best friend and plumber colleague, Osric, both of them kneeling in front of the toilet like it’s some kind of altar. 

And Jared spits it out. The meeting, the loose hose problem, the very hot guy. The sex proposition.

“What?” Osric’s eyes get huge. He looks funny. “You’re fucking with me. What was it, a freaking porno?”

“Well, it happened,” Jared says, trying to get the snake a couple of meters further. “And I said yes, because he was so damn gorgeous, and I haven’t been laid in months.”

“Don’t I know it,” Osric replies, settling the small screen monitor so that they can find out what the hell is blocking the toilet’s drain. 

“It was the hottest sex I’ve ever had. And then I invited him to a restaurant, and we had a nice time. He’s funny, and he’s new to in town so I figured we could become friends, at least.”

“So what’s the problem?”

Jared sighs. “Well, first of all, he says he can’t be in a relationship right now, so, what? Are we fuck buddies waiting to happen, or was the sex just a one-time thing?”

Osric bites on his bottom lip and tries to unfold one of his legs, almost kicking Jared in the crotch in the process. “Do you think he’s serious about the can’t-be-in-a-relationship thing? Because most of the time, it’s bullshit, you know, like a… getting out of jail free card. This, he… Shit, Jared, I think we found it. Don’t move the snake.”

Jared somehow twists his head enough to look at the monitor. He sees something, but can’t for the life of him guess what it is.

“Not organic,” he guesses.

“It’s a Little People, I think.”

“What?”

“Those Fisher Price toys for young kids. Little figurines. Kind of.”

“So we have a toy down the drain.”

“Well, their little girl is three. The age fits.”

Working as a plumber for long enough can get you rather esoteric knowledge, like the fact that three year olds have a phase where they try to flush everything down the toilet because it’s fun.

They’ll have to get more tools if they want to do the job. Jared sighs and begins to wind back the snake.

“This guy, by the way, he must have a name?” Osric finally asks.

“Jensen.”

Jared waits. The name is uncommon, so if his friend ever read some of Jensen's books, he should recognize it.

“That’s special,” is all he says. “But cute. So, this Jensen, do you think he’s serious, saying he can’t be in a relationship?”

“Pretty sure it isn’t bullshit.”  
“Why?”

Well, he’ll have to say it eventually. Jared blushes. “Because, huh… he’s six months pregnant?” 

Osric’s mouth drops open. He has very expressive features, come to think of it.

“You’re not joking.”

“No.”

“And I thought it was like a bad porno before. The husband is out working while the plumber-“

“Whoa. I haven’t slept with a married man,” Jared protests, a bit shocked. “What kind of guy do you think I am?”

“Horny?” Osric offers, looking sheepish. “Listen, this discussion is not over. Let’s get this little plastic guy out of the toilet, and then we’ll get back to it.”

“Alright.”

Jared is feeling relieved for the time being. Then Osric frowns and punches him on the shoulder. “Hey. His complete name wouldn’t happen to be Jensen Ackles would it?”

His face is so surprised that Jared is afraid he’ll pull a muscle.

::: :::

A couple of hours later, the figurine –a princess- is free, and Jared and Osric are on their lunch break in the company’s truck, eating huge Italian meatball sandwiches. Osric hums around a mouthful. He could beat Jared in any eating contest despite his smaller frame, and he gets annoyed whenever someone comments on his appetite. Osric isn’t suspicious, or wasn’t, but he’s faced so many clichéd commentaries since he began working for the plumbing company that he as has very little tolerance now. “There are just so many times you can be told that it’s the first time someone's seen an Asian plumber before snapping,” he’d told Jared. “Those clients who ask me if I’m sure I’m not a computer programmer are the worst. And they watch while I work, as if they can’t trust me with plumbing because I’m not a fat white guy in his forties. Damn it, I wasn’t good at school, I don’t spend my time on a computer, and I eat like a pig. And that’s it.”

Jared had wisely agreed. His friend is rarely angry, and it’s always impressive to witness it.

“So,” Osric mumbles around another bite. “He’s pregnant, he’s hot, he’s Vivian Thirteen’s author, he wants –maybe- casual sex. What are you gonna do about it?”

“Well, I’m not saying I’ve already fallen for the guy, but it could very well happen,” Jared tries to be honest, even though the process of falling in love might already be in motion. “And he’s alone here, having this kid without any help. He could use a friend.”

“Awww,” Osric coos, pinching Jared’s cheek playfully, knowing damn well how much he hates it. “And you’re afraid of having your big gay heart broken in tiny pieces?”

“Shut up, that’s not it. But-“

“Hey.” Osric snaps his fingers. “The first Vivian Thirteen book came out something like ten years ago. We were teenagers. How old is this guy? Wait, have you found yourself a sugar daddy?”

He winks. Jared sticks his tongue out at him. “He’s thirty-two. And that’s not the problem either.”

“Well, is there a problem at all, Jared? Because I don’t see what you’re getting at.”

Jared wraps up what’s left of his sandwich and shakes his head. “I lied to him.”

“About what?”

The idea for Vivian Thirteen came to him because he’s been plagued by bad luck all of his life.”

“I don’t get it.”

Jared tries to make a recap of everything Jensen told him without it sounding completely unbelievable.

“That’s some serious bad luck,” Osric agrees. 

“It’s not just that. This… bad luck thing, it seems very important to him, like it’s a big part of his personality. He’s not like… pessimistic or whiny about it. He’s very philosophical. See what I mean? He says that understanding it is the key to avoid becoming cynical and bitter.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

The hell if Jared knows. “Nothing, but… here’s this guy, pregnant and alone and telling me all this, and I felt so sympathetic, you know? I really wanted us to become friends, and I also wanted to make him feel better, even though clearly he wasn’t feeling down or sad. So, I told him my grandfather's story-“

“Lucky bastard.”

“Exactly! And then it came out of my mouth before I could even think. I told Jensen that we should stick together because I inherited my pop’s good luck, and that it would totally balance his bad luck.”

Osric snorts. “That’s cute.”

“But that’s not true! I’m not especially lucky, never have been.”

Osric’s exasperated look is kind of legendary, maybe because he’s had so many occasions to practice, hanging out with Jared. 

“That’s your lie,” he says, unimpressed.

“Yeah.”

“You told Jensen you were lucky, and you’re not, and that’s the lie that's pulling your panties into a twist.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid.”

Osric shakes his head and takes a long gulp of his soda. “Well, if you’re not stupid, you’re definitely a moron. You know when we explain to little kids that not all lies are bad, like… even if your mother’s dress is ugly, you tell her she’s pretty because that’s the nice thing to do, and it wouldn’t change anything anyway if they were told the truth?”

“Well-“

“This is the same thing. You told him something nice to make him feel good. That’s all. No harm done.”

Jared is silent for a minute. What Osric says makes sense. He doesn’t even know why it’s been bothering him so much. Maybe it’s the whole situation. Nothing even close to this has ever happened to him –having sex on a whim with a guy eight years older, pregnant, for god’s sake –the most interesting person Jared has met in a while. He wants to see him again, be friends, but it somehow seems like a long term, serious proposition. The guy is alone, and on the verge of becoming a single father. If they become friends, he’ll surely need some help, and Jared… Jared likes his very fun, uncomplicated life. He has a whole bunch of friends with whom he likes to party on the weekends; he works for his mother, a situation that definitely has its perks; and he’s never been with a guy long enough to even think of moving in together. 

Which is a strange thing to think about since Jensen isn’t his boyfriend –not even a potential one- but his life is definitely on the opposite of Jared’s. He’s an adult.

_You’re an adult too, moron._

Yeah, he is. Twenty-four years old, and maybe a tad immature.

None of this is an excuse not to see Jensen Ackles. Since when is Jared afraid of a friendship?

“I’m a moron,” he tells Osric.

His partner nods matter-of-factly. “Are you going to finish your sandwich?”

::: :::

Jared’s mother is planning a barbecue for Jared’s father on Saturday, and he starts to toy with the idea of inviting Jensen. Megan will be there with James, her boyfriend of the last year and a half, but it will be very intimate. Gerry doesn’t like celebrating his birthday as a rule so they made a compromise of just a small party. Bringing Jensen seems like a good idea… maybe. What if Jensen sees this as an official introduction to Jared’s family? He'll probably think Jared is imagining them in a relationship and run away screaming.

Or maybe Jared is over-thinking the whole thing, which isn’t like him at all, except Jensen is all he can think about since their encounter. The sex was fantastic, true, and Jared had felt something more than just physical pleasure. The beauty of the man on top of him had been almost surreal, a mix of assumed masculinity and fragility, and Jared had felt for the first time that he was part of something bigger than a simple sexual encounter. Plus he'd been fascinated by the round curve of Jensen’s belly. He’d felt… like he wanted to protect the man, to care for him, and this that isn’t a feeling he’s used to. 

Friday comes, a whole week since they met each other, and Jared is still hesitating about inviting him to the barbecue, which is the next day, when he receives a phone call from Jensen.

It’s three o’clock in the afternoon, and Jared has just gotten back from work and taken a shower. He's playing distractedly with Sam, drinking a beer, when his cell phone rings. J.Ackles is flashing on his phone’s screen. For some reason he can’t quite explain, Jared’s heartbeat picks up and starts pounding against his chest. He takes a deep breath and answers.

“Hello.”

“Hum… Jared Padalecki?” The voice is hesitant, almost shy.

“Jensen, right? How’re you doing, man?”

“Well, I was wondering if you could help me with something.”

“Sure. What’s the problem?”

There is a nervous laugh at the end of the line. “I, huh… I went to this antique shop on Silver Fir Road and huh… my car broke down, and I’m miles away from any houses, no car has passed over the last half an hour and…”

“Want me to call a towing service?” Jared asks, feeling bad for the poor guy.

“Yes!,” Jensen explains in a relieved voice. “My phone doesn’t get the internet here, so I couldn’t find one myself and you’re the only local on my contact list so far.”

Jared is already on his laptop, looking for a towing service. “Do you have any idea where you are?”

“Maybe five kilometers away from the freaking antique shop –which was bullshit, by the way. It’s just a fucking old farm with a couple of ugly chairs that are supposed to be a hundred years old.”

“Okay, got one,” Jared says. “Listen, I’ll call them, and then I’ll come to get you.”

Jensen clears his throat. “Oh no, you don’t have to do that. The towing guy will probably-“

“Take you to the garage, and then you’ll have to call a cab to go back home. As your new friend here in Northampton, it is my duty not to leave you hanging by the side of the road,” Jared adds with a smile.

Jensen laughs at that, and Jared can just picture him, crinkles at the corner of his bright eyes. 

“Hang in there, I’m coming,” he states.

“Thanks, Jared.”

“No problem.”

::: :::

Silver Fir Road is on the outskirts of town, a never-ending, isolated road surrounded by woods, with a house every two kilometers or more. Jared remembers there is a lake somewhere, and some cabins settled all around it, but you have to take a path to the right at some point and drive for twenty kilometers on a dirt road.

Jensen couldn’t have chosen a worse place for his car to break down.

Jared finally sees him, sitting on the hood of his car, a brand new red Pathfinder. He seems hot and tired, one hand rubbing over his belly in a lazy motion. The tow truck is nowhere in sight.

Jared stops behind him. 

“Hey! The tow truck will be here soon. Are you okay?”

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Yeah, just… mad at myself. The check engine light flashed just when I was leaving home, and I didn’t do anything about it. You know those freaking check engine warnings are always coming up for no reasons, and damn it, It didn’t even cross my mind to stop by a garage to have it checked. So, I’m officially an idiot.” 

“Come on, I know what you mean about the check engine thing. I probably would have ignored it as well. You, huh… want me to see if I can get your car to start?”

“There is nothing you can do, man. It just… stopped. Doesn’t even make a sound when I tried to restart it.”

Jared smiles. “Okay, I’m relieved. God knows I know nothing about cars. Let’s go.”

Jensen frowns. “Shouldn’t we wait for the towing service?”

“No. Told them where your car was, and that you would leave the keys under the visor.

“But…”

“Come on, man, it’s hot, and you’re pregnant. How long have you been here already?”

Jensen shrugs. “A little more than forty-five minutes.”  
It’s a hot day for the end of September. Jared sees how Jensen’s shirt is clinging to his body -his cheeks are red, his eyes underlined with dark circles. He looks tired.

“Let’s go,” Jared states.

“Alright.”

::: :::

They don’t talk a lot on the way back. Jensen really is tired. At some point, his eyelids start to droop, and he must realize he’s about to fall asleep because he clears his throat suddenly, sits up straighter and opens his window. Jared decides to help him with a little conversation, even if he wouldn’t mind having a sleeping passenger. Jensen is gorgeous, asleep or not.

“So I was about to call you, Jensen.”

“Really?”

“Well, yeah.” Jared smiles at him, trying to look confident even if he feels everything but. “I told you, we should stick together. I bet this car incident wouldn’t have happened if I’d been with you.”

Jensen laughs at that. His Adam's bobs, and Jared is kind of fascinated by it. He shakes himself and gets his eyes back on the road. What a shitty lucky charm he would be, getting Jensen in a car accident.

“Okay, so… What did you want to tell me?”

“Tomorrow is my father’s birthday. My mom is doing a barbecue. There won’t be a lot of people, just family, and I really would like it if you would come. I have to warn you that my sister will be there, though, so she might fangirl a little bit. On the other hand, my mom could be a potential baby-sitter.”

Jared pictures his mom; always on the run, head of the most important projects of her plumbing company, staying quietly at home rocking a baby. There it is, he lied to Jensen again. 

“Okay,” Jensen says quietly.

“Really?”

“You seem surprised.”

Jared feels himself blush. “Well, I was thinking maybe you would see this as an official meeting, like… I would want to… oh, fuck. Osric is so right. I am a moron.”

Jensen laughs again, harder this time, with one hand resting on his belly, the other pressed on his mouth like a little kid afraid to be caught giggling.

“You were worried that I would think that you wanted me to meet your family because we slept together and you wanted to start a relationship,” he finally says, short of breath.

“And it’s not! It’s not, Jensen, you were very clear, and I told you, I want us to be friends. Friends is good,” Jared replies quickly.

“Aw, don’t worry, Jared, I would never think you want a relationship with me.”

Jensen’s tone is light, but Jared can’t help frowning. “Why not?”

“I’m a pregnant old man, that’s why.”

“Stop saying you’re old.”

“Compared to you, I am.”

“You would make a fantastic boyfriend, Jensen. I mean, the sex alone…”

Jensen sights happily. “Ah, yes. The sex was…”

“Amazing. But I get it: we’re at different places in our lives right now. So, friends, okay?”

“Definitely. And, since you’re my devoted only friend around here, what are you doing for the next couple of hours?”

Jared hesitates. Are they still talking about amazing but casual sex? 

“Nothing.”

“Because I need a friend to help me assemble something. I can't get the fucking crib put together, and the instruction manual is half English, half Portuguese, I think.”

Jared always liked to work with his hands –that’s one of the reason why he’d decided to become a plumber and work in his mother’s company. He smiles.

“I’m your guy.”

“Good.”

Jensen smiles back.

::: :::

It takes Jared –with little help from Jensen- all but twenty minutes to finish building the crib. It’s beautiful, light-colored wood carved with leaves and butterflies, but also completely secure. Jensen practically harassed the salesman at the baby store to be sure the bed fulfilled all the safety requirements. 

They both stand up in the room for Jensen’s little lodger room, and Jensen feels a tad discouraged. The crib is the only thing built. He hasn’t bought the set of drawers and the changing table yet. He did pick the color, though, a tender green, which works for both a boy or a girl. The paint buckets are standing in a corner with all the supplies, ready to be applied to the walls.

He’s way behind schedule. Just thinking of doing all of this by himself tires him. He’s been seriously lacking energy this past week, can’t explain why. He eats and sleeps well, he doesn’t have anything that needs to be done –his last Vivian Thirteen book is at the publisher’s house, getting corrected so it will be ready to be published just in time for Christmas. Jensen had told Christian –his new agent since the whole Hollywood fiasco- he wouldn’t be writing for a couple of years, or at least not writing under a deadline. He wants to take his time and devote himself to his pregnancy, then to his baby. It’s not like money is a problem anyway.

Which leaves him with no reason at all to feel so tired. He suspects this has something to do with the fact that he’s been missing his family a lot lately. Living away from them is a brand new thing, and Jensen is still trying to get used to it. If he’d stayed in Coffeyville, Mackenzie would have helped him with the decoration of the room, Joshua with buying and building the furniture. His mother would have bought half the baby store, and visited him at least once every other day to make sure he was alright. 

And this –all of it- would have been getting on his nerves, but at the same time, he’s used to his family being that tightly knit. It’s known territory.

Now, the only person he can count on is himself, and Jensen might start feeling a little afraid of giving birth and taking care of a baby all by himself. Of course, his mom has already planned to fly here and spend a couple of weeks with Jensen after the baby’s born, but it’s not the same.

Jensen sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. He’s constantly close to tears these days. Damn hormones.

“You really look tired,” Jared says softly. “It must be hard, getting the room ready all by yourself.”

Well, fuck. Jared is a freaking mind reader. Jensen tries to brush it off, stating that he’s fine, but clearly, Jared doesn’t buy it.

“I’ll help you,” is what he says instead.

“You don’t have to. I’m just… a tad overwhelmed, I guess.”

“Hey, what about tomorrow? We could start the painting job and then head off to the barbecue. As long as you have music and can feed me lunch, I’ll be golden. I like painting.”

“Jared, really…”

Jensen sighs and sits on an unpacked box, which he doesn’t have any clue as to what it contains.

“That’s settled, then.”

Looking at Jared, smiling, his hands on his hips like he’s ready to start right now, Jensen feels a weight leaving his shoulders. Why not? The guy is nice, funny (and hot, but that’s irrelevant) and he’s the only person Jensen knows in Northampton. He shuts up the small voice in his head that says that he doesn’t need anybody, he can live perfectly well on his own without his parents being only a ten minute car distance and his brother stopping by at least twice a week while on duty. Jensen’s an adult, not some precious, fragile objet d'art. 

And hell, where did that come from? That frustration he feels suddenly. Why did he really lleave Coffeyville? 

Because you were not only the town’s beloved eccentric. You were your family’s as well. They always treated you differently. It was never with any bad intention, but being gay isn’t a disability, and having the tendency to walk into doors and to be at the wrong place at the wrong time isn’t either.

Jensen had always felt… infantilized. And now that he’s finally taken this step he finds the actual separation hard, and he shouldn’t, because he’s wanted this for some time now. The pregnancy was only the trigger, forcing him to think about how much more attention he would get, more fussing and worry, with a baby on the way. With being a single father.

He can do this. Make friends, lead a normal life without feeling everyone’s eyes on him. Jared isn’t Joshua, talking to him like he’s still a kid and always calling him “little brother”, never by his name. Jared is a friend.

“Is nine o’clock too early for you?” He he finally asks.

“I always get up at six to go for a run,” Jared smirks. “Of course it’s not too soon.”

“You’re a masochist. If you want real coffee, bring your own. I only have decaf and it tastes like ass.”

Jared’s about to add something when the phone rings. It’s the mechanic at the garage where Jensen’s car has been towed. Apparently, there is a piece of the engine that has melted, and during his thirty years of experiences, the guy has never seen something like this. Luckily, it’s easy to fix, and Jensen’s car should be ready tomorrow. Maybe the whole Jared’s good luck balancing his bad luck is really working, Jensen thinks, smiling.

::: :::

Jared is at Jensen’s place at nine AM, wearing an old plumber's overall he doesn’t use anymore, his arms stuffed with painting material. He’s in an especially good mood. Last evening, he went at his parent’s house to borrow said material, and spoke to his mother about Jensen and inviting him to the barbecue. He was nervous, can’t quite explain why, and must have repeated the sentence “he’s a friend” at least half a dozen time. Of course, Sherry has been delighted to have him, and had even congratulated Jared on his idea to give Jensen a hand and introduce him to people here in Northampton, as if Jared was doing this solely out of sympathy. Whatever she thinks, he told himself, better this than to suspect her son's brief, very unethical behavior, sleeping with a client while on a job.

Jensen has already emptied the room and covered the crib with old sheets so that it won’t get any paint on it. Seeing this, Jared insists that he should have waited.

“Hey, I’m pregnant, not crippled,” Jensen protests, although it’s clear he’s already tired and a little short of breath. Jared thinks that he must be having trouble sleeping, if the way he keeps yawning so wide is any indication. “And before you ask, I looked it up on the internet and acrylic paint does not pose any danger to someone who's pregnant.”

“You sure?”

Jared wouldn’t mind doing the job by himself and let Jensen rest, but he refrains himself from any comment: Jensen's a grown up man and clearly doesn’t want to be told what to do, or treated like his pregnancy diminishes him in any way. Jared gets that.

As it turns out, they work well together. Jared starts by laying masking tape down on each side of the floor, to protect the wood from any drips while Jensen begins the paint cutting on each corner, soon joined by Jared. They work in silence for the first half an hour.

“I like doing this,” Jensen murmurs, stretching to reach the top of the wall. “It’s making me totally zen.”

Jared smiles. “I gotta admit, I’m surprised.”

“Of what?”

“That nothing bad happened to you so far, like tripping over a paint can or having it exploding in some freak accident.”

Jensen doesn’t say Jared is exaggerating about his bad luck. “It’s because you’re here,” he states very seriously, like he truly believes it. “You’re my good luck charm.” 

It’s silly but cute, even if it’s a lie. Jared feels the familiar uneasiness crawling back in his mind and he wants to change the subject as soon as possible. “So, you still don’t know if you’re having a boy or a girl, right?”

“Right.” Jensen dips his brush in the small container he holds, sticking his tongue out in concentration. It makes him look younger, kind of dorky, overall adorable. Jared feels something flutter in his stomach and tries to brushes it off. “Had my first appointment with my new androcologist last Monday, and still no luck. But my little lodger is doing fine, so I guess I shouldn’t complain.” 

“Do you have any names selected?”

Jensen shrugs. “Not really. I kind of want to wait to see what the baby looks like and maybe it will come to me, then. Although what will most probably happen is that I won’t be able to decide, and then I'll panic because my baby doesn’t have a name.”

“I’ll help you. I’m great with names.” Jared thinks of the ugliest ones he can come up with. “What about Orville for a boy, and Agnes for a girl, huh?" 

Jensen laughs out loud at that. “Now you’re just messing with me.”

“Maybe,” Jared winks at him. “What’s When's your due date?”

“Christmas. And no, I won’t call my baby Noel, so don’t even try.”

For the first time since he’s met him, Jared can actually imagine Jensen with a baby in his arms, a tiny bundle wrapped in a blanket held tightly against him, and Jensen smiling protectively. There is snow too, in Jared’s sudden fantasy, and he wonders when exactly he has become such a sap because damn it, why is he in the fantasy too, getting to hold the baby while Jensen tells him that he’s doing good, he won’t drop him. 

It’s such a cheesy scene that Jared feels himself blush. 

::: :::

They take a break for lunch. Jensen is glad: he was starting to feel it, soreness at the small of his back and in his shoulders. They eat sandwiches, chatting. Jared tells him a little more about his family, since he’s about to meet them. Jensen is told to be careful not to get stuck alone with Gerry, who has a tendency to tell anecdotes that last for hours; that Megan has no filter and says everything that goes through her mind; and not to eat Sherry’s potato salad, no matter how much she insists, because she’s persuaded she has the best recipe ever when in reality, her salad tastes like glue and smells like old socks. 

There is a second coat of paint to give to the room, just with the paint roller, and Jared insists on doing it himself. He’s right, Jensen would just be in the way. It will be done in an hour tops, Jared goes on, and why doesn't Jensen take some time to rest since he’s going to need all his strength to face the Padaleckis in a few hours? It’s meant to be a joke, but Jensen knows Jared really wants him to rest. For some reason, it doesn’t annoy him. He is tired, had woken up around two o’clock in the morning with a freaking cramp in his left leg, so painful he had been close to tears. Another joy of pregnancy, apparently. 

“You’re right,” he tells Jared. “I’ll take a shower and maybe lie down for a little while. If you need anything, you know where to find me.”

“Don’t tempt me,” Jared says, then blushes, his mouth gaping open.

Jensen can’t help but smile. True, he would go for another round of awesome sex with Jared right now, but he can’t do this to him. The young man is becoming his friend -he can’t use him whenever he feels the need. It wouldn’t be right.

“Relax, it’s funny,” he says, walking away to the bathroom so that Jared doesn’t feel uneasy.

The shower is bliss, and when Jensen lies down on his side, wearing clean boxers and a white tee, he feels close to sleep almost immediately. He doesn’t fight it, just closes his eyes and drift drifts off to the sound of the paint roller sliding on the wall and Jared humming a song.

He wakes up hearing a knock on the door of his room and, looking at his watch, is surprised to realize he slept for most of the afternoon. It’s almost four.

“I’m awake, coming,” he rasps, stretching himself.

“Take your time,” Jared answers from the other side of the door.

Jensen dresses quickly and finds Jared waiting for him in the kitchen, drinking a soda. 

“Done,” he says. “And the garage called. Your car is ready. We’ll pick it up on the way to my parent’s, what do you say?”

Jensen agrees, then goes to see the baby’s room. Not only is the second coat of paint done, but everything is cleaned, even Jared’s painting brushes and rollers as well as Jensen’s. The masking tape on the floor has been removed as well, and the crib is standing in a corner, not touching the still drying walls.

“Thank you so much. I don’t know how I can repay you for this.”

“Nothing to repay,” Jared shakes his head. “We’re friends.”

Jensen feels the impulse to hug Jared. He’s close to tears all over again, the sensation of being so far away and very alone fading off each time he looks at his friend. He’s afraid Jared would interpret the gesture in the wrong way, so he settles for patting him on the back in a very manly way.

::: :::

After Jensen gets his car, he stops by a liquor store to buy a bottle of wine as a hostess/birthday man gift. The woman behind the counter gives him a nasty look confuses him until he realizes she must think the wine is for himself, the obviously pregnant man. For some reason, the instant judgment annoys him, and after he pays, he can’t resist saying, “Yes, that’s for me, because having a baby with fetal alcohol syndrome is so much fun.”

He smirks when he sees the clerk blush and doesn’t wait for an answer. He’s feeling pretty good. 

Jared’s parents live in a huge house in what looks like the most luxurious neighborhood of Northampton. Everybody’s already in the backyard. Jared didn't go back to his place to change. He’s laughing in his stained overalls, a green bang falling in his eyes. When he sees Jensen, his face lightens up and damn it, how can someone look so sexy and incredibly sweet at the same time? 

Jensen gets to meet Jared’s parents first. Sherry is a very chatty, very affectionate woman that Jared clearly takes after. Gerry is quieter, but the handshake he gives Jensen is sincere, and so are his congratulations about the baby.

Megan is a tall and pretty girl. She blushes red when Jared introduces Jensen to her. Her boyfriend, James, seems very amused. “I've never seen Megan so silent. She was very excited to meet you.”

“Jimmy!” Megan protests, elbowing him.

“Jared told me you read my books,” Jensen tells her to help put her more at ease.

“Yes, all of them! My god, you were my teenage idol… Not that you’re not my idol anymore, but I mean… Jesus, someone shut me up.”

“You’re doing so good,” Jared mocks.

He too gets an elbow in the chest.

The night is fun, better than Jensen anticipated. He eats a lot, spends some time with Gerry, who tells him how he refurbished the backyard and planted some vines to hide the old fence. It takes forty-five minutes. At some point, Jared comes with the clear intention to rescue him, offering to show Jensen the inside of the house, which Jensen declines, making Jared open his eyes wide in a comic way. Gerry is interesting, and Jensen is sitting comfortably with a plastic plate full of potato salad. Despite the warnings, he couldn’t say no when Sherry offered him some, seeming so proud of her recipe. Jensen had felt he had to take a bite in front of her, as she was looking at him eagerly, waiting for his reaction. 

The salad is delicious, thick and spicy with a lot of chives, which Jensen likes. He doesn’t know why Jared was so eager to tell him not to eat it.

It’s almost ten when Jensen starts to feel the weight of the day and decides to go back home. He says his goodbyes, thanks Sherry and Gerry for the nice evening, and signs one of his books that Megan finally worked up the courage to get out of her purse. It’s a first edition, and it’s worn out, clearly a well-loved book. Jensen offers Megan to send her a copy of the official script of the film that never was. She jumps up and down and takes him in an enthusiastic hug, then babbles an embarrassed apology if she “crushed the baby.” She’s as adorable as her brother, apparently.

Jared takes Jensen back to his car. It’s getting cold. Jensen doesn’t look forward to winter in New England. He shivers.

“Where did you drop the potato salad?” Jared asks, leaning against Jensen’s car.

“Nowhere. I ate it.”

“No way, man. Mom filled your whole plate.”

Jensen shrugs. “It was good.”

“What? It’s disgusting, and then it makes a heavy ball in your stomach and the aftertaste lasts for hours.”

“You’re just mean. It was a really good salad, I would have taken another serving.”

Jared looks horrified. “Okay, this must be the pregnancy thing that fucks with your taste buds or something.” 

Jensen laughs and pats his belly. “My little lodger loved it. He’s been quiet ever since.”

He sees Jared’s eyes drop to his stomach, lingering there, then looking up at him so softly Jensen shivers again, not because of the cold. For a moment, all he wants to do is kiss Jared’s pink lips, and it would be so easy. They’re only inches away from each other. Jared must feel it too because he takes a step forward, and yeah, this is going to happen…

Jensen’s belly shakes suddenly. He gasps, put both hands on it. There it is again, a small tremor. And again. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Jared asks, his voice heavy with worry.

Jensen smiles. “Huh. Yeah. I think the baby is hiccupping. I mean, I read somewhere it could happen, but man, this is weird.”

Weird but sweet, the regular twitches that come from his belly. Jensen can’t help but laugh. He grabs one of Jared’s hands and presses it on the lower part of his belly, holding it there.

Jared’s mouth drops open when he feels it, then he smiles too, looking amazed. “Wow, that’s… that’s so awesome. I can feel your baby hiccuping.”

“Poor little guy,” Jensen comments.

“Must be all that potato salad.”

They both burst out laughing. The maybe-kissing moment is gone, and Jensen thinks maybe it’s a good thing. He already knows Jared is going to be an important part of his new life here, in Northampton, and he doesn’t want to screw it up.

They part on this merry note. Jared stays in the driveway and waves goodbye to him in the rear-view mirror. It’s been a good day.  
____


	3. Dunphy's sign

The day after Halloween, the weather turns freezing. Jensen wakes up with his teeth chattering. He left a window open for the night –he’s constantly hot these days, except, of course, early mornings when the wind literally blows through the mosquito screen and right at his upper body and face, the only parts that aren’t under the comforter.

His little lodger is busily doing his daily gymnastic session. Jensen is split between burying himself under the covers and ignoring the cold, or getting up to close the damn window. Sadly, his bladder makes the decision for him. He gets up and grabs his old university hoodie from a chair nearby –the fabric is so worn out it stretches easily to accommodate his belly- and closes the window before heading toward the bathroom. He feels a little weird, and when he starts relieving himself, he's conscious of a strange stretching sensation around his navel. He doesn’t think anything of it: it seems like his belly is getting bigger every day, and, despite the daily application of anti-stretch mark cream, Jensen starts to believe it won’t change anything. There is a limit to skin elasticity, his androcologist has told him, and it's different for each person: it doesn’t matter that Jensen has only gained twenty pounds since the beginning of the pregnancy. If his skin can’t follow the rhythm, he’ll find himself with nice purple lines on his stomach.

It’s Saturday. Jared and Osric are supposed to pick him up around ten. They’ll have brunch at Jared’s favorite restaurant before heading to the mall. Jensen needs a changing table, a stroller, and a car seat. They’ll take Osric’s pickup truck to haul everything in. 

Sighing, Jensen looks at his watch. It’s barely five in the morning. He decides to settle on the couch with a comforter and a pillow, finds some old French movie with subtitles about a hunchback who wants to raise rabbits, and immediately starts to doze off on it. He’s almost comfortable now, and the baby is done kicking him. 

Still two months to go. Lately, it feels like this pregnancy will last forever. Jensen already had to buy new paternity clothes to accommodate his belly. As he was folding them and putting them in his set of drawers, he found his favorite pair of jeans from before the pregnancy and held them up against himself. He couldn’t believe he once fit in those. It seems like it was in another life.

Those bouts of melancholy don’t happen often, thankfully. As a matter of fact, Jensen is pretty positive toward the future and the baby’s birth. Since Jared and he have become friends, his fears and uncertainties about having left Coffeyville are gone. Jensen feels like he is slowly but surely settling down. It’s the little things: the supermarket he visits weekly, where some of the cashiers already call him by his name, or knowing his way around town, finding he prefers some neighborhoods compared to others, some favorite shops and restaurants, going back to the book store he found that is especially well furnished, or to that boardwalk near the Oxbow River Marina where he likes to walk while watching the boats and rowing teams practice. 

It's starting to feel home. A place Jensen would leave with regret. 

Jared and he have become very close friends over the past month. Jared is always willing to help Jensen getting everything ready for the baby, but it’s not only that. Now, they play videogames together in Jared’s small apartment –with Sam the ferret securely locked in his cage. The little monster seems to have something against Jensen. They spend hours talking, sitting in Jensen’s favorite coffee shop; even though he can’t actually drink coffee, the smell is enough to make him feel drunk on it. They text each other, watch sports together, they even went to an outdoor concert a couple of weeks back. Recently, Jared introduced his best friend to Jensen. Osric Chau is a nice guy, always quick with a funny reply and overall generous and kind, just like Jared. It doesn’t surprise Jensen that they’ve been best friends since high school and are now working together. They do make a strange pair: Jared’s tall and large frame compared to Osric’s slim and short one. “They would call us Laurel and Hardy back in school,” Jared had told him with a smile. “You wouldn’t believe it, but we were the same height until I hit fourteen years old and started growing like a freaking weed.”

There is something, though, that bothers Jensen –it’s not a bad thing per se, but he sometimes wonders where this will lead them. With Jared and him being together so often, Jared has become very much involved in Jensen’s pregnancy, helping whenever he could to finish the baby’s room, following the baby’s growth and Jensen’s new symptoms as they come, asking questions, even taking him to one of his doctor’s appointments when Jensen had been worried because his little lodger had been quiet all day. (As it had turned out, the baby apparently just wanted some rest. Dr. Cortese had made him drink some orange juice and settled him on his left side on a gurney at the back of her clinic. Five minutes later, the baby had started to kick. There is apparently something about orange juice, the high sugar content jazzes the babies up.) 

 

The real question is, though: what will happen after the baby’s born? Jared is young and doesn’t have any anchor: he pretty much works whenever he wants, likes to have some fun, to hang out with his friends and family. And it’s only normal. Jensen fears he’ll be alone again once his little lodger gets out of his comfortable place, or worse: that Jared will somehow think he owes it to Jensen to help with the baby. Either situation is bad. To be honest with himself, Jensen thinks their friendship will take a serious hit after he’s given birth. It saddens him, but it’s the way things are meant to happen. Like Jared had said, they’re in very different places in their life. If Jensen had followed the plan he’d carefully made before leaving Coffeyville, he would have signed up for a prenatal class; then, he would have had the opportunity to meet mothers –and maybe even a father-to-be or two. He would then have built a good social network with people going through the same thing as him.

Life rarely follows any plans, especially in Jensen’s case. That’s what he’s thinking, falling back asleep, vaguely aware of the still annoying stretching sensation around his navel.

::: :::

They have a great time, although Jensen definitely shouldn’t have ordered that second stack of pancakes, because he spends the next hour suffering with very bad acid reflux. They find everything they need at the store, though, and Osric falls in love with a mobile decorated with pixies and fairies, mushrooms and leaves, that plays the air of A Midsummer's Night Dream’s _Fairies Lullaby_ when cranked up. 

Osric looks up at Jensen with big puppy dog eyes. “Man, you gotta let me buy this for the baby. It’s way too cool to leave it there.”

“You are so gay,” Jensen sighs.

“Actually, I’m the only non-gay person here, and it’s not gay. It’s for kids. It’s adorable,” Osric replies with conviction.

Jared shrugs while Osric picks up the box. “It’s cute, Jen, you gotta give him this.”

“Well, I _am_ gay, so I suppose…” Jensen sights.

“Does it mean yes?”

“Yes.”

“And you will hang it over the crib.”

“Yes.”

Osric is smiling so wide reminds Jensen of a kid on Christmas morning who received the present he dreamed of. Besides, the mobile _is_ cute.

“Enchanted forest theme!” Jared exclaims, snapping his fingers. “We could find those big stickers to decorate the walls -oh, there’s even those plastic shining-in-the-dark ones. I saw some shaped like fireflies…. And maybe, you know, Osric could paint a tree in the corner of the crib, like it’s protecting the baby and-“

“Wow, did we actually make this baby, all the three of us together?” Jensen jokes.

Jared’s face gets serious all of sudden. “Okay, maybe I overstepped. I mean-“

“Hey, no, don’t apologize. I’m glad you guys are helping me with this. And a forest theme for the nursery is a good idea, the little lodger will be thrilled, I’m sure.”

“Well, from now on you should call him your little pixie,” Osric suggests.

“Don’t push it or I'll put the box back on the shelf,” Jensen deadpans.

Osric hold the mobile against himself protectively.

“We could go tomorrow to this decoration store on Main Street,” Jared goes on as they slowly walk to the checkout, Osric pushing the cart that's so full with large boxes, Jensen has no idea how he can see where he's going.

“I still have two months to go, there is no hurry,” Jensen reminds him.

“But near the end you won’t be in the best of shape and-“

Jensen smiles indulgently. “What do you imagine? That I’ll roll myself from my bed to the bathroom like a washed-up whale? I told you, Jay, pregnancy isn’t a sickness, and I feel fine.”

It’s almost true. The stretching, bothersome sensation around Jensen’s navel has shifted to his lower belly, and if he’s honest with himself, he can’t wait to be back home and lie down for a while.

They’re done anyway. Jensen’s little pix… - _lodger_ seems as happy as him, because he makes this movement that gives Jensen the impression he’s really flipping head over heels, and it’s not exactly comfortable, as it adds to the dull ache in his lower stomach.

::: :::

Jared is a light sleeper –always has been. He’s one of those people who doesn’t need more than six hours of sleep, waking up feeling refreshed and ready to burst with energy. He guesses the fact that a tiny noise can wake him up is somehow related. Usually, Sam is the one making the noise, running around the house or climbing on his bed, but this time, it’s Jared's cell phone. Jared wakes up in with a jolt, already knowing in his still half-asleep state that a phone ringing in the middle of the night is never a good sign. They had once played this board game with his family, where you had to talk about your personality traits. He’ll always remember when his mother was asked what scared her the most. Jared, who was fifteen then, had said it would be to forget to dress before going to school, but she had answered: “the phone ringing in the middle of the night.” Jared hadn't truly understood it until now. He picks up without looking who’s calling, wondering if his father has been overly tired or short of breath lately.

“Jay, can you come please?”

Jensen’s voice is full of panic. Jared is up without even realizing it, his heart beating fast.

“What happened? Is something wrong with the baby?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t feel good, and I called my sister and she said I had Dunphy’s sign and I should go to the hospital right away, but I don’t think I can drive.”

“Okay,” Jared tries to remain calm, picking up his discarded clothes on the floor and turning on the lights as he walks out of his room. “I’ll be there in ten minutes tops, Jen.”

“Fuck, I’m scared,” Jensen murmurs.

“Are you bleeding, or having contractions?”

“No, my stomach just hurts so damn much, and Mackenzie thinks I might have appendicitis.”

_Oh, hell._

Jared almost says that out loud.

How bad can it be? He doesn’t know what kind of sickness Dunphy’s sign is, but appendicitis is serious business. “Well, lie down and try to relax. I’m coming. If anything happens in the meantime, you can call me back.” 

“Jay?”

“What?”

“Your good luck balances my bad luck, right? Everything will be alright when you’ll be here, okay?”

It’s a plea for reassurance. Jared can tell how close to tears Jensen is, and he curses himself for lying about this damn good luck thing. Then he remembers what Osric told him.

“You’re damn right it will be. I’m your lucky charm. I’m coming, Jen.”

“’kay.” 

::: :::

It seems to take forever before Jensen comes to unlock the door –as a matter-of-fact, Jared is close to trying one of the windows when it finally opens.

Jared immediately realizes it’s a serious problem when he sees Jensen's state. The poor guy is sweating, his face beet red and his features tensed in pain. He's wearing sweat pants and an old hoodie, already has his shoes on, and is standing slightly bent over, one hand pressed on the right side of his belly. 

“Jensen, do you have a fever? Jared asks, noting the way his eyes are shining too bright and is his body is shaken by light tremors.

“A hundred and two,” Jensen rasps, grimacing as he takes a step toward Jared.

Jared immediately wraps one arm around his waist. As soon as Jensen feels the solid support, he all but collapses against Jared. They make their way very slowly to the car, Jensen moaning with each small step and outright screaming when he has to sit in the passenger’s seat. Jared closes his door and runs to the other side, turning his engine on even before he’s buckled up, then shifting into gear. He wants to drive fast, but doesn’t dare, scared to cause his friend any unnecessary pain from hitting a bump or turning too abruptly.

Jensen is silent, still bent over himself and shivering.

“I’m taking you to Cooley Dickinson Hospital. We’ll be there in ten minutes, alright?”

Jensen nods, then winces.

“God, Jen, what happened? You seemed alright this morning.”

“I huh… I just had this uncomfortable sensation around my navel,” Jensen says in a low voice, like even pushing the sound out of his mouth hurt. “Came back, took some Tylenol and went to bed but…”

He pauses and takes a long shuddering breath. Jared is starting to be seriously scared and wishes he would have known how bad Jensen's state was before he came, because he would have called an ambulance for him. 

“It just got worse,” Jensen breathes out. “I figured maybe I had digestion problems because it’s happened before, but the pain wouldn’t go away, even after another round of Tylenol. With each hour it seems to worsen, then around eight the fever started, and I huh… Still believed maybe it was the stomach flu or something like that. Around midnight, I stood up to go to the bathroom and I couldn’t unfold completely. Called my sister Mack. I told you she was a doc- damn it…”

“Sorry, oh god, Jen, I’m so sorry!” Jared panics. He hadn’t seen the small hole on the side of the street. The car had abruptly jumped forward.

Jensen’s face is a pasty white now, and Jared is afraid he’s going to faint, but after one minute of breathing carefully through his teeth, he regains some color.

“I was scared I was in labor, even though it didn’t seem like it ‘cause there was nothing close to regular contractions, and it only hurt on my right side. Mackenzie said she couldn’t tell and that I should have called the birth center instead of her, but then she found it strange that I spiked a fever and she told me to cough, and I did and fuck, it hurt so much I had to sit. She said it was used as a diagnosis, making someone cough and see if the pain worsen. It's called Dunphy’s sign, and it meant maybe I had appendicitis.”

“Okay, so Dunphy’s sign isn’t a rare disease. Jensen, if it is appendicitis, you’ll need surgery.”

_Way to go, Padalecki, scare the poor guy to death._

“I know. Mac says it’s a standard procedure, that it happens to pregnant people all the time and that the baby will be fine,” Jensen snaps back like he wants to convince himself and Jared in the same breath.

“Of course,” Jared answers. 

“It’s gonna be… aowww, fuck… Gonna be my twelfth surgery,” Jensen tries to laugh but it ends up in a grunt of pain.

“Why doesn't it surprise me.”

“Or you know, maybe it’s just some bad food poisoning and I’m scaring you for no reason.”

“Scaring me for no reason is totally okay, Jensen. And you’ll be fine.”

Jared parks his car near the emergency’s entry and leaves Jensen there to go looking for a wheelchair. Jensen hasn’t protested, an undeniable clue that he’s truly suffering, and badly. 

Appendicitis, Jared thinks, rolling the chair back to the car. It’s bad, but what if it’s something entirely different, that has to do with the baby - _oh god_ what if something is very wrong with the baby? Jensen has joked more than once that his kid seemed somehow immune to his father’s bad luck.

Let it be true.

There are two people waiting at the emergency room's admittance desk and no one pays attention to them, although Jensen is in a wheelchair and Jared keeps asking the nurse if she could please have a look at his friend. He’s about to snap when he sees Jensen’s eyes filling with tears. He knows his frame is imposing and won’t hesitate to use it to his advantage.

“Jay, I-“ Jensen murmurs, his face turning white.

It takes Jensen twisting on the side and vomiting violently on the floor to get some attention, but it goes quickly after that. A nurse takes Jensen to an exam room while asking him some questions, Jared almost running to keep up with them. When he tries to follow them in the exam room, though, another nurse stops him.

“Sorry, sir, you can’t come in here.”

“I want him to come with me,” Jensen complains, his eyes wide with fear. “He has to come.”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Ackles, I’ll take your husband to a waiting room close by and someone will go get him as soon as he can see you.”

Jared doesn’t have time to protest about this being-Jensen’s-husband-thing before the door closes on him. The other nurse gets him to the waiting room, reassuring him that they’ll take good care of his husband and this time, while Jared could have protested, he keeps his mouth shut. He knows he’ll be able to see Jensen and inquire about him more easily this way than as a casual friend.

The waiting begins. Jared takes his cellphone out and tries to pass time by playing some dumb memory game he’d downloaded, and it takes him a whole ten minutes to realize he can’t even match two cards. He shuts the game down and starts pacing, wonders what on earth's happened to him that he finds himself in the waiting room of the emergency room, worrying so much about his pregnant friend that he’s biting his nails until he draws blood. It seems like his life was so simple before. Work and friends, a hook-up here and there, a cold beer after a tough day… Sometimes just taking care of his ferret, cleaning his cage and playing with him, had seemed like hard work, he’d even wondered if he’d been ready to adopt an animal.

This sounds so stupid now. Jensen Ackles had needed a plumber -and since then, Jared’s life had taken a different turn. The thing is, he doesn’t care. He wouldn’t want it any other way.

He just wants Jensen and the baby to be okay.

It’s been forty-five minutes when someone finally comes to see him –a middle-aged man dressed in scrubs who’s clearly a doctor. He shakes Jared’s hand and introduces himself as Dr. Green – _yes, just like the TV show,_ he adds. He smiles.

“You made the right call taking your husband here as soon as possible. It is appendicitis.”

“Oh, god.”

“Mr…”

“Padalecki.”

“Mr. Padalecki, the removal of the appendix is an easy enough procedure -and it can be done by laparoscopy, even on pregnant patients. This mean all your husband will get is three small incisions on the side his abdomen, just a couple of stitches each. He was lucky: the appendix hadn't burst yet, and that’s why we have to work quickly before it does, because then we would have to deal with peritonitis and that would be quite a complication.”

“So, surgery, right?”

“The surgeon has been called. Dr. Goldberg has performed appendectomies dozens of time, your husband is in good hands.”

“How long will it take?”

Dr. Green shrugs. “From the moment Mr. Ackles will be under anesthesia, I’d say a maximum two hours.”

“Okay,” Jared sighs. 

The doctor doesn’t seem worried, and this alone takes a weight off his shoulders. Jared just wants to know about one more thing. “What about the baby?”

“We’ll have a specialized nurse from the birth and pediatrics center to monitor the fetus, but the risk of anything going wrong during or after the surgery are very low –so low that I don’t want you to worry about it, okay?”

Okay, Jared can totally do that. “Can I see him before you take him to surgery?”

“Of course.” Dr. Green flashes another smile. “There is still half an hour to go before everything is ready. We’ve given Mr. Ackles something for the pain so he’s a little out of it. It’s normal. You can come with me.”

Jensen is settled on a gurney, already plugged into machines and with a drip, wearing a white hospital gown with blue dots. He doesn’t look bothered or worried at all anymore. He looks seriously high, gazing all around himself with a goofy smile on his face, eyelids heavy. 

“Jay!” he slurs, patting the gurney as if there was an actual place for Jared to sit next to him. Jared settles for the small bench near the bed while Jensen follows him with glassy eyes, still smiling like a goof. “I love your hair,” he adds with affection.

“Jesus. What did they give you, Jen?”

“I’m ovsen…” Jensen tries. He frowns and moves his jaw, then says very slowly, “O-ver-sen-si-ti-ve to morphine. Nurse said I should’a told them before they gave me the injection.”

He burst out laughing, and even though he’s completely out of it, suffering from appendicitis and about to go under surgery, Jared can’t resist laughing too. This version of Jensen is priceless.

“Ya know,” Jensen goes on, playing with the tube of his IV drip, “Mac was right, this is my appendix acting out and they’ll cut it out like… pretty soon.”

“I know.” Jared stretches a hand and takes out the tube out of Jensen’s clumsy fingers before he tears it off. “You’ll feel much better afterward.”

“Hey, come here,” Jensen tilts his head toward Jared, who hesitates a moment before getting closer until his friend can whisper in his ear. “They all think we’re married.”

His face lights up with another bright, goofy smile. 

Jared feels a little hot suddenly. “I know. I didn’t say otherwise, so that I could come to see you.”

“Awww, Jay, you shouldn’t have. You’re a terrific friend, ya know. Better than that… You… You’re a sex beast. Think about it every day, that time we fucked-“ 

“Jen, you should rest,” Jared cuts him off in a strangled voice.

“No, there is something I need to tell you,” Jensen protests, looking very serious all of sudden. 

“Okay, I’m listening,” Jared agrees, hoping Jensen won’t remember any of this when he wakes up from his surgery.

“I’m proud to be your fake husband,” Jensen declares. “It’s an honor.” 

“Well, thank you, I’m proud to be your fake husband too. Now-“

“The little lodger must be high as kite,” Jensen goes on, rubbing a hand over his belly. “Oh. Sorry. The little Pixie. His forest is enchanted alright tonight.” Jensen swallows. Tears appear in his eyes, so suddenly it’s like some kind of magic trick. “They say he’ll be okay. He’ll be fine, right?

“Of course, Jensen. It’s standard procedure. Both of you will be fine.”

Jared grabs Jensen’s hand and presses it, hard. It’s the first time he sees him cry and it breaks his heart in tiny pieces. God, those tears are huge. “Everything will be okay,” he adds softly.

“Yes, and you know why? ‘Cause you’ll stay here while I get the surgery. You need to stay, because your good luck balance my bad luck, remember?” 

Jensen is dead serious. He sniffs and wipes the tears off his cheeks, looking at Jared with so much intensity it’s hard to bear. Jared wonders how much he actually believes in this. Jensen takes his bad luck very seriously, like a medical condition, or a curse that can’t be lifted. It’s as much a part of him as his arms and legs, as his beautiful green eyes. It’s not the time to question this, though, so Jared assures him that of course he’ll stay. He’ll be there when Jensen wakes up.

“Okay, then.” Jensen seems calmer now. “My cellphone… It’s in the little drawer set over there, can you get it?”

“Yes.”

Jared finds the phone on the top of Jensen’s clothes, neatly folded. He’s about to give it to him when the other man shakes his head.

“No, you keep it. Called Mac after they told me what was going on and I said to her she could call to get some news, that you would have the phone with you. And her number’s in there so if you have to talk to her, if anything goes wrong and-”

Jensen stops and his eyes widen. He lowers his head to look at his belly and shivers. “Everything will be fine, though,” he adds, trying to put as much confidence in his voice as he can.

“I’ll keep it with me,” Jared reassures him. 

“Knowing my family, they’re probably trying to find a flight to come here,” Jensen adds. “I’m happy they’ll get to meet you.”

“I’ll be happy to meet them too.”

Jensen tries to resettle in bed but winces after a second, uttering a quiet: “Ow.” His eyelids start drooping even more. “’M so tired,” he whispers.

“Then let go. Anyway, they’ll come to get you soon. Try to rest.”

“Don’ wanna. Wanna stay awake. Anesthesia scares me… Wanna be conscious ‘till then.”

“It’s perfectly safe. You should know, since this will be your…”

“Twelfth surgery. Still, don’t like losing control.”

Watching him, Jared realizes the big tears are about to fall again. He doesn’t think he can take any more of this. “Twelve surgeries,” he says. “When was the first one?”

“I was two and a half. Shoved a noodle up my nose and it wouldn’t come out.”

Half an hour later, two orderlies come to get Jensen while he slurs about his ninth surgery (twenty-six years old, broken arm that needed to be put back together). Jared follows them until they reach the elevator. He’s anxious about letting go of Jensen. It’s like a physical pain to move back a few steps and just watch.

“See ya later, Jay,” Jensen winks at him.

Then the elevator doors close and Jared is alone. A nurse takes him to a different waiting room on the first floor, close to the surgery department. He follows, his heartbeat picking up, feeling the prickling of tears in his eyes. What the hell is happening to him?

Then it hits him. It hits him hard, like someone has punched him in the stomach and cut knocked his breath out.

“I’m in love with him,” he whispers in a shaky voice.

“I sure hope so, honey, you’re married to him,” the nurse replies. 

“Yes, that’s…”

“It’s okay. Come on, you can sit here,” the nurse adds in a maternal voice, efficiently sitting Jared in a chair. “I know you’re worried right now, sir, but try to relax. Everything will be fine.”

_Nothing will be fine!_ Jared wants to yell. _I’m in love with a soon to be father eight years older than me with whom I slept once, but who can’t be in a relationship right now and is one of the closest friends I've ever had._

Of course, all he does is smiles nervously.

::: :::

He wants to wake up, but it’s hard. As soon as he succeeds in reaching consciousness, he dives back into the strange, cotton-like dream he seems to be trapped in. He's vaguely aware that things are happening, things are being done to him: he even talks once. Maybe. There is this vague pain low in his stomach. He’s nauseous and thirsty. 

Jensen fights harder and is finally able to free himself from the dream state. Before he even takes a look at his surroundings, he remembers what is happening to him. Appendicitis. His appendix had to be removed, which is probably done by now.

Yes, he’s in a large room with other patients lying on gurneys, plugged into machines and everyone is whispering. Some nurses are moving almost silently between them.

In a chair next to his own gurney, Jensen sees Jared looking at him with intensity, a small smile quirking his lips up.

“Hey, sleepy head.”

“Hey back,” Jensen rasps. It hurts his stomach when he talks.

“Everything went fine. The baby’s fine, and you are officially without an appendix.”

“I won’t miss it,” Jensen jokes weakly.

“I called your sister. You were right, your parents will be on the next flight to Northampton.”

“Good.”

It’s reassuring to have Jared here while Jensen is confused and weak, still trying to figure out the events of the night. He wants to say that much, but instead is sucked back into nothingness. It doesn’t last long, he thinks, because when he opens his eyes again Jared is in the exact same position.

“Thanks for staying,” he says.

“Hey, good luck charm here. I would be a pretty lame one if I had abandoned you.”

Jensen wants to thank him some more. Instead, his stomach starts churning suddenly and he throws up, twisting to the side not to do it on himself, and therefore spraying Jared’s shirt instead. 

_Great._

::: :::

Jared is meeting Alan, Donna and Mackenzie Ackles the next day, around noon. He took off early in the morning to get Jensen what he’ll need during his stay -pj’s, razor, toothbrush, etc.- and grabbed a couple of hours of sleep, not even bothering going back home and instead falling forward on Jensen’s couch after settling his cell phone alarm. He has the impression he barely had time to close his eyes before the _Pink Panther_ theme awakes him. He has three messages in his voice mail and feels panic invading him before he actually listens to them. They’re all from his mother, wondering why Jensen and he aren’t home for the brunch they were Invited to. Jared goes into the bathroom to freshen up a little, and grabs Jensen’s bag before heading outside, finally calling his mother back. It takes some time, explaining everything to her, but he finally succeeds, and after Sherry asks if Jensen is fine, her next question seems strange to him.

“What about you, honey?”

“What about me?” Jared asks, settling behind the wheel of his car. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. A little tired maybe, but you know…”

He has no idea where his mom is going with this. He starts the car. It’s freezing.

“You must have been pretty worried for Jensen.”

“Of course I was, mom, he’s my friend, what-“

“Jay, baby, I don’t want to upset you,” Sherry cuts him off softly. “I just want you to know that I’m here if you need to talk.”

“Sure, mom. Gotta hang up, Jensen’s waiting for his stuff.”

Jared isn’t stupid. He realizes pretty quickly that his mother knows he’s in love with Jensen, just like she had known he was gay, even before Jared had it all figured out. Right, talk about it, he thinks, smiling sadly. There isn’t anything to talk about. Jensen and him are in different places in their lives. That’s all there is to it.

When Jared enters his friend’s room, the bed is surrounded by his parents and sister. Jensen himself looks tired and weak, but relieved and happy to have them with him. He smiles widely at Jared still with a hint of the morphine look from yesterday.

“There’s my good luck charm,” he announces, making the presentations.

Donna hugs him and thanks him for looking out for Jensen. Alan, more withdrawn, shakes his hand firmly and pats him on the back. Mackenzie kisses him on the cheek. She’s a petite woman with long blond hair and features very similar to Jensen’s. She looks way too young to be a doctor, but there is a spark of sharp intelligence in her eyes and Jared feels like she’s analyzing him quickly and efficiently. He sets the bag on the foot of the bed and shifts from one foot to the other. He feels out of place, like he’s breaking an intimate moment. And yeah…

“I should go now.”

“What?” Jensen tries to rises on his elbows, but his features twist in pain and he falls back. “Come on, man, you just got here.”

“It’s okay, Jared, really,” Donna says, grabbing her husband’s arm. “We were about to go down to the cafeteria to eat something anyway.”

“Right.” Mackenzie snaps her fingers. “I’m… starving. Let’s go.”

A few seconds later, the three of them are gone. Jared and Jensen exchange a quizzical look.

“I’m sure they think there’s something between us,” Jensen murmurs. “What the hell, come and sit with me. Half the hospital thinks we’re married anyway.”

Jared snorts and settles in a chair near the head of the bed. “How are you feeling, Jen?” 

“Not so bad. Doesn’t really hurt, just like… my whole belly is sore. They switch me to Dilaudid instead of morphine. I don’t remember much from last night, but I’m so sorry if I acted like a loon.”

“What? Don’t be sorry, you were adorable.”

“Shut up,” Jensen blushes a little, and it does him some good not to be so pale anymore. “Jared, seriously, though.”

“What?”

“I don’t know how to thank you. You came when I called you, and you stayed with me and you were… there for me and… You didn’t need to have a pregnant guy invading your life, neither do you have to spend half of your time talking about babies and rescuing me each time I’m stupid enough to get into trouble.”

Jensen bites his lips and turns his head away from Jared. 

 

“Hey, Jen, look at me.”  
“No,” Jensen shakes his head vigorously, “because I’m fucking emotional and I don’t want you to see me cry like a wuss.”

“Too late,” Jared jokes, trying to put Jensen at ease. “You already did last night.”  
Jensen snorts and looks back at Jared. His eyes are filled with tears and shining in the bright light of the room. “I did, huh?”

“Yep. But you were high, and worried, so you get a free pass.”

“And what’s my excuse this time?”

“Hormones? The fact that you just went through surgery while pregnant? A mix of everything? I don’t care, Jen.”

Jensen nods and swallows loudly. “Anyway, I should be hanging out with pregnant people in a yoga class where we could compare our belly size and chat about stretch marks and swollen feet.”

Jared burst out laughing, imagining Jensen doing exactly that. He is relieved to see his friend smile sincerely this time. 

“Okay, I didn’t plan any of this, and we’re different, and I’m younger than you, and I don’t know shit about babies or pregnancy,” Jared says more seriously. “But it doesn’t matter. I like you, man, a lot. Maybe a little too much.”

Jensen’s face turns beet red and he opens his mouth, ready to say something. Jared lifts a hand to stop him and goes on. “I know, you can’t be in a relationship right now, and it wouldn’t work between you and me. I’m a big boy, and I can take care of myself, and my feelings are my problems. We’re friends. That’s what matters. Everything else is… irrelevant.”

Jensen smiles softly. “I never had a lot of friends, you know? There’s my agent, Christian, but it’s mostly a work relationship. I never felt the need to be surrounded by people. Maybe because in my family, we’re so close to each other. But I’m glad to be your friend, and I like you too, you’re a great guy. I just… don’t want you to feel obligated toward me, because of the baby and the fact that I’m new to town and don’t know a lot of people.”

“I never felt obligated to you,” Jared looks at Jensen straight in the eyes, making sure he gets it, really gets it. 

Jensen nods. “Okay, then.”

He presses a hand softly on the lower side of his belly and winces. Jared hands him the Dilaudid pump administrator. “Come on, you just had your appendix removed. Get high and get some rest, Jen. I’m sure your little lodger needs it as well.”

Jensen obeys. When his family comes back from wherever they went to leave both of them some alone time, he’s sleeping soundly.

::: :::

Jensen doesn’t suffer from any complications after his surgery. He’s allowed to go home three days later, as long as he takes it easy. Mackenzie has already flown back to Kansas: her practice is still quite new and she can’t allow herself to be absent for too long. Jensen’s parents stay five more days. Jared doesn’t want to intrude, so he restricts himself to a couple of short visits. On the second one, the day before his parents are planning to leave, Jensen is impatient and irritated, bored out of his mind. He sends his mom to the supermarket to buy some ice cream. Alan follows, like he guessed, somehow, that it is just an excuse to have a little alone time with Jared. Again.

“I love them,” Jensen states while Jared gets everything ready so that they can kick each other’s ass at _Super Street Fighter._ “But they drive me crazy, both hovering over me like I’m about to break in tiny pieces.”

“Give them a break. They were worried, you went through surgery while pregnant.”

“Oh. No. This doesn’t have anything to do with it –or maybe just a little. They’ve always been this way. Even Mackenzie, and she’s five years younger than me. It’s like being gay is some kind of handicap I have to be protected from. Add to that the fact that I’m accident prone, and that’s what you get.”

“Well, for them, you’ll always be the little boy who once shoved a noodle up his nose.”

Jensen’s mouth gapes open. “I… I told you about that?”

“Yep,” Jared smiles smugly. “Morphine. You also told me that you like my hair.”

“Well, fuck me,” Jensen whispers, grabbing the controller Jared is handing to him. “Anyway, I’m glad they leave tomorrow. I like the life we have here.”

Jared doesn’t think Jensen realizes that he just said “we” instead of “I”. All he knows is that it triggers a warm sensation growing from the pit of his stomach to each single part of his body.

Jensen kicks his ass at _Super Street Fighter._ Jared doesn’t mind one bit.  
___


	4. Power Outage

It suddenly occurs to Jensen, as he sits smiling and nodding at Dr. Cortese, that he’s going to give birth. Like, push a baby out of him, in about five weeks.

His androcologist goes through the labor process with him, speaks of the epidural, relaxation techniques, dilation and pushing. Jensen smiles like a mad man. Pushing a full-grown baby out of a very, very small hole. Yeah, sure, he can do it. It’s not like he’s the first man ever to give birth, right?

“Jensen?”

“Huh?”

Dr. Cortese looks at him quizzically. “I asked you if someone will be with you during the labor?”

…And then, after the baby is improbably pushed out of said hole, there is no way it can go back inside. Jensen is going to be responsible for a tiny human being, twenty-four seven…. 

“So?”

“Huh?”

Funny thing, but over the last months, and even more so the last weeks, as Jensen has prepared for his child’s arrival more actively, it never truly occurred to him how all of this was real.

_Well, shit._

His breathing speeds up, and even though he tries, he can’t seem to get enough air in his lungs. Everything becomes unnaturally bright around him, and he thinks maybe, just maybe, he’s dying from a sudden and rare syndrome.

Then a brown paper bag is shoved into his hand and Dr. Cortese rubs his back, telling him in a soothing voice, like Jensen is some scared little kid, that everything will be alright, and that he should concentrate on breathing.

What was the question again? Oh, yes, will he have a labor partner? That’s another issue that never crossed his mind.

“Jensen, slow down your breathing.”

::: :::

Jensen grabs the last buffalo wing on the plate, smiling at Jared wickedly. The restaurant is crowded, people cheering loudly for some hockey team whose game is displayed on giant TV screens. He loves this place, usually. Now, he just wants all that display of testosterone to shut up already so that he can tell Jared about the incident at the doctor’s office this morning.

Jared doesn’t even seem to be listening to him. He tries to get the attention of a waitress who makes her way around the crowded tables. Jared orders more wings and a pitcher of iced tea, and all the while Jensen waits. He got interrupted in the middle of a sentence, for goodness sakes.

“So what?” Jared finally asks. “You panicked. It happens, man.”

“You don’t get it,” Jensen snaps, annoyed at Jared's obtuseness. “I’m going to have a baby.”

“That’s pretty obvious.”

Jared points at Jensen’s swollen belly. It’s pressed against the table, cloaked with yet another once-fitting, now too-tight shirt. Hell.

“I can’t even remember wanting kids,” Jensen goes on. “Even less when I learned I was a carrier. But when I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t even hesitate. I knew from the start I wanted to keep the baby. Call it paternal instinct, I don’t know, but I still never actually imagined what my life would be like afterward.”

“Ya know,” Jared points a celery stick at him. “I think this is the kind of thing you can’t truly realize until it’s happening. I remember when I bought Sam: I listened carefully to everything the guy from the pet store told me. Then I brought him home, and only then did I really think that-“

“Are you comparing getting a freaking ferret to me becoming a _father_?

Jared opens his mouth, then closes it. “Huh. No.”

“And then Dr. Cortese asked me if there will be someone with me for the birth, and I was gaping at her like a fish out of the water. My mom will fly in to help after the baby’s born, but I will be alone during the birth itself. Pushing a thing the size of a bowling ball out of my ass.”

Jared winces and drops the celery stick.

“Well…”

“She told me the Midwife Center offers support to single parents during the labor if they don’t have anyone, even if you don’t want a home birth and you're doing the whole no-doctors-doing-things-naturally package.”

“That’s good, then.”

Jensen frowns at Jared. It’s like he’s speaking to a wall.

“What's good? I don’t want some stranger telling me to breathe while I’m screaming in pain! I prefer doing it by myself.”

“So, what are you going to do?” Jared is distracted by a sudden and loud general cheering. The freaking hockey team must have scored.

“I…”

 _…hoped you’d offer_ , Jensen thinks, incapable of saying this out loud. He can’t ask that of Jared. It’s too much. He’s already done a lot for Jensen, keeps doing a lot, and taking that step, actually asking him to be there next to Jensen for the birth, is impossible. Jared would say yes without actually realizing what’s asked of him, saving the panic for the hospital, or he would say yes because he’d know that it is what Jensen wants, without actually having any desire to go through this.

“…Don’t know,” Jensen finishes. 

“We’ll figure it out,” Jared replies, making some space on the table for the new plate of wings that has just arrived.

::: :::

The day Jensen gets to meet his potential labor partner, it’s all over the news on TV, the internet, and the local radio stations that a huge snowstorm is going to hit this part of Massachusetts early in the afternoon. Great. Jensen grumbles as he starts his car, his teeth chattering. It’s only mid-November and it’s already freezing, but at least it hasn’t started to snow yet.

“Damn winter,” Jensen murmurs, cranking the heater to the maximum. “Bloody snow. Fucking labor partner.”

Wow. This no-talking-out-loud rule is the first thing that goes out the window when Jensen’s in a bad mood. He apologizes to the baby. Out loud of course.

::: :::

It only takes Jensen a few minutes before he realizes that it won’t work. The guy’s name is Misha, and he seems competent enough, but there’s something about him Jensen just can’t bear. Maybe it’s the soft voice, or the too sympathetic smile, but Jensen figures, if he wants to punch the man in the nose right now, he is bound to do it when going through painful contraction. After then ten minutes, he just can’t take it anymore. If he hears the sentence “listen to your body, it knows what to do” one more time, he’s going to lose it.

“Oh. Gosh, my cellphone is vibrating, sorry! I’m waiting for an important call, gotta take this.”

“No problems,” Misha smiles.

Jensen takes the fake call and invent invents a personal emergency, slipping away from the meeting room. His cheeks are burning with shame while he stutters about calling Misha back.

He immediately feels better once he's outside, even when a tiny snowflake l lands on his nose, announcing the storm of the century, according to meteorologists. That’s it. He has his answer. He would definitely prefer to give birth alone than to be accompanied by a stranger.

…Or maybe what he really wants is just one particular person to be there with him, and it’s not Misha’s fault if he’s not Jared.  
“Well, too bad, we can do it together, right, baby?” He whispers to his belly where the little lodger is busy kicking hard enough to make Jensen’s stomach churn.

Jensen can’t wait to be home. His fridge and pantry are full, it’s warm, there is no place he needs to go for the next three days, so he’s prepared to be snowed in. No big deal.

When he gets back, he texts Jared to tell him about meeting the potential labor partner, maybe hoping to trigger some kind of reaction from him, but all he gets in response to his colorful description of Misha is a smiley and a warning about staying inside because of the storm. It’s Wednesday, and for some reason, it’s always Jared’s busiest day of the week. Why toilets are overflowing and pipes leaking more on this day of the week is a mystery.

It starts snowing for real around one in the afternoon. By then, Jensen is lying on the couch on his side, trying to relieve the sore muscles of his back. He would nap, but his little lodger is having way too much fun punching and kicking around, so he’s left thinking about the months to come, like how will he manage with a baby, and is Jared going to stay present in his life or is he slowly backing off? Usually all Jensen has to do to keep those thoughts at bay is imagine his son or daughter cuddled in his arms, warm and content. Or a few years from now, his kid climbing on his bike and learning to ride without the support wheels for the first time, and then farther away in time, on graduation day, looking at this marvelous young adult that he raised himself, and is now making him so proud.

Today, though, as the wind whistles against the windows, all Jensen can see and feel is loneliness, and he’s mad at himself for it, because damn it, before meeting Jared, he’s always been fine on his own, comfortable.

He finally drifts off to sleep, and dreams of giving birth to something non-human that the doctors won’t let him see, and as the nurses and orderlies yell and run out of the room; the little monster jumps in the doctor’s face and eats it, blood splashing everywhere. It’s not his first dream about his pregnancy, but it’s by far the darkest one. 

Jensen’s covered in sweat when he wakes up, sore all over and wondering why it’s so quiet in the house. It’s nearly four o’clock on the afternoon, and it is still snowing.

When he walks into the kitchen to have a glass of water, he understands the eerie impression of silence he’s had. It’s because none of the household appliances are running. Great, a power failure. 

::: :::

Jared is driving back home around six o’clock in the evening when he hears the statement the mayor released that afternoon. Well, driving is a big word for how his commute is going. It's more precise to say he’s sliding slowly through the snow-covered streets, squinting through the windshield while the wipers are on full speed. He already knows the part of town where Jensen lives has no electricity. His friend texted him a bit earlier to see if he was out of power too, but Jared hasn’t been home yet. Apparently there’s been an incident involving a tree and some power lines, and even though the technicians from the electric company are already working to fix the situation, the power will be out for at least twenty-four hours.

Jared is glad to see the streetlights shining through the falling snow when he arrives in his neighborhood. It then occurs to him that he just can’t leave Jensen to spend the night in his freezing home, and he curses himself for not having thought about it sooner. He makes a u-turn and drives back to where he came from. If he invites Jensen to spend the night at his place, he doesn’t want him have to drive his car. Jensen comes from Kansas, and Jared is pretty sure he hasn’t even thought about having winter tires installed on his car, and this weather is seriously fucked up. Knowing how bad luck seems to follow his friend like a shadow, better safe than sorry. Plus, Jensen doesn’t seem to be doing so well lately. For the last week or so, he’s been more distant, almost brooding, although he assures Jared that everything is fine. Jared doesn’t know if it’s because the pregnancy has really started to take its toll on him, with all the small aches and pains he’s been suffering from, and the impressive size of his belly giving him the now classic pregnancy stance. 

Sometimes Jared just doesn’t know what to say. He’s twenty-four and doesn’t remember having been around any pregnant men or woman; he doesn’t know much about it, and he’s always scared Jensen will think what he says is stupid. He spoke about it with Osric who once again told him he was a moron. “Maybe he’s just scared, you know, of what’s coming up. Giving birth and having a baby all by himself, I would be terrified.”

“I’m there,” Jared had replied.

“But are you really there? I mean, obviously you guys spend a lot of time together, and you think you’re in love with him, but you also think there is no possibility for things to work between you two.”

“He told me from the very beginning, that he couldn’t be in a relationship right now.”

“That’s what he said then, but trust me, Jay, I’m sure his response would be different now. I’ve seen the way he acts with you and there is definitely something there.”

“Okay, and now you’re a freaking psychologist? If I remember well-“

“I swear to god, if you bring back the only girlfriend I ever had, I’m going to punch you. 'M trying to be serious here. Jensen obviously thinks YOU don’t want to get involved, with him being older, and very much pregnant. And you… you do a lot of thing to help, of course, but at the end of the day, he’s still alone. He's still going to be a father and maybe he thinks you won’t stick around then.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because his life is going to be revolving twenty-four seven around a newborn, crying and puking and wetting his diapers. There will be no more days spent playing videogames or hanging out at the coffee shop.”

“I know that. Besides, if there is a time he’ll need me more than ever, it will be after the baby’s born.”

“Well, maybe you need to tell him that. I mean, okay, it’s possible that right now isn’t the best time to start a relationship… Your friendship, though, maybe you should tell him that the arrival of the baby won’t change anything with it.”

“So I just tell him.”

“Yeah, you tell him how you keep ditching your long-time best friend to be with him, and that you intend on keeping doing that.”

“Osric, you know I don’t-“

“Don’t give me those eyes. I like Jensen, and I like you. Everything is good, man. Except for the fact that you’re a moron.”

Osric has always been good at these discussions, despite what Jared had said. It often seems to him like he’s the perfect example of the expression: _the cobbler’s children go barefoot_ , concerning… well, life in general. Osric sees the solution to other people’s problems and solves them like a riddle, or a puzzle but he himself seems to be completely immune to this particular talent. He’s a nice, generous, and funny guy, but the only girlfriend he ever had, a few years back, was a manipulative bitch. Everybody saw it except Osric, who ended up hurt pretty badly -so much so that he hasn’t even tried to date anyone ever since. His childhood dream wasn’t to become Jared’s sidekick plumber, but to draw comic strips. He submitted a bunch of drawing when he applied to colleges with great art programs, but despite his talent, his poor grades played against him. He then decided that being an illustrator wasn’t for him, and never tried to make it on his own. Sometimes it angers Jared, but after so many attempts at trying to decide Osric to do something else with his life than plumbing, and being shut down over and over again, he kind of gave up, thinking that his friend would get tired soon enough of pipes and water floods. Apparently not, because it’s been five years and here they are, plumbing together, and if Jared is perfectly happy with it, it’s clear that Osric could find a more fulfilling career.

Jensen’s house seems even darker than the others in the neighborhood, probably because it stands alone surrounded by woods. Jared doesn’t even try to get close to the alley driveway, where snow has been pushed by the wind and now makes some kind of white, impassable dune.   
Jared pulls the hood of his winter coat over his head and gets out of his car, using a mix of running and jumping to reach Jensen’s front door. He knocks hard, blinking against the cold wind that blows in his face and makes his eyes water.

He doesn’t have to wait long. When the door opens, he rushes into the house without waiting. It’s only when the door is closed behind him that he acknowledges Jensen, standing a couple of feet away from him, holding a flashlight in his direction. A bunch of candles are burning on the kitchen table, giving the room an eerie look, full of shadows.

Jensen seems to be relieved to see Jared. That much is clear in his smile and wide eyes. He looks so tired and lonely, his belly dragging his shoulders backward to get some sort of balance. He wears plaid pajama pants, wool socks and a hoodie stretched over his large stomach, the ensemble completed with a beanie hat that makes him look way younger than he is, helped with the feeble light of the candles.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he asks.

“Came to get you. Fucking bad luck, right?” Jared jokes. “Of course, my good luck made my whole neighborhood all bright and warm with electricity.”

“Come on, Jay, you didn't have to, it will surely get fixed soon.”

“At least twenty-four hours, that’s what the town statement said. And it’s already freezing in here, Jensen.”

“Well, as I’m about to pop, I’m always fucking hot and I keep the temperature low,” Jensen grunts. “Of course, I didn’t plan on the heat going out and not being hot anymore.”

“See? So, grab a few things and come with me. It will be like… a slumber party. You and me and Sam.”

Jensen raises an eyebrow. “I’m only coming if Sam the mad ferret is not invited and stays in his cage.”

“Deal.”

“Where will I sleep?”

“In my bed. I’ll take the couch.”

Jensen frowns. “I can sleep on the couch, I don’t want you to-“

Jared loses his patience right there. He walks the step that still separates him from Jensen and takes him by the shoulder. “Stop saying stupid things. I’m not gonna let a thirty-six weeks pregnant man sleep on my old couch. Plus, we can always argue later, as soon as your things are packed and we’re on our way back to my place.”

Jensen looks at him for a long time. An emotion passes on his face, complex enough that Jared can’t decipher it. 

“Okay, then,” his friend says softly.

::: :::

There is definitely something up with Jared. He’s nervous, even though he doesn’t want to show it. Whatever, Jensen is too sore and cold to his bones the think about it for long. Jared offers that he can take a bath, and he accepts, remembering that even though his friend’s apartment is small, the bath is huge –Jared had it changed as soon as he’d moved in. Jensen only starts to feel warm once he’s been inside the hot water for half an hour, and then immediately gets sleepy. He’s dozing off happily when a knock at the door makes him jump.

“Jen? Is carbonara pasta fine for dinner?”

“Wait, are you going to cook this yourself?”

Jared has made no mystery about probably being the worst cook ever.

“No, just heat the sauce and boil the pasta, but I’ll add real bacon,” Jared coaxes playfully.

“I can get on board with that.”

The pasta is a tad overcooked and the sauce stuck to the bottom of the pot, giving it a slightly burned taste, but there is a lot of bacon, and the apartment is warm and bright, and that’s all Jensen needs. He eats a second plate, more slowly this time, while Jared is still playing with more than eating his first serving.

“What’s up with you?” Jensen finally asks.

“It’s… nothing.”

“Come on, Jay, I may not have known you for long, but I can tell. You’re weird, man.”

“Well, you were weird first,” Jared replies, as if they’re both ten years old going into a stupid argument.

“What?”

Jared clears his throat and puts his fork down, smiling nervously. “I huh… I actually want to say something to you, and I’m nervous, so yeah, maybe I’m a little weird.”

Oh, this is serious. Jensen prepares himself. Whenever someone tells him they need to say something to him, it ends up badly. 

“Shoot.”

“I wanted you to know that I’ll be there, ya know. Even after the baby’s born, it won’t change anything to our friendship. I’ll be there to help.”

Jared’s eyes are huge and the expression on his face so utterly sincere it makes Jensen’s throat swell. He tries to keep his composure, though.

“Jay… I… It will be completely different. I might not have realized it because we get along so well I just pushed the thought at the back of my mind but now… Now I can’t lie to myself. I don’t want you to feel like you have to help ‘cause I’ll be alone with the baby. It wouldn’t be fair for you.”

Jared sighs, looking annoyed, and it surprises Jensen, who was more or less waiting for him to be relieved. 

“Stop doing that,” Jared murmurs.

“Doing what?”

“Acting like a martyr, like the only reason I’m with you is because I pity you. It’s not like that. I mean… if I didn't enjoy being your friend, we wouldn’t be here tonight. I know that to you, I’m just a kid, but it’s stupid. I’m fucking twenty-four years old and you only have eight year on me… that’s nothing. I think it all comes down to the fact that you’re always prepared for something bad happening to you-“

It’s Jensen’s turn to be annoyed. “Because it _will_ happen, Jared! I mean, have you listened to anything I said since we met?”

“You say you’re realistic, not pessimistic, but it’s not true. Being realistic isn’t about always imagining the worst.”

And that’s it, Jensen’s had it. He’s way too pregnant and scared out of his mind to deal with Jared right now. He stands up as quickly as he can and curses silently when he almost loses his balance in the process. The fact that Jared is immediately stretching a hand to help him doesn’t do any good. He walks back a couple of feet. “Okay, you know what? I’m tired, I’m fucking huge, my back is sore, my ankles are swollen and the baby is trying his best to make his way up through my stomach. I don’t need this, not tonight. M’going to bed.”

And did he just sound like a freaking wuss or what? Jensen closes Jared’s bedroom door with way too much strength and quickly slides under the covers. He’s half hoping, half afraid Jared is going to knock any second, but he doesn’t. Fighting with the sheets to get comfortable, Jensen falls asleep still grumbling about the shitty day he’s just had.

He wakes up two hours later to use the bathroom. Jared is watching TV. Neither of them speak to each other.

Of course, after another two hours, Jensen wakes up again to use the bathroom, because apparently pregnancy has been invented for the sole purpose of making people miserable. Rubbing his eyes, he stumbles into the living room to get across to the bathroom. The TV is still turned on on the sport channel, but it’s the only light. He walks as softly as he can so as not to wake Jared up.

“Jensen?”

The voice is sharp and Jared is sitting up. Jensen has no idea how he managed to move so quickly. He’s too busy trying not to have a heart attack.

“Christ, Jay!” he pants, one hand on his chest.

“Sorry. I’m a light sleeper,” Jared whispers, like there is someone else still sleeping nearby who shouldn’t be disturbed. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, m’okay. Just need to take a piss,” and yes, now Jensen is whispering too. Maybe it’s contagious, just like yawning?

“But you just went.”

“I’m pregnant, remember?” 

On this, Jensen walks into the bathroom before he wets himself. When he comes out, the coffee table light is on and Jared is still sitting, but he now has a giant bag of skittles on his lap.

“It’s one am,” Jensen points out.

“I’m hungry. Want some?”

And yes, Jensen wants some. And he wants to stop feeling so miserable, and maybe apologize to Jared because he’s been an ass tonight.

Sitting on the couch is one hell of a maneuver. The thing is very low, and despite his efforts, Jensen falls back more than he sits, finding himself pretty close to Jared. He blushes and tries to rearrange himself. Jared shakes the opened skittles bag under his nose.

“Thanks,” Jensen grabs a couple and munches on them. His stomach isn’t happy with it. It’s a shame. Jensen loves Skittles.

“You know, I didn’t want the dinner to turn out the way it did. Osric is right: I’m a moron,” Jared murmurs without looking at him.

“Well, I’m an ass, so we’re even,” Jensen shrugs, already feeling a little better. “And you’re right, I’m scared out of my mind about doing this alone. I guess it’s a normal step. I’m just starting to realize how my life will change, and what it really means to be alone.”

Jared pats Jensen’s thigh sympathetically. And he shouldn't do that, because Jensen doesn’t know if he’s aroused or about to burst into tears, but those two options are equally undesirable at the moment.

“I was tired of the life back in Coffeyville, tired of feeling like everybody knew everything about me,” Jensen goes on. “I’ve always liked to live alone, to do my own thing, and I figured I wouldn’t have any problems moving away. Except I wasn’t really alone, ya know. My family was always there, always close. I had no freaking clue of what it was to be truly on my own.”

Jared frowns. “Are you thinking about moving back?”

For a minute, Jensen has no idea what to answer. Is he thinking about moving back? Well, maybe he does. A little. He tells Jared that much.

“Well, if you think you’ll be happier, go for it, man,” his friend says in a soft, quiet voice. “But you’re not alone here. You got me. I don’t know what makes you think I will run away after your baby’s born. Hell, I’ve practically admitted I have feelings for you-“

The sentence is out of Jensen’s mouth before he can stop it. “Because you didn’t offer.”

“Offer what?”

And then it’s too late to go back. “To be there with me, when I’ll give birth,” he murmurs, lowering his eyes.

“You didn’t ask,” Jared replies, sounding truly surprised. “When you told me about it, you never asked. And I thought you didn’t want me there ‘cause I’m younger and I don’t have any experience, and that maybe you’d think I would be more of a nuisance than helpful.”

Jensen stares back at Jared. “Why would you want to be there when I will be in pain, and cursing at you, and half naked pushing a baby out of my-“

“Woah.” Jared lifts a hand to stop him. “First of all, did you want me to offer or not? Because you seem very convinced that it would be a bad thing.”

“No! Not… Fuck, Jared, it’s… I thought you wouldn’t want to, and that even if you said yes, it would be out of pity and-“

“Not that pity word again.”

“Well…” Jensen trails off, waving his hand dismissively. 

“Okay, so we’re friends, right?” Jared asks patiently, like he’s talking to a little kid, and maybe Jensen feels just like that at the moment. 

“Yeah.”

“We'd already established that I enjoy being in your company when you decided it was a good time to get your appendix removed.”

Jensen snorts, can’t help it.

“And also, we balance each other,” Jared goes on. “Remember?” He points at Jensen. “Bad luck.” Then at himself. “Good luck.”

“Yeah,” Jensen smiles.

“And for god’s sake, the first time we met we had amazing sex.”

That they did. Jensen nods, biting his lips, remembering Jared’s muscular, firm body, and the taste of him on his tongue. Jared seems to be lost in his thoughts as well, his face showing this dreamlike expression. “Best sex I’ve ever had,” Jensen sighs.

“It was so intense,” Jared adds, then shakes his head vigorously and the moment is gone, which is good, because Jensen’s boner is trapped awkwardly between his belly and his thighs.

“The thing is,” Jared goes on, clearing his throat, “I guess you now have enough proof to consider my offer for the labor sincere. And my friendship. And my conviction that you having a kid won’t mess with it.”

“You… Really?”

Everything seems so easy and simple to Jensen, suddenly, like the greyish future has shifted in into one that's shining brightly, and it deserves some more thought -the fact that hearing those things from Jared is what changes everything.

Not now, though. Jensen’s tired. And groggy, full of endorphins, just like after a good meal, or after having sex.

“I don’t know if I’ll be much help, though, but of course I’ll be there with you.”

“You don’t know what you’ve just signed up for.”

“Shut up,” Jared jokes. “You neither.” He pauses and looks at Jensen in a funny way. “Really? Best sex you ever had?” 

And because Jensen feels anything but sexy right now, with his huge belly, a couple of stretchmarks, and his bottom that has gotten rounder and chubbier over the last three months, he doesn’t take the invitation that may or may not be offered here. Instead, he punches Jared’s shoulder. “Don’t get too smug, I’m pretty sure the hormones had something to do with it.”

::: :::

Jared contemplates the plate of cookies at the center of the table. Gingerbread men, of course, since it’s December first. It’s a tradition. Every first day of December, Gerry bakes cookies… and doesn’t stop until the 25th. By then, Jared usually can’t look at a plate of sweets without being nauseous. Tradition is important, though, so as usual he’ll eat them until the bitter end, which means a couple of more pounds and a resentful stomach.

Well, right now, he can’t even imagining taking a bite. Jared has a ball of stress rolling around in his stomach. He’d been fine until he drove Jensen back home this afternoon. Then he passed by the Company’s headquarters to get his next assignment, and something clicked on the way there. 

He was terrified of assisting Jensen during his labor.

He’d managed to do the job –leaking pipe, simple enough- but then he went back home and the panic began to rise again. Just looking at his heated bowl of mac and cheese made him feel nauseous. Then he called his mom –who else, she’s the only person close enough to him that has given birth- and asked if he could visit.

Now, as he’s telling her about Jensen’s wish and his answer, Sherry smiles –her special mother smile, that she keeps for special occasions: a mix of affection and annoyance. 

“So, it’s a nice thing you just did there, Jared,” she tells him in a neutral tone when he’s done.

Behind her, Gerry is emptying the dishwasher, silent as usual. Jared wonders what's going through his mind at the moment.

“I offered… willingly, didn’t even hesitate, mom,” Jared explains. “And then I realized that I know next to nothing of what I’m supposed to do, and I’m scared to screw things up.”

“Jay, baby, there is nothing to screw up. All you have to do is be there to support him.”

“But what if he’s in a lot of pain and I can’t… Can’t do anything about it. What if something goes wrong? What if I faint when-“

Sherry “tsked” him like only someone who’s your boss and your mother can do. “Stop with the what if. Jensen will be surrounded by a competent medical team. He’ll look up to you for comfort, nothing else.”

That’s when Jared hears a snort coming from the counter. Gerry turns toward them, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, right.”

“Gerry-“ Sherry warns.

“What? Listen, honey, I love you very much, and you’re a wonderful mother, but right now, you’re no use to Jared. _I_ was the one being insulted, holding your hand and rubbing your back –or not touching you at all, depending on your mood, which switched like… Every other minute. And I was the one running for ice chips, and telling you how wonderful you were while you yelled at me that I –sorry for the language- better shut the fuck up. So…”

Sherry looks at him silently for a long time. Gerry shrugs. Awkward, Jared thinks.

“Well, you weren’t the one in incredible pain for hours while pushing babies out of you,” Sherry finally replies coldly.

“I know, and I’ll always admire you for this,” Gerry says in a soothing voice. “But Jared has to know it’s not easy”, Gerry does air quotes with his fingers, ‘being there’ for him. It’s stressful, and it’s nerve-wracking, and you feel useless in the most awful way.”

He looks at Jared with an expression of sympathy on his features. “You see someone you care for suffering through labor, and you would do anything to take some of the pain away from her –or him. But you can’t, and every single thing you try to do to help seems useless and silly. You have to accept that Jensen may not be very kind with you, but it isn’t directed toward you. So you take the blows and you shut up about it. Sherry was in labor for twenty-two hours when Jeffrey was born. In the end, I was emotionally exhausted, and I can’t even imagine how much more intense it was for her. So, be prepared. It’s not easy, it’s a long process, and no matter how Jensen acts, you still have to be there for him.”

“Awww, honey, you were great, you know?” Sherry says softly, stretching one hand to grab Gerry’s one.

Gerry bends down to kiss her. Jared feels like he’s intruding on a very private moment and looks away.

“Your birth, though,” Gerry points out, looking at his son. “Your birth was awesome.”

“It was?”

“It’s because they gave me so much morphine I was way too high to realize what was going on,” Sherry replies, shaking her head. “We didn’t have time for an epidural, so the only option to sooth the pain was drugs. I don’t even remember you getting out.”

“She was completely out of it,” Gerry smiles. “She kept telling me how great everything was and that colors were so bright and that she could hear the sea. She snored during half of the dilating phase.”

“It’s not funny, Gerry!” Sherry replies. “You were drugged too, Jared,” she adds, grabbing her son’s hand. “It took a few moments before you could take your first breath, and your Apgar test wasn’t great.”

“But he was fine,” Gerry reminds her. “They did the test again two hours later, and you got a perfect score, Jared. You were so funny, though. Only time I ever saw a newborn looking completely wasted.” 

Jared can’t keep from laughing at that. He never heard this story before. Only the fact that he was a huge baby –nine pounds and a half- and that all he did was sleep and eat –eat mostly. It was like he didn’t even know he could cry. Adding this to the complete story, he wonders with amusement if the morphine his mom took stayed in his own system for long, turning him into the perfect baby.

 _Jensen yelling and in pain_. He’ll just have to make do, Jared thinks, feeling a little reassured. It won’t be easy, but he has the impression he’ll get through this just fine. What Jensen wants is simply not to be alone in this. 

“You know, I wonder when you will take the first step,” Sherry is saying, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“What?”

“Osric told me that Jensen told you he couldn’t be in a relationship right now, but-“

“What? When did my best friend and mother discuss my love life?”

“Every day at work,” Sherry shrugs. “That’s not the important thing, though. I personally think Jensen will never take those first steps, because he doesn’t want you to be stuck with an older man and single father.”

“Wow. You guys really did have more than a little chat,” Jared grumbles, feeling both embarrassed and annoyed.

“The way he looks at you, baby, I’m certain you’re not the only one to feel there could be something between you two.”

“Well, the fact that there could be something is irrelevant,” Jared states firmly. “I’m not going to mess with him right now, when he’s about to give birth. I don’t mind waiting.”

Sherry’s face is unreadable, but Gerry nods his approbation behind her. And Jared feels better about it. A little.

Whatever is going on with Jared at the moment, it’s not important. Jensen’s focus is on the baby’s birth and the weeks immediately following. He’s got enough on his plate as it is. Jared can wait. He just hopes Jensen won’t have decided to move back to Coffeyville before anything can happen.  
_ _ _

A/N: _Just wanted to say that I think Misha Collins is great and Jensen's opinion about him in my story doesn't reflect mine. I just wanted to include him in some way since he's been in all my J2 fics so far. Anyway, Misha the character would probably be a great labor and delivery partner, it's just that Jensen had already made up his mind about it before he got to meet him._ ;-)


	5. Surprise...?

On December third, Jared goes with Jensen to his doctor’s appointment. He insists that since he will be present for the birth, he would like to be involved in everything regarding Jensen’s pregnancy. Jensen doesn’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing. Jared seems to have morphed into some labor and delivery geek, it's an all-new side to him. Jared is easy-going and easily entertained: he doesn’t have any time-eating passion he puts in front of everything else. He likes video games, sports, action movies, and working out. He likes to play poker for a little bit of cash from time to time. He likes rock climbing. All those things, he does with moderation. But now, apparently, he’s settled on becoming an expert on all things birth-and-babies.

He swears to Jensen that he’ll leave the doctor’s office if he’s asked to (because elimination problems and swelling in the genital area isn’t something Jensen especially wants to share) and to wait for his turn before he starts with his questions –several of them, written neatly on a small card. Seriously, it’s like he’s preparing for an exam.

Dr. Cortese seems pleased to meet Jared, and to learn he’ll be there during Jensen’s labor and delivery. She then states that Jensen needs an andrological exam. He glares at Jared, willing him silently to stay seated in the office while the doctor and he move into the exam room.

This part is more than uncomfortable. Lying on his back is something Jensen tries to avoid now, the small of his back now hurting badly whenever he puts any kind of pressure on it. Dr. Cortese explains to him that the baby getting bigger puts some pressure on his vertebrae. By what she can feel, from softly palpating Jensen’s belly, the little lodger likes his comfort, because he still hasn’t settled in the birthing position, head first. 

The heart is beating fine, and according to the measurements, the baby should weigh between six and seven and a half pounds. As for its current position, since this is Jensen’s first pregnancy (he winces at the mere thought of wanting to go through this EVER again) the baby still has three weeks to turn, which is more than enough time.

What’s coming next is downright painful, and Jensen just closes his eyes and grits his teeth while he’s checked internally, barely hearing the news that the uterus cervix has started to soften, which is good news because it means Jensen’s body is readying itself for the labor.

“Wow!” Jared comments from the other room. “Really? His body is already getting-“

“Jay-“Jensen cuts him off.

“Yeah?”

“Is it your turn yet?”

“No. Sorry.”

Dr. Cortese smiles almost mischievously while she helps Jensen to sit up. Redressing himself is a difficult task, and he’s short of breath and sweating when he’s finally done. His doctor must have caught the look on his face because she pats him on the back sympathetically. “Almost there, Jensen. Only three more weeks to go.”

“Yeah, well, three weeks seem like a damn long time to me.”

When he’s back in the office, sitting next to Jared, his friend is wiggling on his chair like a kid trying to hold back the overwhelming urge to pee. His question list is ready, unfolded on his lap. It’s almost funny. Well, it _is_ funny, but Jensen’s just been through a painful androcological exam and all he wants to do now is drive back home, wrap himself in a blanket and sprawl on his couch for the rest of the day.

Dr. Cortese appears amused by Jared’s eagerness to ask his questions, but she also answers willingly, stating that this will be a change from Jensen’s usual quietness. Jensen frowns. Is he so quiet when he comes to his appointments?

“Okay, hum… first, what are Braxton-Hicks contractions, and how Jensen can differentiate them from the real deal?” Jared says, reading his list out loud.

“Braxton-Hicks what?” Jensen asks, lifting an eyebrow.

“False contractions. They’re supposed to happen toward the end of the pregnancy and help your body prepare itself for labor,” Jared explains.

Jensen guesses he must look like an idiot, with his mouth gaping and his eyes wide in surprise. He never heard about those false contractions –how is he supposed to deal with something that he doesn’t know shit about?

“Jensen and I talked about it at our last appointment,” Dr. Cortese explains. “He knows-“

“No, no I don’t,” Jensen cuts her off. “We… really? We talked about it?”

“Yes, it was in the brochure I gave you about labor and delivery.”

… Right. Jensen vaguely remembers it now, and how he threw it on the back seat of his car when his appointment was finished. He never took another look at it. To be honest with himself, there was a lot of information involved during his last appointment, and he had kind of drifted off at some point, trying to imagine himself pushing the baby out and being totally freaked out by the image it had triggered.

“I huh… Sorry,” Jensen mumbles, blushing.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Jared smiles at him likes he’s the one with the androcologist diploma. “That’s why I’m here.”

Jensen has to put a great deal of effort into stopping his eyes from rolling.

During the next twenty minutes, Jared asks about the epidural, the water breaking, the breathing exercises, the loss of the mucus plug, and so many other things Jensen hasn’t even considered that it makes him dizzy… and a little nauseous maybe. Each answer Dr. Cortese gives is written down next to the question, and when finally, _finally_ , the appointment is over, Jensen feels like he’s been run over by a truck. He’s so annoyed and disturbed it takes him some time to shake it off. Only when they’re both seated in Jared’s car –because, like he said, it must be so uncomfortable for Jensen to drive right now- trying to warm themselves up that Jensen takes a long, shuddering breath, and feels tears prickling his eyes.

“Damn it, Jared!,” he rasps, hitting the dashboard with his the palm of his hand.

“What?” Jared looks surprised, and confused.

“I… Why did you have to…”

Why did Jared had to… what? The only thing he did was get more information about the labor and delivery. Objectively, Jensen has no reason to be mad at him. He can’t even understand why he’s angry in the first place, much less why Jared should be on the receiving end of this anger. It’s hard work to keep his tears from falling.

“Jen?” Jared asks softly. “Do you think I overstepped?”

“I… No, that’s not it.”

“Then what is it?”

“I don’t know!” Jensen replies with frustration. “It’s like... you know more than me about my own pregnancy. I can’t even remember what my doctor tells me, I didn’t read any of those pregnancy guides. I don’t even have a name for the poor kid. I’m a lousy father and he’s not even born yet.”

“That’s bullshit, Jen.”

“How would you know?” Jensen asks with impatience.

“How would you? Ever been a father before? Seriously, I’m no expert, but I do know you’re a good guy, and that’s enough, alright?”

Jared’s tone is so reasonable Jensen feels shame washing over him suddenly. Most of the time, he holds it together; he’s his normal, independent and reasonable self, but lately, those bouts of anxiety takes hold of him more and more often. When Jared is there, it’s worse, because Jensen doesn’t feel like he needs to hide it. He wants Jared to see his vulnerability as much as his strength and tries not to think too hard about what it says regarding his feelings for the younger man.

“Sorry for being such a wuss,” he finally says, happy to see it makes Jared smile, all dimples out.

“Don’t be. I need this.”

“What? Me being a pain in the ass?”

“I figure,” Jared murmurs seriously, keeping his eyes on the road, “the practice is important. I need to get used to you uttering nonsense and me keeping my cool, because it’s going to be a hundred time worse during your labor.”

Jensen grunts and punches him on the shoulder. “Shut up.” 

They’re back to their usual self, bantering playfully. Jensen is just glad he didn’t cry this time. Easy waterworks is by far the most awkward consequence of his pregnancy. He sometimes wonders how he keeps hydrated.

::: :::

December 7 finds Jensen in the middle of yet another pregnancy-related breakdown. He might be reassured by Jared’s apparent determination to take care of him and make himself useful, but it doesn’t help Jensen feel less miserable sometimes. This pregnancy thing is messing with him pretty bad. He’s put on more than thirty-five pounds, his ankles are badly swollen, the small of his back is constantly sore. He can’t lie down without having painful acid reflux burning his throat, and sleep seems to evade him, whether because of the constant pressure on his bladder or the difficulty to find a comfortable position. The sleep issue is ironic, considering now would be the time to sleep as much as he can before the little lodger is born and needs him twenty-four seven. 

Everything is more or less ready for the kid’s arrival, but it doesn’t feel like it. The nursery’s decoration is unfinished, and although Jensen knows it won’t change anything for the baby, it makes him feel kind of bad. He stands up in the middle of the room, hands on the small of his back to try and relieve the pressure, and all he feels like doing is crying, which is ridiculous. They never got around buying those stickers Jared had told him about, nor did Osric paint anything on the green walls. Jensen wanted to buy a rug to put in the middle of the room, and curtains to cover the white venetian blinds hanging to the window, but he somehow postponed it, just like the rug, and the bed side lamp, and everything else that wasn’t absolutely necessary.

It’s snowing outside, again, and the very thought of going out exhausts him. He can’t fit his swollen feet in his winter boots and had to revert to old sneakers. He also cannot close his winter jacket because he never got around buying one especially for the end of the pregnancy. He would have to shovel, damn it, and he wonders how he’s supposed to do that when just getting up from the couch leaves him covered in sweat and short of breath.

Of course, as it often turns out, that moment of sheer desperation is when his cell phone rings. Jared is calling from work, wondering if Jensen needs anything because they had planned for Jared to come over and maybe they would order some Chinese food.

Jensen bursts out in a long discourse of complaints and self-pity, feeling his cheeks turn red from embarrassment and tears prickling his eyes –he still can’t stop, even though Jared is trying to soothe him with the sweet and quiet voice he's started to use recently. “Everything will be fine,” he says. “I’m coming over, do you need something? I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

Jensen blurts out an apology and hangs up –so much for being the eldest, mature one in this strange friendship. Of course, by the time Jared actually arrives, the whole emotional roller coaster his hormones have just put him through is over –and he wonders how he can have felt so desperate only minutes ago. Everything is fine. He’s doing fine, the little lodger is doing fine, and the nursery’s lack of design isn’t something life-threatening. He apologizes again to Jared. His friend smiles.

“It’s fun, you know, like I’m friends with Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I never know which one it will be when I call.”

“You do know that Hyde was a savage murderer, do you? Don’t push your luck, Padalecki,” Jensen deadpans.

Jared just smiles wider, all dimples and innocent eyes.

::: :::

“What is it?”

Jensen eyes the small piece of paper stamped with the golden seal of the _Northampton Norwegian Spa._ He looks doubtful, almost suspicious.

“It’s a present,” Jared repeats slowly, trying to keep a straight face.

“Yeah, I know that, but what is this spa thing?”

“Well, you know,” Jared scratches the back of his head and shrugs. “Those pampering places: massages, beauty masks, sauna bath, everything you want. Never been myself, but I’ve heard about it and apparently it works miracles.”

Jensen is still frowning. His hair is stuck in a tuft on the top of his head, his eyes underlined with blue shadow. He looks overly tired and worn-out with his too small crumpled shirt and his pregnant stance. Jared feels the sudden need to hug him, to help him to bed, give him a massage himself and cuddle him into a blanket, telling him how beautiful he is despite how little he thinks of himself right now. 

Of course, he doesn’t do it, but what he's planned is the next best thing. If only Jensen can accept the damn gift, everything will be golden.

“Why do you think I need a spa treatment?” Jensen asks, frowning.

“Okay, no,” Jared raises both hands in a peaceful gesture. “I’m not falling for this. Anything I say will have your panties into a twist.”

“Is it because I look fat, and old, and clumsy, and ready to burst?” Jensen goes on, his lips twitching.

“Yes, it is,” Jared answers bravely. 

“Okay, then,” Jensen goes into full smiling mode. “Thanks for the present, you big sap.”

“Yeah, right, I’m the sap,” Jared protests, his smile probably as huge as Jensen.

The plan is set into motion. Now, all he has to do is to get everything ready for Jensen’s very late baby shower.

Jared is awesome.

::: :::

It’s nine in the morning, on Saturday, December 10, when Jensen parks his car in front of the Northampton Norwegian Spa entrance. He’s still pregnant. And grumpy. He knows, on a purely intellectual level, that it’s better for the little lodger to wait until he’s fully to term before he decides to move out. It doesn’t prevent Jensen from wishing that the whole thing would be over and done with already. That’s why he accepted Jared’s gift in the first place. Jensen feels constantly sore and clumsy, so many small pains and aches coursing through his body that he doesn’t try to identify them anymore. Without further hesitation, he gets out of his car –more like tumbles out of the damn thing- with his gift certificate in his hand.

He wonders if this would have been more fun with Jared, but his friend had to excuse himself: he’s one of the plumbers on call during that weekend and, as he’d put it, it would be all kinds of strange showing up to fix a broken drain with a beauty mask on.

_Excuses_ , Jensen grumbles, pushing open the door of the building.

The first thing included in his gift is a “Norwegian Energetic Breakfast,” which turns out to be cold and thick oatmeal filled with clumps and not so fresh blueberries. Jensen looks around, but the two other clients seem to appreciate the atrocity. Jensen tries, he really tries, but his stomach isn’t happy with it and he ends up still hungry, his mood going from barely passable to all around irritable and impatient. The little lodger is not happy, and Jensen swears the baby must have grown teeth in utero because it tries to scrape the walls of his too-tight apartment.

Jensen has to wait twenty minutes for his next appointment –a massage, the only thing he’s actually looking forward to- sitting on a low bench in some kind of locker room, freezing in his too-thin white robe. When the masseuse comes to get him, she has to help him up, as if he doesn’t feel humiliated enough as it is.  
The massage room is warm and comfortable. Jensen picks an odorless oil and the woman has him lay on his left side –apparently it's better for the circulation and the baby while he's on the massage table. The masseuse, Nina, explains how she will help him relax, and that the effects can be positive on the baby as well. Jensen doesn’t care. He feels good, and he can’t wait to have her work out the knots in his back.

Then the massage actually starts.

Jensen thought it might hurt at first, given how sore he’s been feeling lately. For the first ten minutes, he grits his teeth and doesn’t say a thing, enduring the pain of those oily hands pressing and pushing as if the masseuse wants to reduce the muscles to mush.

It doesn’t get better. At some point, Nina seems to aim straight for his sciatic nerve and when he she presses on it, an awful electric current runs through Jensen’s left leg. He's had enough.

“I’m sorry[comma] but could you please be a little less… I don’t know: brutal? It really hurts.”

Nina shushes him like he’s a baby. “I know, it will get better, as soon as you relax a little.”

Jensen tries, but it doesn’t hurt any less, and he suddenly wonders what is he doing here, suffering this torture session, while he could be at home wrapped up in a blanket in front of the TV, dozing off.

Seriously, why? The breakfast was horrible, the whole spa smells of false luxury and cheap zen atmosphere. Jensen hates this place.

He makes the decision all of sudden, sitting up on the side of the table, then gliding down on the floor in an uneasy move. He’s passed caring. He points a finger toward Nina who’s looking at him, eyes wide in confusion.

“Okay, lady, I don’t know if you suck at this massage thing, or it’s me that’s delicate, and I don’t care. It hurts. I’m two weeks away from giving birth and I don’t want to be here.”

“You just need to relax and it’ll be fine.”

“No, it won’t! Unless you find a way to get this baby out of me now, it won’t!” Jensen replies, raising both hands in the air.

He turns on his heels and walks out of the massage room, not even looking back. Five minutes later, he’s sitting in his car, ready to head back home.

Instead of calming down, though, his exasperation and irritation only feed themselves even more. Damn Jared and his freaking gift, and his perfection, and his dimples and non-pregnant muscular body and…

Fuck. Jensen curses and hit the wheel. The little lodger does not approve.

“It isn’t about Jared. I’m just tired, that’s what it is. Tired, and… full of hormones and with a bowling ball rolling around in my stomach. That’s all. That’s all there is to it, really.”

That was a long monologue, even for him. Jensen turns onto his street and follows the snow-covered path, trying to take long, deep breaths and to focus on positive things, like the piece of chocolate cake that’s waiting for him in the fridge.

He sees Jared’s car parked in his driveway. 

What is he doing at Jensen’s place? It’s not a first occurrence, but it’s the first time it makes Jensen angry. The kid just won’t give up on him, despite how unlikeable Jensen is these days. Always smiling, ready to lend a hand, to care for Jensen’s needs, to comfort him and-

Hell, what is he doing now? Cooking a soup like some very hairy and six feet five housewife, making sure that Jensen won’t be able to live without him anymore?

Jensen climbs the steps leading to the door and opens it violently, calling for Jared, except that it sounds more like a yell. 

Jared appears, his face beet red, a very, very strange expression on his face. 

“Jen? What are you-“

“It sucked, Jared,” Jensen states loudly. “It sucked big time, and what are you doing here?”

“Well,” Jared laughs nervously and points backward with his thumb. “We were… I was just-“

“This is my house and you have no rights to be here without me!” Jensen yells, taking a step forward. “And your present was awful, don’t ever give anything to me ever again.” 

Jensen steps forward again, forcing Jared to back up. It’s like suddenly everything that sucks in his life right now is solely Jared’s fault.

“Jensen, wait, I need-“

“My life sucks!” Jensen goes on. “I don’t have any control over anything anymore, and fuck, fuck, if this baby doesn’t get out like… right now, I’m going to curl into a fucking ball and cry until it does. Nothing is fine, and I didn’t need a fucking bad masseuse to mess with my back at this freaking cheap spa. I have enough problems right now. I can’t even begin to list everything I have to deal with, most of those problems are so humiliating it makes me uncomfortable just thinking about it.”

“Yes, that’s why I’m here, to help,” Jared coaxes in a careful voice. “Please, listen to me-“

“You don’t have any idea of what I’m going through, Jared!” Jensen snaps because now, now that he’s started, he can’t stop. It's as simple as that. “You’re so nice to me, and I’m… I’m glad, but you don’t know what you’re talking about. At the end of the day, I’m still single and pregnant and I’m sick of it. Sick of not being able to see my feet, and sick of having to sit down because I can’t pee standing up anymore, and fuck, I could write a fucking book about my digestion problems. I sure hope you never get to know how fun it is to be constipated when-“

“Jensen!” Jared practically screams.

“What? I’m not allowed to be a little bitch about it?!”

“Yes, you are, but-“

“Three months ago, I was still desirable enough for you to fuck me without any second thought but right now, my body is monstrous and you wouldn’t touch me with a ten feet pole, you wouldn’t-“

Jensen stops all of sudden, not because he’s horrified by what he’s actually saying –which he should be, the small but still-present, rational part of his brain is suggesting- but because of Jared’s expression, which doesn’t quite fit with being yelled after for five minutes straight. 

Jared looks embarrassed –not mad, not sympathetic, not even annoyed. Embarrassed. And here’s the thing: he seems embarrassed for _Jensen._ Which doesn’t make any sense since they’re…

Jensen takes another step forward and pushes Jared to the side so that he can see his kitchen and living room.

_Oh._

_Oh. God._

Osric is there, frozen in place, a bucket of paint in one hand, a brush in the other. He's wearing one of those white overalls you can get at the hardware store and a ridiculous cap stating that he’s the king of renovation.

He’s not alone. Of course he’s not. Because Jensen’s life wasn’t shitty enough as it was.

Megan and her boyfriend are standing on kitchen chairs, holding what looks like a banner. Jensen thinks he can recognize his name somewhere. 

Jared’s dad is standing near the oven, wearing an apron covered with flour. He’s blushing too. Jared’s mom is sitting at the kitchen table, surrounded by colorful wraps and ribbons. When Jensen looks at her, she tries to smile, but it looks more like a grimace.

“But where…” Jensen stutters in a low, shaky voice. “Where is everybody’s car?”

“I had them park down the street so that you wouldn’t see them when you got back.”

“Oh,” Jensen murmurs. He's still wearing his winter coat and hat, and damn it, he’s hot. He can feel a trickle of sweat running down his neck. “Was this… Is it…”

“Hum… Surprise?” Jared tries, smiling the same grimacing smile as his mother.

Jensen has been humiliated plenty of times in his life, and this is close to that time in high school during soccer practice, where a wasp had somehow manage to slide into his shorts and he had to take them off in front of everybody. Erase that. It’s way worse.

Jensen tries to say something, he really does. Some kind of apology, a statement, a freaking monologue about how he’s an ass and everybody else is awesome.

He bursts out crying instead. What the hell? There is nowhere to hide without actually getting closer to all these nice people who decided to throw him a surprise baby shower. This is too much. He can’t.

Jensen stutters a word between two sobs –it might be “sorry,” he’s not sure, then he turns back on his heels and heads outside, waddling more than running to his car where he locks himself up and let go of the remnants of his control, sobbing hard and loud like a freaking baby. He shoves his face in his hands and drowns in snot and tears, so far gone he doesn’t even realize that Jared is knocking at his door. There's this ridiculous monkey-shaped winter hat perched on his head. Jensen snorts through his tears. And unlocks the door.

“There,” Jared shoves a box of Kleenex in his hands.

“Fuck, Jay, I…” Jensen sniffs after blowing his nose. 

He… what? What can he possibly say to make anything better?

“Come on,” Jared holds out a hand. 

“I… I can’t go back inside, Jay, not after…”

Jared smiles, and all Jensen wants is to put everything into his hands. Not have a care in the world. He doesn’t have the strength to look inside of him for whatever’s left of his pride and dignity.

“We’re not going back inside. We’re going at my place,” Jared explains, guiding Jensen around the car and seating him in the passenger seat. 

“But the surprise?” Jensen asks, voice raw from all the crying.

Jared settles behind the wheel. “Everybody understands, Jensen. They’re just sorry you didn’t realize they were there before you huh…”

“Freaked out and talked about constipation and that time we fucked?” Jensen suggests as Jared backs up the car, smiling.

“Well, yeah.”

He drives in silence for the next five minutes, which gives Jensen time to wipe his face properly and to get back to a more normal breathing rhythm.

“It’s my fault, really,” Jared declares. “I should have thought of something else instead of this stupid spa. I figured you could really use some rest and-“

“Not your fault. It’s just… The masseuse was horrible, and her massage was anything but relaxing.”

Jared’s eyes go wide as Jensen explains what happened. 

“I didn’t feel good there and I just… left. But what about everything you guys prepared for me?”

“It’s still going on, but we’ll celebrate your baby shower later on, just you and me.”

“Jay…” Jensen rasps, ready to burst into tears all over again.

“No, everybody understands, really. My mom wants me to tell you that she’s right there with you, and you don’t have to apologize for feeling crappy. Osric’s message is, literally: ‘Come on, dude, nobody expects you to be in the greatest shape when you look like you’re about to burst-“

“I’m not about to-“

“Well, you know,” Jared coaxes. “Anyway, James and Dad agree with him, and Megan says all she felt like doing was cuddling you into a blanket and feeding you soup, which, I suppose, means she’s sympathetic to you, in Megan’s language.”

“But still-“

“Still nothing,” Jared cuts him out off, parking the car in front of his apartment building. “It’s just… the other day, you told me about the nursery not being done, and how lonely you felt sometimes and I realized you didn’t get to have a proper baby shower since your family is back in Kansas. I wanted to do something nice for you.”

“It is nice,” Jensen insists. “It’s one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me, Jay.”

“I should have thought about it sooner. You would’ve been in better shape. I’m so new at this,” Jared adds, helping Jensen out of the car.

“New at what?” Jensen is curious, curious to know what Jared exactly means by that, and why voice tone is has become so serious suddenly. 

“New at having a pregnant friend,” Jared replies, shrugging. “Now, here’s the plan.” He opens the building door and steps back to let Jensen come inside first. “You spend the rest of the day at my place, doing absolutely nothing, and tonight, I’ll take you back home.”

“But your family-“ Jensen protests weakly.

“…will be fine. We’ll all be fine, I forbid you to even think about what just happened back at your place, do I make myself clear?”

Jared’s false serious tone is adorable, the way he looks at Jensen makes him feel so warm and calm, like everything that had just happened doesn’t have to be a big deal, like Jensen isn’t an hysterical. close to term pregnant man.

If only the circumstances were different, Jensen thinks, letting Jared hold his hand while they walk to the elevator.

::: :::

Jared doesn’t stay. He makes sure Sam the Demonic Ferret is locked up and draws a bath for Jensen, telling him to make himself at home.

Jensen is too tired to feel embarrassed or mad, or irritated anymore. He spends a long time in the hot water. The little lodger seems to appreciate it because he moves like crazy, enough for Jensen to wonder If he actually turned in the birthing position, judging by the way his stomach suddenly stretched in all sort of ways. It gives him the impression that that’s exactly what John Hurt’s character in _Alien_ must have feel like when HIS little lodger decided it was time to get out.

Then, Jensen all but collapses on Jared bed and falls asleep immediately: a deep, dreamless sleep. He only wakes up when Jared softly shakes his shoulder.

::: :::

Jared drives slowly, casting Jensen discreet looks from time to time. He still feels responsible for his friend’s earlier humiliation and, although Jensen had assured him that he’s not mad, that he’s the one who needs to apologize, Jared doesn’t feel any different. Jensen is going to give birth in less than two weeks and he’s been suffering a lot lately from an accumulation of small discomforts that, added together, make him miserable. Jared might not being able to truly understand what it feels like, but he’s not stupid. He sees his friend’s pale face and red rimmed eyes, dark circles underlying them. He sees the way he walks, so slowly and cautiously. He sees the grimaces and winces Jensen tries to hide. 

Jared had asked his mother if the end of a pregnancy was always that hard. “It depends. It’s different for everybody, and for each pregnancy,” she had told him while icing the cake. “I remember how great I felt when I was carrying Megan. I mean, two days before her birth I was still walking every morning to keep in shape, taking care of you two devils and the house, and working part-time. But my first pregnancy wasn’t that easy. I spent the last month home lying down because my back hurt so bad and I had hemorrhoids the size of-“

At which point Jared had stopped her. Too much information. He’d had his answer anyway. When he had accompanied Jensen to his doctor’s appointment and he had asked about those symptoms he was suffering from, she had reassured him: everything was normal. Jensen just had the bad luck to be in the category of those who had a difficult end of pregnancy. “Of course I am,” Jensen had mumbled. “They should name this category after me.”

The whole baby shower idea had popped in Jared’s mind like a Christmas firecracker. Jensen deserved to have nice things done for him, and he’d seemed so distraught by the fact the baby’s room wasn’t as ready as he’d wished it was Jared had to do something. He’d enlist Osric as the artist, surprised by his friend’s lack of protest, and had decided to turn the surprise into a full-on baby shower. 

“Everybody went home?” Jensen asks when Jared stops the car in front of his house.

“Yes.”

“Oh, god,” Jensen sighs, shaking his head.

“I told you it’s fine, Jen. Come on.”

Despite still feeling guilty, Jared can’t wait for Jensen to see what they’ve been working on all day. He helps his friend out of the car and holds his elbow firmly while they walk on the slippery snow-covered ground. Despite Jensen’s embarrassed expression, Jared thinks he can detect a hint of excitement on his tired features, and it makes him smile brightly.

In the kitchen, the banner is hung up on the wall, big bright letters stating : _Good Luck Jensen._ Jensen read it out loud and snorts. On the table the cake is waiting surrounded by a small amount of wrapped up presents. “You guys… Wow, your family barely knows me, Jared,” Jensen whispers, running his fingers on one brightly wrapped up box. “I don’t deserve-“

“You deserve all this and more,” Jared cuts him off, dragging him toward the nursery. Jensen resists at first. 

“Wait, when do I get to open my presents?”

“After you’ve seen the most awesome one,” Jared replies.

He opens the door of the nursery and turns on the light, then steps inside so that Jensen can see.

His friend’s mouth drops open. Jared wishes Osric could be there to witness it.

There is now a white tree painted at the corner of the room, its delicate branches undulating over the crib. The details are beautiful: small curly leaves scattering the branches, butterflies and fireflies flying all around it. Osric’s talent is displayed here, and it makes Jared a little sad, thinking about his friend’s decision of giving up in making an art career.

It’s not all there is to see, though. Hanging at the window is a set of curtains, white with a pattern of green leaves and curly stems. Megan had them custom made. 

Jared has finally visited this decorating store he’d talked about with Jensen a couple of months ago and, with the help of his mother, had selected those huge stickers he’d seen before. In a corner, three pixies are dancing around a big red mushroom. Two fairies pursue each other on another wall. Facing them on the opposite wall, a little boy and girl are playing with fallen leaves, throwing them over their head. This is Jared’s favorite one. James helped Osric with the painting and butterflies, fireflies and leaves that seem in motion, scattered away by the wind, are scattered all around the room. James doesn’t have any drawing talent, but Osric had given him complex models cut in cardboard. Even Jared painted a couple of leaves.

A bedside lamp shaped like a mushroom is diffusing its soft, yellow light in the room –Meg and Jared found it while shopping. On the middle of the wooden floor is a thick carpet with discreet flowery pattern. 

Osric’s last touch had been the sentence written over the crib, next to the tree. _“All You Need Is Faith, Trust, And A Little Bit Of Pixie Dust.”_

Jensen walks slowly in the middle of the room. His eyes are wide with surprise, his mouth slightly opened. He shakes his head and swallows loudly, turning on himself to take everything in. Then he smiles at Jared –this wide, bright smile of his that draws crinkles at the corner of his eyes.

He’s so beautiful it takes Jared’s breath away. He wishes he could tell him that much because god knows how little self-esteem Jensen has for himself right now, with his round curves and firm, large belly, the waddle that has become his way to walk, even more pronounced because of his bowlegs, his general clumsiness and exhaustion tensing his pale features. Can he not see how this mix of strength, vulnerability and softness makes him all the more gorgeous? In Jared’s eyes at least. He’s never felt so much for someone before, and it scares him a little, the power of these emotions.

“I don’t know what to say,” Jensen rasps, visibly fighting not to start crying again. “It’s amazing, what you guys did. I… can I hug you? I kind of want to hug you right now.”

Jared wonders if the love he feels right now can be seen on his face, because he’s almost shaking with it. He composes himself and opens his arms, taking an easy escape as he smiles playfully. “Well, if you insist.”

Jensen snorts and grabs him by the neck with one hand, clasping his back with the other. Jared wraps his arms around him, one over his shoulder, the other around the waist. They’re as close as they can be, Jensen’s firm, warm belly pressing against Jared’s flat stomach. He smells good, his grip is solid and tight. Jared kind of wishes he could never let go.

“You deserve this, everything,” he says, breathing in Jensen’s soft hair without touching them, as much as he wants to just shove his face in it.

“Yeah well,” Jensen releases his grip and shrugs. He’s blushing red. “I don’t really agree with you on this but,” he adds, lifting his finger and pointing it at Jared, “let’s say I let you get away with this because there is cake waiting in the kitchen and I’m starving.”

They eat half of the cake, each armed with a fork, not caring about cutting parts and using plates. Jensen methodically opens his presents: he gets a bunch of new born pajamas from Jared’s parents, a huge basket full of baby care products from Megan and James and a soft doll from Osric that diffuses light and plays a song when its belly is pressed. It has pointy ears and a funny hat. “It’s supposed to be a pixie,” Jared explains.

“It’s awesome,” Jensen smiles. 

His lips are white with the cake’s icing. Jared tries not to think about kissing them. He fails miserably. Luckily for him, Jensen is busy reading the letter Megan had written for him in the name of everybody. “Dear Jensen, don’t worry about what happened this morning. Enjoy the cake and the gifts, we wish you all the happiness you deserve with the arrival of your little lodger.”

Jensen swallows new tears threatening to fall down. He then looks on the table, visibly searching for something. Jared’s present.

Blushing, Jared gives him the bag he’d kept with him.

Jensen smiles and opens it. It’s a stuffed four leaves clover in bright green plush winking at him.

“I though, you know, the baby and you deserve all the good luck in the world,” he explains while Jensen pokes at the stuffed clover, grinning. “I mean, not that I think your kid will inherit your bad luck, but there is never enough luck, right?”

“Never,” Jensen agrees. “Thank you Jared.”

He looks at him in the eyes for a long time, with enough intensity to make Jared grateful he’s sitting because he’s sure his legs would betray him.

“You’re welcome,” he says.

“Still,” Jensen adds, smiling softly, ”you remain my favorite lucky charm. And this was probably the cheesiest thing I ever said.”

“I forgive you,” Jared says. “Hormones and all that.”

Jensen nods. He still holds the clover delicately and for a moment, Jared thinks he’s going to say something, something that maybe Jared desperately wants to hear. It last lasts for a couple of second, then Jensen shivers and yawns loudly, apologizing. 

The moment is gone. Again. Jared gets up and helps him clean the kitchen. They work side by side in a comfortable silence, like they’ve known each other for years. It’s nice.

____  
A/N: The quote written on the nursery wall is from J.M. Barrie's _Peter Pan_


	6. Desperate Measures

It’s December 18 and Christmas is definitely coming. All the streets are decorated, there is a thin layer of snow on the ground, Main Street is so busy you can barely circulate, and Jared has spent a whole day decorating a small artificial Christmas tree in Jensen’s living room. When Jensen asked where it came from –the tree as well as the decorations and lights- Jared had shrugged it off. “It’s mine, but I don’t really need one: I spend Christmas at my parent’s house anyway, and Sam keeps trying to climb it and throws the ornaments everywhere. Plus, I figured it would be nice to have a tree for your kid’s first Christmas.”

“You know he won’t remember it, right?”

“He’ll see it in the pictures… Hey, have you noticed that you keep talking about the baby as if he is a boy?”

Jensen hadn’t. Hearing Jared say it, he’d realized it was true: most of the time, he addressed his little lodger using the masculine form. He had thought he didn’t have any preferences, since his first sonogram, he'd resigned himself waiting for the birth to know the sex of his little lodger. He didn’t care either way as long as the baby was healthy, but maybe his subconscious was working its own agenda and wishing secretly for the baby to be a boy. Maybe it only seemed simpler this way, thinking his kid would be the same sex as him.

So, yeah, Christmas is coming –Jensen’s little lodger, let it be a boy or a girl, not so much. He had an appointment two days ago only to discover that his uterus’s cervix hadn’t moved since last time, and even thought the baby was now in the right position, he was still high in Jensen’s belly. Dr. Cortese had told him that, according to her, the baby wouldn’t come before his due date, maybe not for even up to a week after.

It had taken Jensen all the pride he had left not to burst out crying.

That’s how he finds himself standing in the living room near the Christmas tree with a bucket full of hot water and cleaning product, a rag in his other hand.

He’s read all there is to know about natural methods for kickstarting labor, and the safest way –besides sex, but yeah, not really an option here- appears to be physical exercise. He’s seen dozens of comments stating how cleaning the house helped induce labor, so Jensen figured he could at least give it a try, as desperate as he was to end this pregnancy. 

Since Jared is supposed to come for lunch, Jensen has already cleaned the kitchen floor on all fours –which was nice, actually, as it had relieved the pressure on his back. Now, he plans to clean all the visible surfaces in the living room. It starts well. The TV is turned on to an old Christmas movie he vaguely recalls having seen before, and his little lodger is quiet. He begins by the TV set and then does the bookshelf on the wall. He's panting a little, trying to ignore the dull throb in his hips and the small of his back, until he reaches the small desk he plans to use for writing later on. 

The space is narrow between the desk and the wall. Jensen pulls out the chair and tries to figure out the best way to clean the lower drawers. He can’t twist his body like he used to –he can’t twist it anymore, period- so he wets his cloth in the bucket of water and sits on the ground before lying on his back and pushing himself backward. Once he’s settled in the narrow space previously occupied by the chair, he cleans everything he can reach, then sighs in contentment. He does feel tired, even more than usual, so maybe it’s working; maybe the contractions are just about to start.

When every possible surface has been wiped clean, Jensen throws the dirty cloth at his feet. He’s more than uncomfortable now, and can’t wait to get up.

Which… Thinking about it, it dawns on him that it won’t be an easy thing to do. Pushing himself up was one thing, dragging himself down, Jensen realizes, is another matter entirely. When he bends his legs and tries to lift his hips, he just can’t get off the floor. The space is too narrow, his belly too heavy for it to work. Cursing, he tries to help himself with his hands, one pressed against the wall, the other on the side of the desk. He doesn’t move, not even a couple of centimeters down.

“Holy shit,” he whispers, short of breath. “I’m stuck.”

No, he’s not stuck, how could he be? If he could get in, he must be able to get out. It’s logic. Like a simple mathematical equation. 

“Fuck,” Jensen says out loud. “Fuck, this is… even for me…”

He tries to twist his way out, tries to turn on his side –an idea he abandons quickly after realizing his belly could stay stuck, pressed against the wall- and uses all the strength he can gather to try and push the desk with his shoulder, except the little bastard won’t budge. The carpet in the living room is thick and the desk is heavy. Right now, it seems like it weighs a ton.

Until then, Jensen hadn’t had time to panic because hell, he couldn’t believe he could just be stuck behind his desk, lying on his back. This just doesn’t happen. There must be a way.

…Except there isn’t. Jensen is breathing loud and fast, sweating profusely. He tries again, every single move he’s tried before, with even less success. Because now the space he’s stuck in seems to shrink, and he has trouble swallowing enough air, and he needs to move, the urge so intense it feels like tiny needles pricking all over his skin. He can’t stay stuck there. He doesn’t have his phone with him, there is no close neighbor to call for help. Lying on his back has been the least comfortable position over the last couple of months, because of the weight he carries and the pressure on his pelvis and vertebrae.

And now he can’t move, and hell, Jensen has never suffered from claustrophobia before, but now he understands, understands so well how horrible the feeling of being trapped is, and it occurs to him that he’ll never be able to forget.

If he ever gets out of there.

“Shit!” He screams at the empty room, pressing both of his hands against his sweat-slicked face. “Shit, shit, shit!”

His heart is beating hard and fast, his breathing rhythm accelerating. Jensen knows damn well what a panic attack feels like, and having one while he’s trapped like this isn’t a good idea, at all.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been stuck behind his desk; it already seems like hours, and if Jensen can’t get himself to calm down, he’s heading straight toward fainting from hyperventilation, or kickstarting the damn labor because of the sudden stress he imposes on his body.

_Serves you right,_ he thinks, trying to slow down his breathing. _You wanted to go into labor, you dumbass. Look at you now. When Jared is going to…_

_Get here._

Jensen’s breath gets stuck in his throat for a second, then blows out in a nervous burst of laughter.

_When_ Jared gets here, he thinks again, his panic switching to euphoria. Because Jared will get there soon.

Jensen doesn’t know how he could have forgotten, but in the time he has spent fighting to get out of his hiding place, the thought had evaded him completely.

They were talking on the phone last night, and Jensen had said how much he craved the shish kebab from the Greek restaurant near Jared’s workplace. It was just that the thought of dressing up and getting out in the cold for anything else than the bare necessities exhausted him. Jared had offered to pick up some food there and to spend his lunch time with Jensen. He had added that he wanted to go over some details about his plan concerning Jensen’s labor (because yes, Jared has a plan, all written down in a notebook, about how Jensen would reach him and how they’d get to the hospital, even planning two different routes in case there would be some traffic) but Jensen hadn’t really been listening, instead thinking of stuffing himself with Greek food, his stomach grumbling loudly. 

Jensen doesn’t wear his watch anymore –his wrists are swollen, and the bracelet band had started to leave red angry marks on his skin- but last time he checked, right before doing his stupid desk-cleaning move, it was almost noon. Which means Jared shouldn’t be long.

Jared’s never late.

All Jensen has to do is to remain calm until then. He’ll happily let Jared witness this other additional humiliation of his if it means getting out.

Waiting. He can do it. He’s not that uncomfortable, and now that he’s calming down, he knows there is enough space for him to breath, enough air.

Jensen’s little lodger pushes against the taut skin of his belly, just under his navel. He can’t help but laugh softly. “I know, dad’s an idiot, but we have to remain still for now so behave, alright?”

Another push, softer this time. Jensen rests one hand on his belly. “That’s right, baby, better get used to these kinds of situations ‘cause it tends to happen to dad all the time.”

Speaking out loud has a soothing effect on him, so Jensen keeps on going. He thinks the baby might like it as well.

::: :::

The sudden knock at the door makes him gasp in surprise. Jensen blinks. Was he actually falling asleep while trapped behind the desk? Apparently. He must have dozed off at least a few minutes: his legs are numb from staying perfectly still. He rubs at his eyes while Jared’s powerful voice fills the house. “Did someone order some Greek takeout? Delivered to you by a Greek god, nonetheless.”

There is a pause. Jensen can hear some shuffling, the typical noise of Jared taking out his boots and winter coat. 

“Jen?”

The voice gets closer. Jensen sighs. “In here!” he calls. “Living room.”

He hears Jared’s footsteps approaching. “No, you’re not.”

“Yes, behind the desk, I’m stuck.”

“What?”

Jensen’s not sure how he finds himself staring back at Jared’s concerned face; the desk pushed aside just like magic, it happened so fast. 

Jared’s not only concerned. He’s panicking, kneeling next to Jensen and looking at him from head to toes as if he’s searching for some injury. He talks so fast Jensen can barely understand a word here and there: hurt and fainting and ambulance and head and contractions and it’s enough for Jensen to shut him up, yelling his name.

“I didn’t fall, I got stuck here and all I need is for you to help me up.”

Jared casts him a look like Jensen has gone crazy, and it takes some time for him to clarify the situation. In the meantime, he’s still lying on his back, and he starts to get a little impatient. He bends his knees and stretches a hand. “Come on, man, don’t look so surprised, it’s me, remember? Now help me up, my legs are getting numb.”

Shaken out of his stupor, Jared offers enough support and strength so that Jensen can finally get upright. A dizzy spell hits him almost suddenly and he stumbles on his feet, holding on to Jared. “Okay, bad idea, I should sit.”

He doesn’t wait for Jared to get on with the program before leaning against the wall and slowly sliding down with his back on it, his legs stretched in front of him. The numbing sensation has shifted into a painful prickling one. He’s nauseous; an especially strong wave of stomach acid burns his throat as it rises up.

Jared kneels in front of him and wipes his hair away from his forehead. Jensen’s too tired to protest.

“How could you get stuck?”

“You tell me,” Jensen says slowly, moving his toes to get the sensation back in them. “I was perfectly fine getting in.”

“But Jen, it could have been dangerous. What if we hadn’t planned this lunch thing, huh?”

“What do you want me to say?” Jensen replies, annoyed by the lecture Jared is giving him, like Jensen can’t take care of himself. “It happened, it was a stupid thing to do, it’s done. The humiliation wasn’t enough, you want me to explain my motivations?”

Jared doesn’t seem bothered at all by Jensen’s aggressive tone. He shrugs. “Maybe?”

“Fine!” Jensen says, exasperated. “I read on the internet that physical exercise could trigger the labor, and apparently, house cleaning counts.”

“Trigger labor?” Jared frowns like Jensen is speaking another language. 

“Yeah, get this baby out ‘cause I can’t take it anymore.” 

“You only have one week left.”

Jensen groans in frustration. “Until my due date, which, Dr. Cortese told me, I will probably skip since my little lodger is in no hurry to be born. And if I don’t go into labor naturally, they’ll have me wait two more weeks before they induce. Three freaking weeks, Jared! And knowing me, I’ll do those three weeks in their entirety. Knowing me, the Pitocin probably won’t even work!”

Oh, there it is, Jensen’s whiny bitch tone again. He can’t stand himself in those moments, how can Jared always manage to smile through it with those warm, sympathetic eyes?

“Okay, so, there are some natural methods that can trigger labor, and you tried one –which obviously didn’t get you anywhere. Is there anything else? Anything safe?”

Jensen shakes his head. “Herbal teas. All sorts of combinations of herbal teas, but it depends on the website as to whether they’re safe or not, so I prefer not to try them. And then there is castor oil or really spicy food –they’re safe methods, kind of, but the secondary effects are nasty and… I don’t want to end up dehydrated in the hospital, like running for the bathroom with my gown opened in the back, showing my ass to everybody. Seriously. So, that’s a no go.” 

“It does seem unpleasant,” Jared states diplomatically. “That’s it?”

“Besides sex? Yeah, and damn it, how am I suppose to go on like this? I don’t sleep anymore, my back is killing me, I can’t eat anything without having horrible heartburn afterward, I pee every five minutes, I can’t tie my own shoes –that don’t fit me anymore anyway, so why am I complaining, right? and and –and I can barely fit behind the wheels of my car! My belly keeps pushing against it and it can’t be comfortable for the baby. That’s not all, but I’m sparing you the most humiliating stuff…”

Jensen stops only because he needs to get some air into his lungs. Jared is watching him intently.

“What do you mean, sex?” is all he asks.

“Seriously, you never heard of it before? That’s probably the most well-known method to trigger labor. 

“But does it work?”

“In some cases, yeah.”

“What I mean is : can there be like… undesirable side-effects, like with the castor oil?”

“No, actually, it’s even recommended by doctors and… wait.”

Jensen might be a tad slow, but he finally gets it, the way Jared looks at him, concentrated and cautious. He gasps. “No, Jared.”

“Why not?” Jared replies quickly.

“Why not? _Why not?”_ Jensen repeats, stupefied. “Jay, you’re not going to fuck me because I want to go into labor!”

Despite his refusal, his treacherous dick gives an interested twitch.

Jared nods slowly. “Still, if it could help,” he adds, almost as an afterthought.

“Man, I know you take this labor partner thing seriously, but this… this…” Jensen waves his hand, hoping Jared will get what nonsense this whole conversation is.

“Listen, Jensen,” Jared tries again, turning toward him with a determined look on his face. “We already know we’re good sex partners. This is not implying that anything serious will happen between us, it would be just sex –the best you ever had, apparently- between two consenting adults. And it would have the additional bonus of maybe helping to get your labor started.”

“Jared, have you seen me?” Jensen asks weakly because hell, he wants to do it. He _wants_ to have sex with Jared so bad it hurts. The only thing holding him back isn’t some moral issue about changing the relationship between them, whatever it is right now, friendship or fuck-friends or both, maybe more. Probably more already.

The hell with Jensen’s high principles. No, what he fears is showing himself on full display; his belly swollen large and firm, his thickened waist and swollen nipples, the heavier shape of his body. Lately, his balls have taken a slightly swollen aspect, his hole feels dilated and sensitive, leaking not much in quantity but almost constantly as it readies itself for the birth.

Jensen feels like a freak experiment gone wrong. What he sees in Jared’s eyes, though, is not pity or pure altruism. He sees desire, heated and urgent. He wants to believe in this, that Jared still wants him like he’d seemed to want him three months ago.

Jensen’s cock is quickly filling now. It’s good and it hurts at the same time, Jensen has become so sensitive lately. 

“Of course I’ve seen you, you’re kinda hard to miss,” Jared jokes, winking at him. “Fuck, Jensen, I know you’re not comfortable with your body right now but trust me, you’re gorgeous, even more so now that you’re so close to giving birth. Your belly, it does things to me -the way you walk, so carefully, the way you hold yourself… I don’t know, it might be a kink of mine, alright? Anyway, you look amazing, and hot, and when I look at your lips for too long, I…”

Jared shuts up and runs a finger on the side of Jensen’s face, carefully, like Jensen is something precious and delicate. Jensen can’t repress the moan rising in his throat. He’s completely aroused now, and when Jared’s fingers traces the shape of his lips, he loses whatever was left of his control and opens them, letting Jared’s index in and sucking on it, wishing it was something else, that they’d both be already naked in his bed.

“Shit,” Jared murmurs, shivering. “You’re… come on, bedroom.”

“Fuck yeah,” Jensen replies after letting go of his fingers reluctantly. “Help me up before I come in my pants.”

::: :::

This is so different than the first time, so much more intimate, and Jared feels something heavy inside of him; the weight of his feelings and desire, the presence of Jensen, not only physically but in his mind. Because now they know each other, and Jensen trusts Jared enough to show himself bare -insecurity is written all over his face, but trust as well. Trust that Jared really does desire him, does really care for him. As if all this isn't only be about sexual relief, a trick to get Jensen’s labor and delivery going.

They make out on the bed almost lazily, kissing and caressing each other awkwardly. Jensen’s belly is always in the way, but it’s good too, to have it between them, brushing against Jared’s flat stomach. Jared can’t stop touching it, kissing it. Whenever he gets close to the popped up navel, Jensen starts moaning and writhing on the bed. His cock is hard, pressed up against the lower part of his stomach. The tip is glistening with precome; Jensen’s thighs are sticky with it. 

After Jared is done worshipping his belly, he parts Jensen’s legs and settles between them. Jared has never slept with a carrier before Jensen and he needs to taste him, need needs to breathe in the smell of his arousal. Jensen seems to like it, if the way he moans and pants loudly are any indication.

Encouraged, Jared parts Jensen’s legs further and licks a long strip against his swollen, loosened hole. He hears Jensen groan as he lifts his head. The other man is propped up on his elbows, looking at him over the mount of his belly. His cheeks are red, his hair sticking up on his head in every direction. He groans louder and bites his lips like an afterthought, trying to prevent the sounds he makes from making it out of his mouth.

“You okay?” Jared asks, short of breath, eager to go back to his task of licking him open.

“It’s… It looks like this because of the pregnancy,” Jensen rasps, the blush on his cheeks intensifying.

“What’s wrong with it, you look so… like you’re already opening for me, I don’t even think I’ll need lube, Jen.”

“Holy shit, fuck me, Jay, fuck me now,” Jensen pleads, the tip of his cock gushing precome.

“Yeah, alright, okay,” Jared agrees willingly.

He hasn’t even touched himself yet, but he can already feel his orgasm building up, his balls tight under his cock, small electric-like shocks exploding in his lower belly. And he isn’t even inside Jensen yet.

Luckily for Jared's control, it takes some time to figure out how Jensen can position himself to be comfortable and… accessible, he adds, grinning sheepishly. He tries to settle on all fours and turns his head back to look at Jared, a grimace of discomfort on his features. Jared tries not to be hypnotized by his glistening hole, twitching rhythmically.

“I don’t think I can stay like this for too long,” Jensen explains. “Wait, got an idea…”

Jared nods frantically. Jensen turns clumsily on his left side, using the body pillow they’d bought him a month ago. “Yeah, like this,” he sighs, giving his cock a slow stroke from root to tip. “Think you’ll be able to hold my legs open, big guy?”

“Anything,” Jared stutters.

He’s busy rolling a condom over his dick, trying not to tease himself too much. When he’s done, he smiles at Jensen like he just accomplished an impossible task, then kneels right behind his legs. Jensen lifts his right one, holding it with his hands, shaking with exertion while Jared aligns himself and finally, finally breaches the first circle of muscle of Jensen’s hole and slides inside without resistance. Jensen’s inner walls are hot and wet, clenching tightly around him. Jared doesn’t move yet: he grabs Jensen’s leg to give him a break, while the other man keeps his eyes clenched tight, moaning a series of obscenities.

“Does it hurt?” Jared asks, settling himself half lying on his side, half sitting, propped up by his free arm. “Want me to get out?”

“Want me to kill you?” Jensen rasps, his fingers scratching at the sheet. “Move, Jay, please, not gonna last long.”

“Me either.”

“Well, what are you waiting for?”

Jared doesn’t need any more encouragement. With the position they hold, he doesn’t have a lot of leverage to move, so he begins a quick rhythm of short pushes alternating with shifting his hips from left to right. After a couple of minutes, Jensen starts to help, shoving his ass back when Jared pushes in, both of them panting at the same rhythm. Jensen keeps letting out those soft, high-pitched keens, both of his hands resting on his belly, stroking it softly, and damn it if it isn’t one of the sexiest things Jared has ever seen. They’re pressed together as close as they can be, Jensen’s back sticky with sweat glued to Jared’s chest. Jared thinks, shoving as deep as he can, how he’d never felt so close to someone else in his life, literally as well as figuratively.

 

“You drive me crazy, Jen, I can’t even… Fuck, wanna stay like this forever, you’re… everything. You’re everything.”

He doesn’t even know what he’s saying anymore, except that it’s not enough, not even the start of letting out how intense are his feelings for Jensen, and Jared’s close to coming now, his whole body lighting up, every nerve-ending on fire, the space between his stomach and thighs a maelstrom of pleasure and want and need. 

More.

“Come on, faster,” Jensen coaxes him, short of breath. “Come on, Jay, I can’t…” His tone is whiny, fragile. 

Jared kisses his neck and sucks the skin there almost brutally. “Don’t worry, we’ll get you there. Together, baby… Touch yourself for me, okay?”

Jensen whines louder but wraps his hand around his cock. It’s even harder than a few minutes before, the angry red color of it turning to purple on the head. Jensen’s motions are uneven, frantic, without any real rhythm, but somehow Jared succeeds into following him, relishing in the cries that escape his lover’s mouth; high-pitched, desperate, and the grimace of escalating pleasure contorting his features. Jared knows he’s going to come from the sight alone, but when finally, finally, Jensen tenses all over, his anus constricting almost painfully around Jared’s dick, his orgasm rips through him brutally. He’s helpless, trying to ride the wave without losing himself, pressed even tighter against Jensen. The other man is shaking violently from head to toes, still crying, inarticulate, raw sound escaping his lips.

They remain like this for a few minutes, catching their breath. When Jared begins to move, wanting to slide out of Jensen, Jensen grabs his arm and wraps it around himself, Jared’s hand resting with his on his belly. “Newsflash,” Jensen groans. “I’m a cuddler.”

“Okay.” Jared stretches and lets go of Jensen’s hand to grab the comforter and cover the both of them. When he puts it back, he feels a series of kicks on his palm and laughs softly. It still amazes him, the rare time Jensen lets him touch his belly, when he gets to feel his little lodger.

“Yeah, he’s moving a lot today,” Jensen murmurs. “Jay?” he adds, after a while.

“What?”

“That was amazing, thank you.”

“Oh yeah, because I didn’t enjoy it at all,” Jared answers, pressing Jensen’s hand. 

Jensen snorts. “I figured. Seriously, though, and it’s not because I wanted to get the labor going; thanks. I needed this, just didn’t realize it is all.”

“I needed it as well, Jen.”

The moment is perfect. Jared wants it to stay like this, because he doesn’t know what Jensen and him are, or what they will be in the future. He kisses the other man’s neck once again, delicately this time, just barely pressing his lips where the skin is already starting to turn from red to blue. A mark from him, possessiveness like Jared has never felt before.

He whispers, because Jensen’s body is getting lax between his arms; his breathing is slowing down and he’s going to fall asleep soon, Jared can tell. “Let’s not put a label on this, okay? I don’t want you to get anxious, thinking about what it could mean. You have enough on your plate right now. I don’t want anything you can’t give to me, and I’m just happy to be your good luck charm.”

Jensen twists in his arms until he can turn his head enough to look at him. He looks drowsy, but there is a warmth in his eyes that gets to Jared immediately, and he feels it spreading inside of him. 

He answers him Jared in the same whispered voice. “No, you don’t get to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Give me an out, taking the responsibility of what just happened off my shoulders. We made love together, Jared, and I was a more than willing participant. And I think it’s clear that whatever is going on between us is way more than just friends that happened to have fucked once. Or twice.”

Jensen settles back in his previous position, leaving Jared uncertain of what to think, or how to answer. He’s practically certain Jensen just admitted having feelings for him. Like… 99% sure. If so…

“Then what?”

“I don’t know, Jay,” Jensen murmurs. “Do you? I mean, any time now, I’m going to give birth to my kid, and I know you say nothing will change, but it will. You don’t have to convince me anymore that you'll stay in my life, but making decisions is tough for me right now -you have a point. It’s not fair for me to ask you to wait but I don’t know what else to do, because we’ll be different, we’ll see each other differently, once the baby’s here.”

Jared knows Jensen is right, and maybe it should discourage him, leaving everything between them on hold for the time being. It doesn’t, though, because it’s already more than Jared has hoped. After all, isn’t he already waiting for Jensen to be ready, since that night in the emergency room where he saw Jensen disappearing behind the elevator doors?

“I’m such a sap,” he declares.

“Wha’? What did you say?” Jensen slurs.

“Nothing. My thoughts are sappy.”

“Got no problem with it…” Is Jensen’s last coherent sentence. Jared waits patiently for him to fall deep asleep, enjoying the proximity as long as he can. At some point, his dick starts to slide free from Jensen’s hole. Jared grabs the condom just in time and winces while he frees himself. All he gets from Jensen is a indistinct grunt. He’s out for the count. It’s good. He needs all the rest he can get.

::: :::

It doesn’t really feel like waking up, more like resurfacing. Slowly, very slowly. Jensen is aware that he’s hot, the sheets clinging to his naked body so wet with sweat that they seem heavier. His back hurts, a dull throb on the lower part, different from the usual soreness. His stomach is upset, too, and the heartburn is at its worst. His bladder is so full it feels stretched and ready to burst.

Still, Jensen lets himself drift off and come back several times. He should be uncomfortable enough to wake up abruptly, but somehow he doesn’t. He starts to hear noises in the house: footsteps, drawers opening and closing, water running. He vaguely thinks Jared is still there, but it must be later in the day. Behind his closed eyelids, there isn’t as much light as there should be. 

Curiosity more than anything else is what really pulls him out of his dream-like state. He blinks lazily and opens an eye to have a look at his alarm clock. 

It’s seven-thirty in the evening. It was about twelve when Jared and he went to bed. Count more or less half an hour for the –fantastic- fucking, and it means Jensen has slept seven hours in a row, which hasn't happened to him for the last month, maybe more, and that’s counting the nights as well as the naps.

“Wow,” Jensen murmurs, voice scratchy and low.

His little lodger is quiet. He usually is busy punching Jensen’s insides whenever his dad wakes up. And it isn’t the only unusual thing. The top of Jensen’s belly itches in a very strange way, like the source of the irritation is deep under the layer of skin. He scratches it, not surprised to find out it doesn’t provide any relief.

“Okay,” Jensen tells the room. “So, you slept, the baby’s quiet and your stomach is itchy. Doesn’t mean anything.”

Of course it doesn’t. It’s not because Jensen just had sex that his labor is starting. Well, it could be a possibility but…

Sighting, Jensen rolls himself to the edge of the mattress and stands up slowly. He grabs clean pajama pants and a t-shirt from his set of drawers and begins the difficult task that is dressing up. When he succeeds, he’s panting and covered in sweat all over again. The baby’s still quiet, the itch won’t go away, but the strange pain in his lower back has disappeared completely.

A knock on his door takes him out of his reflective state.

“You can come in.”

Jared doesn’t hesitate. He smiles, his head peeking inside Jensen’s bedroom. “You slept,” he said.

“I know, right?”

“I thought you’d wake up before I had to leave for work but no, you were out for the count. Left you a message that I’d come back afterward, never thought you’d still be asleep. You have to be hungry, man.”

The mere mention of food floods Jensen’s mouth with thick, acrid saliva. He tries to swallow, but his stomach does this flip-flop kind of thing meaning it’s not only upset, but about to get downright angry.

Jensen barely makes it into the bathroom in time. He throws up basically nothing, as little is left from his breakfast and he hasn’t eaten anything since. The dry heaves are worse: it hurts, seizing Jensen’s muscles from head to hips, and it just won’t stop. Tears are flowing down his cheeks now, and flashing dots cover his vision. He moans, thinking he might be on the verge of passing out when a cold towel on his neck provides him with almost instant relief. He spits one last time in the toilet bowl and flushes. He doesn’t dare to move yet. Kneeling at his side is Jared, looking worried.

“M’okay,” he feels the need to say. “Just… give me five, alright?”

“Of course, not going anywhere.”

At that moment, the dull throb in Jensen’s lower reappears progressively. It’s like the rhythmic pain is rising up very slowly; all the while his belly is contracting, hard. It’s not the first time this contracting thing happens: Jensen has experienced Braxton-Hicks contraction on an almost daily basis over the last couple of weeks, but none of them had come with this uneasy feeling in his back, or the impression he has right now that a band of pressure and fire is tightening in a circle around his belly. It doesn’t hurt, not exactly, but it’s at least very unpleasant.

Jensen lets a hand rest on his stomach when he can feel his uterus getting tighter and tighter. It seems to reach a peak before the muscles begin to relax again, the end of it coming with the disappearance of the pain in Jensen’s back.

“Huh,” he wonders, looking at Jared through his half-opened eyes.

“What’s going on?”

“I huh… I think I might be into labor.”

Jensen leaves the safe place near the toilet seat to lean back against the wall. He tries to analyze what he feels right now: there is no panic or anxiety, just curiosity, and maybe a little amazement. He wonders if it will last.

“Are you serious?” Jared asks, after a long second during which he looks like a fish out of water.

“I guess so, I think I just had a contraction. A real one.”

Jensen explains to Jared how he’d felt when he woke up. 

“Oh, fuck, Jen, that could be it. I never thought this whole natural induction sex thing would work.” Jared smiles mischievously before adding: “You know what this means, right?”

Jensen shakes his head. He might be a little nervous. The snort that rips through him sure is. “If your answer includes the words _magic_ and _cock_ , you can shut up already.”

Jared’s eyes widen, then he bursts out laughing, grabbing Jensen by the shoulders. “You’re going to have a baby, Jen, how awesome is that?”

Jensen smiles like crazy too, and it’s so wide his cheeks actually hurt. “I’m glad you’re here right now,” he feels the need to add.

“I’m glad too.”

And here they are, Jensen thinks, ready to jump the shark and see whatever happens between them afterward. 

Jensen has a good feeling about this.

\- - - - - -


	7. The time Jensen didn't give birth in a car

Jensen’s nervousness and excitement somehow take Jared by surprise. He had expected the irritable and moody Jensen of the past month, not the cheerful man speaking to his sister on the phone, his shaky voice a tad higher. Jensen is talking a lot more than usual too. He lets out nervous giggles from time to time, smiling at whatever his sister is telling him. This side of Jensen is brand new. Jared wonders if he reacts this way every time something important and stressful happens to him, because he’s got to admit, this Jensen he sees right now is adorable. Like, enough for Jared to stare and think _aww_ … as if he’s staring at a puppy tripping over his own feet.

According to Mackenzie, this could be the beginning of labor, but it could also be a false start. She tells Jensen to call the hospital’s birth center and talk to a nurse. He does it immediately, putting the woman on speaker so that Jared can listen to any pertinent information as well.

The nurse tells them to monitor the contractions and write them down. She advises Jensen to take a shower and to try to lie down on his left side. There is no hurry, if he’s certain his water hasn’t broken yet. When the contractions get into a regular pattern, they're occurring every eight to ten minutes for at least an hour, then it will be time to go to the hospital. If anything worries him in the meantime, Jensen can call back, or even come in early for a checkup.

They’re both trying to stay calm as they find a notebook and a pen, then check for Jensen and the baby’s bag. It’s soon clear that the contractions are following a regular pattern, occurring every fifteen minutes, more or less, their duration going from forty-five seconds to one minute. They’re not really painful, Jensen explains, just uncomfortable. 

After the shower, and the lying down, and a half hour of monitoring with both of them practically holding their breath between the contractions, Jared knows they need something to pass the time before they both go crazy. He proposes a game of cards to Jensen. The other man looks at him, eyebrows lifted.

“Cards?”

“Yeah, like… Go Fish, or Crazy Eights?”

“Hum… I don’t even think I have a deck, but there is a box in the basement with some board games I never had time to open.”

Jensen seems relieved at Jared’s proposition to play a game. He’s getting calmer now, the excitement of the first hour leaving him still nervous, but quieter. His nerves show in the way he talks and the few tics he has happening way more frequently, like licking his upper lip compulsively, or playing with his fingers on his thighs. 

Waiting for the contractions to happen can only worsen this nervousness, for Jared as well. He finds the box and opens it on the kitchen table. It’s full to the brim with different games, but it’s Scrabble that gets Jensen’s attention. “Love this game,” he says, holding the worn out box with something like affection in his eyes. “No one in my family wants to play with me anymore because I’m really good at it. Only Josh’s wife, Hannah. We would meet at least once a week to play together.”

“So try me,” Jared says immediately. He’s not that good at Scrabble, but he doesn’t want Jensen to fall into a melancholy state just as he’s about to give birth -what a time to miss his family. They settle at the kitchen table, Jensen’s back propped up by a pillow.

It quickly becomes clear that Jared has no chance whatsoever, even if the guy he’s playing against is in labor, for god’s sake. They do have a good time, though, and Jensen laughs a lot. It’s the most relaxed Jared has seen him since the beginning of his labor. 

“You know,” he says, waiting on Jared who's trying to see if he can place anything at all on the board. “Since the beginning, it’s been hard for me, picturing myself with a baby in my arms. But now I can see it. I can almost feel his weight and hear his cries.”

“You still talk about the baby as if you were sure it was a boy.”

“I don’t do it on purpose,” Jensen protests. “S’just… my intuition, for what it’s worth. I don’t mind either way. Oh, I think… yeah, another contraction.”

Jared looks at his watch. “It’s eight thirty-one… sixteen minutes since the last one.”

Jensen nods and writes it down. They don’t measure the duration anymore, since it doesn’t change. When it’s over, Jensen shakes his head with an expression that could be disbelief. 

“Great! It’s going slow,” he says, smiling. “And it’s normal. Usually, first pregnancy labors start slowly.”

“Well, yeah…” Jared’s not sure he understand. “ And it’s great because?”

“Because it’s me!” Jensen replies playfully. “I mean, something is going to happen, eventually, like… we’ll be stuck in a traffic jam, or Dr. Cortese will be unreachable, you know, bad luck. I’m just surprised that so far, everything is going as it’s supposed to. Regular contraction pattern and all.”

“What use I would be as a good luck charm if I couldn’t even help you have a normal labor?” Jared jokes.

“You’re so effective it’s almost scary sometimes. Are you gonna play or…”

“No. Can I change all my letters?”

“Yep, but you’ll have to skip your turn,” Jensen explains.

“As if it can change anything, you already have four hundred points over me.”

“I… no, wait…” Jensen looks at the score sheet. “That’s… four hundred and sixteen points over you, thank you very much.”

He grins wickedly.

“It’s not over,” Jared groans.

But it is. He gives up twenty minute later. Just in time for Jensen to feel sick again and run to the bathroom.

::: :::

After puking for the second time since their love-making, Jensen starts to feel weird. It’s like the pressure on his lower back has suddenly exploded and a diffuse burning sensation is spreading from there to his belly, everything constricting so hard that Jensen can’t breathe. He was just getting up from the bathroom floor, holding Jared’s hand, but there is no way he can unfold completely, so he remains in a crouching position, arms wrapped around his belly. He thinks Jared might actually be asking him something, but he can’t hear quite right over the groaning sound that, surprisingly, is coming from his own throat.

Something’s wrong.

Something has to be wrong. It’s like he’s having appendicitis all over again, only worse.

“Hurts,” he breathes out when the pain starts to recede. “Hospital. Jay.”

Suddenly, though, it starts getting better. Jensen doesn’t know which author said that there is nothing as exquisite as the absence of pain after suffering –Asimov, he seems to recall- but he gets it now. Nothing has ever been so true. He finds himself sitting on the bathroom floor, his back against the wall, not really remembering how he got there, but Jared is crouched in front of him, wiping his face with a cold towel, and it feels good.

“You okay?” He asked in a concerned voice.

“I’m okay now,” Jensen answers, rubbing his belly. “I… I think that was a contraction, but… Like, a hundred times more powerful than the last one. Does some labor happen like this? With the pattern shifting suddenly?”

“I… I think so, but I don’t recall everything I’ve read. You think we should take you to the hospital now?”

Now that Jensen can think clearly, he hesitates. Maybe they should wait to see if the next contraction is as painful as this one. Once he's at the hospital, he’ll be confined to a bed with nurses and doctors hovering over him, and he wants to stay home as long as possible. He feels good here, with Jared by his side, trusting him to take care of him whatever happens.

“Jen?”

“I don’t know. Let’s wait a little more. I should call Mackenzie. Maybe it only hurt that much because I was puking my guts out right before, I’m not sure…”

“You were in pain. A lot of pain,” Jared insists, looking unconvinced.

“Yes, but now I really feel better.”

Which is a stupid thing to say, considering it’s only normal to feel okay between contractions. Still, Jensen has made up his mind and Jared seems to go with the flow, and they head back to the kitchen where Jensen downs a large glass of water, not caring about his still upset stomach. 

He’s just put his glass down when he feels it again, the burning sensation at the small of his back. He tries to stay calm, but soon enough his belly begins to tense, and he’s filled with panic at the thought of being in so much pain once more. He tries to breathe, but only succeeds in getting a small amount of air into his lungs. He won’t be able to stay upright, so he leans his arms and chest on the counter and tries to stop his legs from shaking.

The contraction is getting stronger, and once again, Jensen finds himself trapped in his bubble of pain, moaning helplessly while Jared sits close and starts rubbing soothing circles on his back. It doesn’t do any good; every single place Jared is touching feels like it's on fire, and Jensen pushes him away, yelling at him to stop.

When the pain finally starts to subside, Jensen finds himself panting loudly, covered in sweat. He lets his head fall down on his folded arms, his heart beating hard and fast in his chest, wondering what the hell is happening to him.

“Jensen?”

Jared’s voice is low, the tone is careful. Jensen can’t believe he pushed him away. He murmurs an apology.

“No, it’s okay, don’t worry about it. Listen, there were only five minutes between this contraction and the last one. We should get you to the hospital, alright?”

“What’s happening?” Jensen asks, turning his head to look at Jared.

“I think your little lodger just figured out how eager he is to meet you.”

Jensen snorts. “That’s the cheesiest thing you ever said.”

“I know,” Jared smiles. “Still, let’s get moving, okay? I want you to have time to put on some shoes and your coat before the next contraction comes.”

“Great plan,” Jensen says.

::: :::

Jared is scared. Driving on the almost-deserted road, he thanks every deity he can think of that Jensen’s labor decided to pick up speed late at night and not during traffic hours. 

Jensen has had two other contractions so far, and he’s barely holding it together. There's still about ten minutes to go before they reach the hospital, and Jared is scared they won’t make it in time -even more so when Jensen tells him he feels something pushing “down there.”

Jared has read about quick labor, also called precipitated labor, and it seems to be exactly what is happening to Jensen right now. In some cases, the labor starts normally before abruptly picking up speed, and then everything happens real fast. Jared has read more than one comment about getting to the hospital just in time, or having to give birth in the car.

It’s very rare with first pregnancies. Trust Jensen to have a precipitated labor despite the statistics.

“Jay?” Jensen pants, looking at him with wide, scared eyes.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to give birth in the car.”

Great. Now Jensen’s a damn mind reader. Jared swallows loudly and tries to answers as calmly as possible. “You won’t. We’re almost there.”

“It burns down there,” Jensen moans, wiggling on his seat. Then he stops all of sudden. “Oh god, I’m leaking, Jared. I think I just broke my- oh. Holy shit, fuck, fuck, another one’s coming.”

“It’s okay, I’m here, I’m right here,” Jared says while Jensen folds in on himself, a low groan escaping his lips.

“No, it’s not okay!” Jensen pants. “Jared, fuck, it hurts!”

“I know, Jen. I know, I’m sorry.”

The groan is soon replaced by a scream, harsh and low, cut off by swearing. Jensen is so tense that he’s shaking all over. Jared presses harder on the accelerator. He’s going ten miles over the speed limit. He accelerates to twenty. 

After a minute or so –that could be an eternity for Jared, given how hard it is to see Jensen in such pain- Jensen starts to relax again. He’s breathing so fast and deep that Jared is scared he’s going to hyperventilate, which is the last thing they need right now.

“Slow down your breathing, Jen.”

“Trying, I can’t!” Jensen protests.

Jared uses the electronic control to lowers Jensen’s window. The icy wind seems to help. Jensen leans into it, shivering. “Lot of pressure, Jay,” he croaks. “We won’t make it. I’m gonna give birth in the fucking car!”

“I told you, I won’t let it happen. Don’t worry about it, try to rest between the contractions.”

“I should’ve known,” Jensen whispers. “I should have known better than to say how normal my labor was. I jinxed it.”

“No such thing, Jen. Calm down.”

“You calm down! I… your seat is all wet and I'm still leaking and the baby’s ready to come out and we’re in your fucking car. Half an hour ago, we were playing Scrabble, for god’s sake.”

“Maybe we bored the baby so badly, he decided he needed out?” Jared tries a tentative smile and is relieved to see one quirking Jensen’s lips up.

“That’s a lame joke.”

“I know, but it worked.”

“Promise.”

“What?”

“That I won’t have the baby in the car.”

Jared doesn’t even blink. “I promise.”

He hopes it sounds true. And curses himself once more for not having followed his first instinct and called an ambulance.

“Jesus, another one,” Jensen panics. “It can’t be five minutes already.”

No. Maybe two, and Jared is being generous at that. He drives through a very yellow light without giving it a second thought. Next to him, Jensen cries while holding on the dashboard with both hands, his knuckles white. It’s almost unbearable. Jared’s father had told him that the feeling of helplessness, seeing someone you love suffering, was the most difficult part of witnessing a labor and delivery. It’s only now that Jared truly gets it. 

He can’t do anything to relieve Jensen. The poor guy can’t stand his touch when he’s in pain, and even though Jared keeps on telling him to breathe, that he’s doing great, he doubts Jensen hears him over his own cries.

“…motherfucker… god, Jared, I can’t…” Jensen pants, tears welling in his eyes.

“Yes, you can. You’re doing it. Five more minutes and we’ll be at the hospital.”

“I want it to stop, it hurts too much,” Jensen moans. “I don’t care if I sound like a wuss, I can’t take it anymore.”

“I know, baby, I know, I’m so sorry.”

Jared only realizes afterward that he called Jensen “baby.” It just slipped out of his lips. Jensen doesn’t seem to mind, though –hell, Jared could have called him honey bunny and he wouldn’t have the slightest reaction.

By the time they reach the hospital, Jensen has had two more contractions: they're now coming one after the other with Jensen only able to take a couple of breaths in between. He says the pressure is getting unbearable “down there,” as well as the burning sensation. Jared knows that he can’t be too far from the expulsion phase by now.

Jared parks the car right in front of the hospital entrance and runs into the lobby to grab a wheelchair. That’s when he realizes his mistake. 

Jensen had explained to him that the quickest way to get to the labor and delivery ward was from the main entrance. There is an elevator at the end of the corridor on the right for the sole purpose of making it easy for expectant parents to get there as soon as possible. Which would be great under normal circumstances, but probably not when you may already be ready to push.

Jared should have chosen the emergency entrance. Jensen would have received immediate medical attention.

 _Too late_ , he thinks, running back to the car with the wheelchair in front of a security guard whom he thinks might say something to him. He’s the only person in the hospital’s main lobby at eleven-thirty at night.

“My friend’s in labor,” he yells behind him, not waiting for a response.

Jensen has already opened his door and put both feet on the ground, but he must have been stopped by another contraction because he’s curled in on himself, growling like a wounded animal.

“Come on, Jen, we’ll get you-“

“Shut up,” Jensen hisses between his teeth. “Just… wait…”

After a few seconds that might as well have been hours, Jensen lifts his head. “It’s like the baby’s pushing to get out, Jay,” he says in a thin voice. “I can’t stop it.”

“We’re almost there, Jensen. Let’s go, we’ll make it.”

Jared practically lifts his friend into the wheelchair. When they pass the sliding door, the security guards stop them. “Sir, you can’t leave your car-“

“Fuck, move it yourself,” Jared yells at him, “we need to get to the obstetric ward!”

He throws his keys at the young man who nods and lets them pass, calling someone with his walkie-talkie. 

“Turn right,” Jensen groans.

He's gripping the chair’s arm and seems to be holding his breath. Jared walks as fast as he can without outright running. “Where’s the damn elevator?”

“At the end of the corridor, you can’t- Fuck, Jay, fuck, it burns, I need…”

“Almost there!”

Jensen groans and shakes his head. “STOP!” 

Jared doesn’t listen to him. There, he finally sees the elevator with a huge sign over it reading: Delivery Ward. It’s like he’s found his Eldorado, the feeling of relief is so great. He runs the few steps that still separate them from it. Jensen curses loudly, telling him once again to stop the damn wheelchair, but Jared doesn’t listen. He only stops when he’s in front of the elevator, pushing the button.

“The baby needs out, now!” Jensen says in a strained voice.

His face is beet red, his knuckles white on the chair’s arms. He’s pushing, Jared realizes just as the elevator doors open.

“Jensen, stop it, we’re almost there.”

“I…” Jensen grunts and bears down. “I … fucking can’t…”

“Alright, okay, here, let me…”

Jared lifts him up and drags him inside the elevator. He presses the button without letting him go, but then Jensen is screaming: “Put me down!” and Jared slides onto the floor with him.

“Fuck. Fuck, Jay, take my fucking shoes off… And my… god, here it comes again… my pants, I need…”

Jensen’s back is leaning against the elevator’s wall, his legs are bent, and Jared knows that the baby is coming, quickly. He manages to take off Jensen's shoes and lowers down the soiled pants and underwear. Jensen is bearing down, pushing so hard all his muscles shake under the strain. 

The elevator’s door open, but Jared knows he can’t take Jensen anywhere; he can see between the other man’s legs, where his hole is stretched obscenely around something that can only be the top of the baby’s head.

“Need some help here!” Jared screams.

There is no need for more cries. Two nurses are already there. The one dressed in a light blue uniform immediately steps inside the elevator and locks it in position with the emergency button. The other, wearing pink scrubs, is kneeling between Jensen’s legs, gloves on her hands. “It’s okay, sir, the security guard warned us,” she says.

She then smiles at Jensen. “So, we’re in a bit of a hurry, right?”

“Gotta push,” Jensen warns desperately.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, you can push. It’s too late to take you to a room, so we’ll do it here.”

Blue Nurse takes Jared’s arm. “I’m sorry, sir, but can you give us some space?”

Jared nods, pushing himself up.

“He’s not going anywhere!” Jensen yells, propping himself up with his hands. “He stays with me, do you understand?”

Pink Nurse, the one who’s on the floor with him, nods and tells him in a soothing voice, “Don’t worry, your husband can stay right here.”

She exchanges a look with Blue Nurse, then addresses Jared, “Come here, sir, sit behind him with your legs spread on each side of his body, he’ll be able to use you for support.”

“I need fucking support _right now,_ ” Jensen growls between two pushes, while Pink Nurse helps Jared settle down. He grabs Jensen by the armpits and props his upper body up so that his back rests against Jared’s chest.

Jensen grabs his hand and presses it, hard. “You don’t go anywhere, right?” he murmurs, his eyes filled with unshed tears, his mouth quirked in a grimace of pain.

“No, you’re stuck with me, baby,” Jared tells him, then kisses his forehead. Can’t help it. He needs to show Jensen how important he is for him, he needs him to know Jared would do anything for him.

He’ll maybe regret it later, but he doesn’t care.

“Need to push again,” Jensen whines.

“Okay, alright,” the nurse says. “We’ll try something. Your husband’s going to help you lift your legs, you’ll grab them behind the thighs and hold them like that against your body. It will give you more power when you push.”

Jensen nods, shaking, while Jared does exactly what Pink Nurse told them, holding Jensen’s thighs until he’s sure he has a good grip on them.

Jensen doesn’t wait any longer, he bears down and pushes under the nurse’s encouragement. His body is hot and shaking against Jared’s, who can’t help but press his hands over Jensen’s, helping him hold the position. Since they've been stuck in the elevator, Jensen doesn’t seem to mind Jared’s touch, even seeking it out.

“The head is almost out, sir, you’re doing a great job,” Pink Nurse tells him when Jensen releases a shuddering breath.

“Jensen,” he pants, voice harsh. “You can call me Jensen.”

“Okay, then, as long as you call me Amy.”

“Deal,” Jensen murmurs. 

He turns his head to look at Jared. “Everything is going to be alright, right?”

“Of course. Didn't I tell you that you wouldn’t have the baby in the car?”

Jensen snorts, then winces. “Thanks for being here with… Okay, fuck, it’s starting already.”

He solidifies his grip under his thighs and bears down. Another nurse, more traditional in her plain white clothing, has joined the first two. While Amy stays with Jared and Jensen on the floor, Pink and White Nurses seem to be getting things ready on a medical cart. There is also a stretcher waiting nearby, and an incubator. None of the nurses look panicked or even nervous. It soothes Jared’s worries. Jensen is in good hands.

“Okay, Jensen, stop, stop for a little while, it’s going too fast,” Amy tells him, her hands disappearing once again between Jensen’s legs.

“Can’t, sorry, can’t-“ Jensen groans, then he opens his mouth on a long, low scream, tears sliding down his cheeks, his body shaking so hard it looks like he's having a seizure.

Blue Nurse joins Amy and hands her some instruments, while White Nurse prepares a clean towel. It’s coming now, Jared realizes as he holds a screaming Jensen against him; by the way the nurses behave, it’s really happening. He can’t resist peeking beside Jensen, just in time to see Amy tugging softly on what must be two tiny elbows.

“Jensen stop, stop now,” she says, loud enough to get through to him.

Jensen does listen this time, but he keeps on shaking, bursting into harsh, wet sobs. “It burns, get him out, please, please…”

He can’t hold onto his thighs anymore. His legs fall to either side, revealing blood-tainted skin. His belly looks strangely deflated, and something is wiggling out of him.

Jared can’t speak, completely blown apart by what he’s witnessing. He hugs Jensen closer and kisses his sweat-drenched hair. 

“Help me, Jensen,” Amy says. “Come on, give me your hands, grab your baby.”

“You do it, fuck, it hurts!” Jensen spits.

Amy stays calm and in control. “I know you can do it, come on.”

“Yeah, Jen, baby,” Jared adds. “You’re doing so great, I’m so proud of you.”

Jensen’s panicked eyes cross with Jared’s, and something like trust and confidence passes through them. He stretches his arms, trying to sit up straighter. Jared helps him, propping himself against his own body. 

Amy takes Jensen’s hands and wraps them around the baby’s waist. His face changes completely the moment he touches his baby. “Oh my god, I have him,” he hiccups between sobs. 

“Yes, you do,” Amy smiles at him. “You just need to push a little and pull him out, come on.”

It happens in mere seconds. Jensen braces himself and pushes, but stops almost immediately. A wet, squelching noise comes from between his legs, and he pants harshly while lifting his baby, covered in blood and mucus. The face is all scrunched up, almost purple; the arms and legs look like they’re made out of rubber. He’s so tiny that Jared can’t believe he's normal -that newborns can really be that small and healthy.

“He’s here,” he whispers, not surprised to feel tears filling his eyes.

“Come on,” Amy coaxes, still helping Jensen hold the baby. “Lay him on your stomach so he won’t be cold.”

She props herself on her knees while Jensen secures his hold on the baby, laying him on his belly, the still scrunched-up face resting in the crook of his neck. Amy rubs the baby’s skin almost harshly with a towel while Blue Nurse gets closer, walking on her knees, and uses an aspiration bulb to clear the baby’s airways. After what seems like an eternity, the small body tenses suddenly, the mouth opens wide, quirked into a grimace, and tiny but vigorous cries escape the baby’s throat.

“Oh, my god, I can’t believe it,” Jensen murmurs, sliding his index finger down the tiny bump of the baby’s nose. “He’s here, Jay, he’s here, I have him in my arms.”

“You did so good, Jensen,” Jared says in the same soothing voice. “Look, you grew a perfect, tiny human being all by yourself.”

“Wanna cut the cord, Dad?” Blue Nurse asks, handing Jared a pair of surgical scissors.

“I… I’m not…”

“Who cares?” Jensen protests. “I want you to do it, Jay. Come on.”

Jared grabs the scissors with a shaking hand and follows the nurse’s instructions, cutting through the thick blue and red umbilical cord, amazed at its strength, at the fact that he’s the one severing the last link joining Jensen and his child.

He’s so screwed. He already cares so much for Jensen, and now for the baby who’s just been born, but with whom Jared has already fall in love with. How can he not? This baby’s been a part of Jensen from the moment they met. It still is.

“Is it… Is it really a boy?” Jensen asks.

“You don’t know?” Amy says, surprised. “You kept calling him well… “him” so I figured… I didn’t even pay attention.”

She lifts the thick towel covering the baby’s body and peeks between the tiny, jerking legs. He’s not happy about it. The tiny cries still shaking his chest double in intensity. Jensen laughs softly and caresses his bald, round head.

“Well,” Amy finally says,“ If your intuition said it would be a boy, honey, I suggest you don’t make an habit of trusting your sixth sense ‘cause you’re holding a baby girl right now.”

“A girl?” Jensen’s eyes widen in surprise. “Are you sure?”

“I’m pretty sure,” Amy smiles.

Blue Nurse burst out laughing. “Yeah it’s not that hard to tell.”

“A girl, gosh, I… That’s great…” Jensen says with excitement.

He turns his head toward Jared. “I have a little girl.”

“You do,” Jared smiles so hard it hurts. “Hello, princess,” he adds, touching the baby for the first time, his large hand stretched covering from the baby’s neck to his butt.

Feeling the small tremors shaking the newborn’s body is so intense it catches him by surprise. He swallows hard and tries not to burst into tears like a giant girl.

 

“Okay, Jensen,” Amy tells him. “Now for the less pleasant part. We’re going to get you and your baby into one of our delivery rooms before you expel the placenta. We’ll all be more comfortable, and when your doctor arrives, it will be easier to examine you.”

“Hey, I didn’t plan to deliver the baby in a freaking elevator,” Jensen jokes, never turning his eyes away from the baby. “And it’s not exactly the most comfy place.”

“Okay, here we go.”

::: :::

The next couple of hours pass like a blur. Jensen is sore and exhausted, but the endorphins are kicking in, bringing with them a euphoric sensation and numbing the pain. He’s first taken to an, sterile-looking delivery room where he expulses the placenta, barely feeling it, while one of the nurses examines his daughter and cleans her up. 

Jared stays close to him the whole time. He seems in shock, but a good kind of shock, like he couldn’t stop smiling even if he wanted to, speaking nonsense about how awesome Jensen is and how impressed he is; that he couldn’t have done what Jensen just did, and that, “… man, I love you. I know I’m not supposed to talk about my feelings for you, but damn it, Jensen. Wow… just… wow.”

Jensen knows he’s blushing furiously and tries to calm down. The three precious words are on the tip of his tongue too, but he doesn’t trust himself to say them, not yet. The last couple of hours have been an emotional roller-coaster and he wants to take the time to come down from it all before he says anything.

 

Dr. Cortese arrives just as Amy gives Jensen his daughter back, all wrapped up and snuggled in a thick cotton blanket, a yellow hat lowered on her forehead. She isn't crying anymore, but she's not sleeping either. She grimaces and blinks like she wants to open her eyes, but can’t find it in her to do so. 

Jensen is shaking from exhaustion and has trouble holding her steadily. Silently, Jared gets his chair closer and wraps an arm over her so that Jensen doesn’t have to work so hard. 

_I’m holding my daughter,_ Jensen thinks in awe, still not sure he truly realizes it. This baby, this whole, small human being, comes from him. He made her, carried her, and now she’s here, and it’s an heavy weight that suddenly drops on his shoulders, but in the same time it feels good, like Jensen is more grounded with life, with the universe itself.

Dr. Cortese is in a good mood. She jokes with Jared and the nurses, congratulates Jensen by kissing him on the cheek, like they are old friends. Her energy is nice, but Jensen has trouble keep keeping up with it. He wants a bed, clean sheets, and to stop being exposed to the crude bright light, his legs still in the stirrups.

Luckily, the exam doesn’t last long. Jensen’s anus didn't tear, which was one of concerns when he was pushing. Quick deliveries often come with these kind of consequences, but Jensen was lucky.

Dr. Cortese finally pulls Jensen’s legs out of the stirrups and covers him with a blanket. It’s the little things, Jensen thinks, marveling at how much more comfortable he is now.

“So, you’ve been telling me to be ready for everything when you went into labor, Jensen, and you didn't lie,” his doctor tells him with a soft smile.

“So, it has a name? Quick delivery?” Jensen asks, curious. It’s an euphemism, if you ask him. It should be called false-easy-beginning-then-everything-goes-to-hell delivery. 

“The medical term is precipitate labor and delivery. And by what the nurses have told me, you’re lucky you didn’t give birth in your car.”

“I promised him,” Jared cuts her off, winking at Jensen.

Dr. Cortese smiles at him and pats him on the shoulder. She practically has to rise on her toes to do it. “So, from what I can see, you were the perfect labor partner.”

Jared shakes his head to dismiss her praise. Jensen feels a turmoil of emotions swelling in his chest. It’s not a bad sensation, but it’s so intense it’s almost scary. Jared has been more than his labor partner, so much more. “Yes, he was,” he whispers in a raw voice. 

“Sorry, need to borrow this cutie to do her Apgar,” she says, carefully taking the baby into her arms.

Although Jensen twists his head as far as it will go, he can’t see what’s happening. He gets a glass of water and a painkiller from Amy. He doesn’t have to worry about the drug passing through the paternal milk and affecting the baby: like forty percent of male carriers, he didn't develop milk ducts during his pregnancy. 

The effects of the codeine start almost immediately and yeah, Jensen was probably more sore than he thought. He feels himself drift off, not really toward sleep but a state in between, with Jared’s presence in his thick, numb cocoon reassuring and warm. He stretches a slightly shaking hand out and tries to grab Jared's. Jared seems engrossed by what Dr. Cortese is doing to the baby, but then he feels Jensen’s fingers, bends toward him and smiles, holding his hand.

“You’re not oversensitive to codeine, right?” 

“Nope. Just feel good.”

“Yeah, it’s one hell of a high, right? Having a baby literally coming out of you, it’s surreal,” Jared shakes his head in disbelief. 

“It hurt like hell.”

“I know,” Jared murmurs, his gorgeous fox-like eyes getting darker. “I’m sorry you had to suffer so much.”

His large, strong hand is caressing Jensen’s cheek, then he runs his fingers through his hair. Jensen practically purrs at how good it feels. He closes his eyes and sighs in contentment.

“You’re gorgeous,” Jared whispers.

Jensen snorts. “Touchy-feely much?”

“Yeah, Mr. I’m-a-cuddler.” 

“I am.” Jensen’s eyes are still closed. He’s really drifting off this time. “Like being touched. Especially by you.”

Sleep is so damn tempting, opening both of its long, sinuous arms while Jared keeps caressing his hair, and it can’t get much better than this after the incredible pain of the contractions and the overwhelming fear of something going wrong, as he was delivering on the dirty floor of an elevator. Yes, now, now is a moment close to perfection and-

“There she is, guys.”

Dr. Cortese’s energetic voice drags Jensen back to reality so fast his heartbeat picks up. He forgets to be annoyed when he sees his daughter. _She’s mine_ , Jensen wonders once again. 

He’s not sleepy anymore.

“Her Apgar is perfect,” Dr. Cortese adds, smiling down at the baby. “Everything looks good so far. She’s a healthy baby, Jensen. Weighs seven pounds two ounces, and she’s fifty-one centimeters long. You ready to hold her?”

Jensen tries to settle himself on the gurney, but this time his body just won’t cooperate. The exhaustion and the codeine are pinning him to the thin mattress; he’s heavy and clumsy: even his fingers are shaking.

“Why don’t you take her for a while?” he offers Jared who’s whose eyes go wide. He doesn’t hesitate for long, though, stretching his arms at out to Dr. Cortese, who helps him get into the right position to hold a newborn.

One second later, Jared is beaming, almost literally; Jensen could swear he sees light coming from Jared's awe-struck face.

“Am I doing it right?” he asks in an uncertain voice.

“Yes, you do. As long as you hold her head,” Dr. Cortese tells him.

Jared sits as close to Jensen as he can, and his daughter is close enough so that he can kiss her head. He marvel once more at the reality of it all, at the intensity of his feelings for the small bundled tucked in Jared’s arms. It’s like his whole life didn’t have any meaning before, like he’s just starting to see how much more there can be to it. He brought her into the world, he’s the one responsible for her existence, and he makes the silent promise to do everything he can for her, to be there for every step, to make sure she finds happiness.

“So, Jensen,” Dr. Cortese asks him, dragging him back to the present. “What are you gonna call her?”

“Yeah, you said it would come to you,” Jared adds, elbowing him very softly.

“I said I hoped it would,” Jensen corrects. “Let me have a better look at her, Jay. Can we pull her hat off for a little while?” He asks Dr. Cortese who nods and steps a couple of feet back, like she understand he needs privacy.

“Do it, Jay.”

Jared pulls the baby’s hat off oh so slowly, his tongue showing between his teeth –it’s funny as hell how cautious he is.

Jensen’s daughter isn’t bald; she has a fine layer of hair covering her head that is very thin and blond. It fits with her delicate features and heart-shaped face. She’s still puffy from the birth, and for now, it’s impossible to tell if she’s taking after him or not –maybe she’ll be a copy of her other biological father, Gregory, or will take after Jensen’s mom. It’s fascinating, the canvas that is a newborn, ready to develop into a unique, complete individual.

Jensen’s mind is wandering as he thinks about his family: Josh’s three boys that look so alike they could be triplets; Mackenzie, who’s so different of them all she could be adopted –a running joke amongst them. 

…And then it comes to him, naturally, like he’d always known. Maybe he did, subconsciously. 

Taking another long second to observe his little girl, he smiles, realizing that it’s her name now. He can’t imagine her being called otherwise.

“So, I was thinking, he says in a trembling voice, addressing his daughter. “Maybe you’d like to be called Rose. Huh? What do you say, princess? Rose Ackles. Sounds good to me.”

It does. Jared frowns for a second, like he’s overthinking it, then his face lightens. “I love it, Jensen. She’s a little Rose –of course she is.”

“No Rosie, though, I don’t like it.”

“Got it. Rose. It huh… came to you just like this, out of nowhere?”

“No. Remember my grandmother who used to tell me about the day I was born?”

“Yes.”

“Granny Rose, she was my father’s mother. She didn’t just me this story, she told me dozens of them. Each time I visited, there would be a new one. I guess she’s the one who made a writer out of me. She died five years ago, a peaceful death –and she had a good life. I still miss her, though.”

It’s unexpected, all those feelings he had for his grandmother coming back to the surface. Of course he misses her –he’d always been his favorite and she didn’t even try to deny it. She not only had stories for him, but candies and books and those baseball cards he use to collect like every boy in his town. He remember the day he left for college. He went to visit her one last time, they drank a cup of tea together –Earl Grey, the only one she would drink- and Jensen had ask asked her if she still had the story book she used when he was little. She had blushed. “Oh, Jensen, there was no story book. Those tales, I made them up as I told them. You enjoyed it so much.”

She had been a wonderful, talented story teller. She was so proud the day Jensen’s first Vivian Thirteen book was officially accepted by a publisher. 

And now there is another Rose Ackles into Jensen’s life, someone who will be, he’s convinced, at least as special as his granny was.

And Jensen’s crying. Again. He doesn’t have the strength to stop it. He lets Jared soothe him with murmured nonsense, lets him kiss his forehead. Rose is tucked between them. Like they’re a family. They’re not quite there, yet, but Jensen lets himself hope. 

\- - -  
 _A/N: Someone asked me about that part during Jensen's delivery where the nurse tells him to help the baby getting out by holding him. It something a lot of obstetricians have been practicing here in Quebec province, for the past ten-fifteen years. It's a mean to make the mother take a bigger part in a heavily-supervised delivery, and give her back some of her control. Trully -and as well as a birthing mother who's done it, as much as the nurse I am, it's more symbolic than anything else since when there is only the baby's legs to get out, he's practically born anyway, but it does feel good, reaching and grabbing your child to take him agqainst you for the first time._


	8. Chickenpox

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There has been a mistake and I'm so sorry. Chapter 7 had remain as a draft ever since I posted. Someone just made me realize this, so it's now on, if you haven't read the chapter inttitled: The time Jensen didn't give birth in a car, go back, and I'm so, so sorry, guys.

 

As a general rule, every newborn has to be taken to the neo-natal unit’s nursery and remain under observation for four hours following birth. Meanwhile, Jensen is finally taken to his room. He’s tired to the bone -even just helping the orderlies get him from the gurney to his bed is almost too much. And if he thought he could rest then, he quickly understands it’s not in his immediate future. Two new nurses are there to greet him, armed with a medical cart and a whole list of tasks that need to be done. Knowing he’s going to being exposed all over again, Jensen sends Jared to get his and the baby’s bag from the car, and to call Mackenzie to give her the latest news.

Getting cleaned up does some good, although Jensen feels helpless and a little humiliated. The nurses are nice, though, and they try to be as respectful as they can, draping him as they work. After they take some blood samples and give pills to him –some anti-inflammatory stuff every new parent receives- he’s asked to pee in a freaking urinal. As a rule, male carriers are forbidden to get up the first six hours following the delivery, since they’re more prone to sudden blood pressure drop. It's crucial for carriers to pee post-labor, in order to be sure there is no elimination problem because of the swelling in the genital area, but even though Jensen has a sheet covering him, it doesn’t help the feeling he is expected to perform a new trick like some circus animal. He can practically feel the nurses' expectation from behind the curtain.

That’s it. He won’t be able to pee. Not when there is so much pressure put upon him. Then, Jensen thinks about the alternative –a freaking Foley shoved into his urethra -and it’s enough to make his bladder to cooperate.

The nurses literally congratulate Jensen when he says he’s done, and that’s it -he’s had enough. He’s in need of some well-deserved alone time. He asks for another round of painkillers and for something to eat. And finally, finally, the nurses leave. 

Jensen is comfortable and cozy, covered from his toes to his upper chest with two thick cotton blankets, feeling the soft numbness of the codeine enveloping him. He’s been allowed an orange-flavored jello, crackers and a glass of milk. It’s the best thing he’s ever eaten. He wonders why he was starving, since it’s barely two in the morning and his last meal wasn't… Oh, right. He didn’t have lunch because he was sleeping after the amazing sex with Jared, and dinner was out of the question after he started throwing up. He has good reason to feel drunk on the jello’s sugary taste, and tries not to eat too quickly to make it last.

That’s how Jared finds him, as he enters the room in a rush and drops the bags near Jensen’s bed. He’s babbling about how he had trouble finding the security guard, then his car, and that Mackenzie wouldn’t let him off the phone until he had told her at least three times how Jensen’s labor went.

Jared kisses Jensen on the cheek. “That’s from her. She says not to worry, just to rest, and that she’ll call your parents and Josh. And she says Rose is a fucking fantastic idea for her name –her words, not mine.”

Jensen nods and let the last spoonful of jello melt on his tongue. “Thanks.”

“You okay?”

“I want another jello. Get me another jello.”

“Ooo-kaay,” Jared frowns at his peremptory tone. “I’ll be right back.”

Jensen figures he’s entitled to behave like a spoiled brat since he’s just given birth.

The other jello is strawberry flavor, there's no more orange ones, Jared apologizes. Jensen mourns a little, then discover that strawberry flavor is as awesome as orange when you’re starving. When he’s done, Jared is still frowning at him. “What? I was hungry.” 

“You, huh…”Jared laughs nervously. “You made the same noise you were making when we had sex.”

“Shut up,” Jensen blushes to the tip of his ears.

“Still, it’s true.”

There is a comfortable leather recliner in the room, as there is in each room to accommodate husbands and partners for the night. Jared has spotted it. He lets himself fall more than sit, and sighs in contentment.

As much as Jensen wants him to stay, he knows Jared deserves more than a few hours of trying to sleep in a chair.

“You should go home. Rest. It’s still two hours to go before they bring Rose back, and I’m going to sleep so…”

“No way, man, I’m too tired to drive,” Jared lies through his teeth, and they both know it. “Besides, this chair is so freaking comfortable that someone will have to pry me out of it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Jared answers more seriously, looking at him straight in the eyes. “You sleep, though, I’ll keep watch.”

Jensen nods, even though he knows he can’t sleep, not yet anyway. There are some things he has to tell Jared first.

“Hey, Jay?”

“What?”

“You were a fantastic labor partner. Considering everything that happened, you did great, and I’m lucky you were there for me.” 

There, tears are threatening to fall down again. What’s with his overflow of emotion -seriously, won’t it ever stop?

“I’m the lucky one,” Jared says softly, and his voice shakes a little. “You let me in, Jen. Seeing your daughter being born was a privilege. So, thank _you._ ”

Jensen snorts. “We are so gay.”

“Yeah, deal with it. Now, you sleep.”

Jensen does.

::: :::

A feeble cry makes him open his eyes. Jensen grunts and moves his hips cautiously, trying to relieve the dull ache in his nether regions. He was dreaming, and now…

Yes, the baby. His daughter. That’s her crying. He’s a father now. The realization is still breath-taking.

Jensen sees Jared standing a foot away from the bed, holding the newborn close to his chest. Affection and love spread inside of him, a vibrant, warming sensation, addressed to his daughter as well as to the man holding her.

“Ah, sorry, we woke you up,” Jared smiles shyly at him. 

“You look good with a baby in your arms,” Jensen answers.

His voice is low and raw, probably from all the screaming. He grabs the plastic glass on his bedside table and drinks it in one large gulp.

“Want me to give her to you?” Jared asks, then rolls his eyes. “Of course, you do.”

He doesn’t wait for an answer, so Jensen settles a pillow under his arm before Jared carefully gives the baby to him. He wonders at the fact that her face is already less red and swollen than a few hours ago. 

Rose makes a bubbling sound and blinks again, this time showing slits of dark blue eyes.

“Hey there,” Jensen whispers. “Miss me, princess?”

“They brought her half an hour ago,” Jared explains, “and you were sleeping so soundly, I thought I could give you a little break.”

“It’s totally okay, Jay,” Jensen assures him when he sees the hesitation in his friend’s eyes. 

“Good,” Jared sighs, dropping in the armchair. “The nurse from the neo-natal unit said she drank three quarters of an ounce, which is good, apparently. And also, she pooped. It sounded important, because you have to write it down this small pamphlet every time she does, and you have to describe the color and texture.”

Jared wrinkles his nose.

“Guess I’ll be talking about poop way more often now,” Jensen smiles. “Comes with the package.”

“Oh, and your mother called. She didn’t want me to wake you up, and she says congratulations. She’ll call the airport this morning to find a flight.”

“Of course she will.”

Jensen hugs Rose closer to his chest. She makes this tiny hiccupping sigh that’s all sorts of adorable. While he’s busy smiling at her, an idea suddenly crosses his mind. “You know what?” he asks Jared, who’s bent over the both of them, apparently as fascinated by Rose as he is.

“What?”

“I was thinking of maybe giving her my other grandmother’s name, Eleanor, as well. It would only be fair. Plus, it’s a nice name.”

“Yes. Rose Eleanor Ackles. Sounds perfect, just like her.”

“Right?” Jensen smiles at Jared, who returns the smile, and right then, the temptation is too great. Their faces are inches away from each other, and Jensen wants this. So much. He stretches his neck and kisses Jared’s pink lips, taking his time to just feel. The position isn’t exactly comfortable and he has to let go sooner than he wishes.

Jared’s whole face is a violent red. “I… okay…. Wow, I…”

“What?” Jensen tries to take a playful tone, but insecurity is kind of ruining his moment. “During the labor, you kept kissing me, and calling me baby, and… and you know, caressing my hair and-“

“I couldn’t help it,” Jared replies too quickly. “I wanted you to know I was… with you. I couldn’t just watch you suffer and not-“

“Hey, whoa, I just kissed you on the mouth, why are _you_ apologizing?”

Jared stops mid-sentence, his mouth opened wide. “…Right,” he mumbles. “You did,” he adds, smiling. “Why did you kiss me, Jensen?”

And that’s unfair. Jensen pretends to be absorbed in arranging Rose’s knit cap on her head for a whole minute before the silence becomes too much. “’Cause I wanted to. And huh, I liked it… everything you said to me, every small touch from you. I was… fuck, Jay, the pain was pretty intense, and I felt like I was lost and you were the one who kept me from being torn apart.”

Jared nods, then sits silently on the side of the bed, fitting right in even though they’re pressed against each other. That’s how Jensen likes it. In his arms, Rose sighs and pouts before relaxing completely. 

“Well,” Jared whispers, wrapping an arm around Jensen’s shoulder. “That was well said. I guess that’s why you’re the writer and I’m the plumber.”

“Speaking of saying stuff,” Jensen begins, not really knowing where he plans to go with it. “You huh… when we had sex, you said something to me and huh… I know nothing guys say during sex really counts because it’s their dick talking, but still, I…”

“What did I say?” Jared asks, sounding genuinely curious.

“You huh…” Jensen has a hard time getting the words out. What if it really had been just Jared’s dick talking, after all? Jensen just had a baby. In an elevator. His judgment is anything but objective right now. Still, he doesn’t have the choice since he’s the one who brought it up in the first place. “You’re everything,” he murmurs, rearranging Rose’s blanket uselessly. 

“I’m what?”

 _Hell._ “Not you, me! You said that I was everything. You looked at me and said “You’re everything.” And it probably doesn’t mean anything since we were both seconds away from coming, but it… no one ever said something like that to me.”

“I meant it.”

“It should’ve scared me, ya know?” Jensen tries for a smile, but he feels too fragile to really sell it. “It didn’t. After everything that’s happened tonight, I don’t see why we should wait. I mean, clearly we both behaved like a couple, right?”

Jared’s smile is tinted with surprise and stupefaction. “Yes. We did,” he says in an uncertain voice.

“I got… caught in this whole way of thinking about my future when I was pregnant. I thought, you know, that it should be my first concern, and my only concern: the pregnancy, then the baby. I didn’t want to leave space for anything else, let it be writing, or dealing with the whole Coffeyville population, or meeting someone that I would like. And it was stupid, Jay.”

It was. Jensen realizes that just now. It’s not exactly a revelation, because he’s not stupid: he just has a way of avoiding thinking about what he’s not ready to face. 

“Look at her,” he adds, lifting his right arm a little. A bubble of saliva escapes Rose’s delicate lips. Jared laughs. 

“Yeah, right, she’s won you over alright,” Jensen laughs too.

“She wasn’t even born and she already had me wrapped around her finger, because she’s yours.”

“Aww, come on!”

“Hey, you’re not the only one who can be a sap. I went through a fucking avalanche of emotions tonight.”

“Avalanche?” Jensen snorts. “Anyway, what I meant to say was that everything is so simple now that she’s here. I don’t see why I should wait for something I want so much, because in the end being with you can only enriches Rose’s life.”

Jared frowns.

“So what you’re saying is…?”

“Don’t make me spell it to you.”

“Well, maybe I need it spelled out.”

Jared’s tone is playful, but there is an authentic flash of insecurity in his eye. Jensen looks at him intently and shivers. So many things have happened in the last few hours, it’s hard to reconcile what he feels now with what he thought he felt before Rose was born. 

“I love you,” he says, loud and clear. “I don’t want to wait. I don’t want to think six months ahead about the normal steps a relationship should go through. I just… It works, you and me. I don’t need more proof.”  
And wow, isn’t it a huge relief to let it out, like Jensen’s been holding onto it for way too long. 

Jared is beaming like a freaking hundred watt bulb. He bends on over Jensen, who braces himself, not sure of what’s going to happen next. He’s surprised to feel Rose being pulled away from him softly, and his first instinct is to resist.

“Only five minute,” Jared whispers, “let me put her in her crib.” 

Jensen complies. What comes next is Jared’s warm gaze on him, his hands on each side of his face, and the attention is almost too much, too intense, like Jensen is going to lose himself forever in this embrace, and even more scary, like it’s the right thing to do.

They kiss. It’s different from any other kiss they've shared before; it’s passionate, but sweet, delicate, and yes, full of something that could very well be love, something huge that Jensen hasn’t felt from someone before -love for him. He gives back as much as he can because he wants, and hopes Jared can feel it too, coming from him.

When they break apart, they’re breathless. Jared laughs nervously and wipes the saliva at the corner of Jensen’s mouth.

“What a night,” he sighs.

“You know what? Making a declaration of love after giving birth might have been a little too much.”

Jensen yawns helplessly. He won’t be able to stay awake for much longer, and Jared seems to be aware of it because he arranges himself in a way that allows Jensen’s head to rest on his shoulder while he keeps caressing his hair. It feels good, even better than the codeine shot. Jensen barely has time to ask in a slurry voice for Jared to wake him up when Rose is ready for her next feeding. Then he lets sleep take him without fighting.

::: :::

The news arrives the day following Rose’s birth, a little bit after eleven in the morning, just when a nurse has finished teaching Jensen how to change a diaper and care for the nub of the belly button. Jared has gone home to catch a few hours of sleep.

Jensen is in the process of wrapping Rose tightly in a yellow blanket when his cell phone rings. The nurse, young and pretty, looking like she adores her job, takes Rose in her arms and silently gestures that he can answer, cooing at the baby.

It’s Mackenzie, and she sounds strange, even though she takes her time asking about the baby and marveling at the name Jensen picked.

“Hey, what’s going on Mack?” Jensen cuts her off, sitting on the edge of his bed. He has been given the permission to circulate freely in his room earlier, and surprised at first to realize he isn’t as sore as he thought he would be. He had a codeine shot, just to be more comfortable. He’s far from ready to run the Boston Marathon, but he feels good, considering.

“Well, I don’t think mom should travel right now.”

“Is she okay?”

“Yes, yes, she is,” Mack says in a soothing voice. “It’s just that she’s been baby-sitting Josh’s kids last week, and it turned out Jamie -has chickenpox. Mom isn’t sure if she’s had it or not before, and she has a bad fever and flu-like symptoms since yesterday, so we're waiting to see if it really is chickenpox or not.”

“She can catch chicken pox? At her age?”

Mackenzie snorts. “Exactly what she told me, looking outraged, but yes, if she never had it before. And people of Mom's age have to be very careful when they catch it; the older you are, the more serious the disease can be. I don’t want you to worry, though –even if it is chickenpox, I’ll take good care of her, but she won’t be in any shape to help you, and she could transmit it to Rose. This is my principal concern.”

“Of course.” Jensen stays silent for a few seconds. He understands –of course, he does. He doesn’t want his mother helping him if she’s sick –egoistically, he doesn’t want anyone with the slightest symptom of illness to come within a three meters distance of Rose. Of course, he also wants Donna to take care of herself.

Which means he’ll go home alone, with a newborn, and figure out how to care for her by himself, with no experienced mom by his side to answer his thousands of questions and reassure him.

Jensen had anticipated his mother’s arrival with a mixture of relief and apprehension. As much as he had decided early on that he wanted to do this alone, the reassurance that his mom would be there to show him the way had been like a soothing balm on his worries. 

He should’ve known.

“She’s mad at me,” Mack goes on. “Shoot the messenger, right? Anyway, she was crying, Jen. It broke my heart.”

“Just tell her not to worry, I can manage,” Jensen says with as much enthusiasm as he can gather. 

“I would come, but I’m on call for the hospital during the holiday’s period. Sucks being the youngest doctor around here. Besides, I’m not sure I would be of any help.”

“I’m fine, Mack.”

“I could ask Hannah, though, you guys get along well and-“

“…and she has three kids under six. One of which has chickenpox. Don’t be ridiculous, the poor girl has enough as it is on her shoulders.”

Hannah is Josh’s wife, Jensen would love to have her. They’ve always got along well. Still, realistically, Jensen can’t ask that of her. “Listen,” he adds, smiling at Rose who’s yawning in the nurse’s arms. “I’m not alone here. I have friends, and I won’t be the first person to raise his kid alone.”

There is a sight sigh at the other end of the line. “Maybe you could fly here?” 

Jensen burst out laughing then. “Hey, stop saying nonsense. I’m telling you I’ll be fine.”

“It’s just… I hate the thought of you going home from the hospital alone. You shouldn’t.”

“I won’t. Jared will be there.”

They talk a few more minutes, then Jensen has to hang up to give Rose her bottle. The nurse settles him in his bed, pillows arranged to support his arms, and gives her him the baby. He feels immediately better, just holding her. She’s awake, frowning, her dark blue eyes as round and shiny as marbles. 

“She looks just like you,” the nurse tells him.

Does she? Jensen can’t see any resemblance yet, and he doesn’t care. She’s pretty. Perfect.

Rose drinks half an ounce of milk. The nurse congratulates Jensen on the rapidity with which he makes her burp halfway through it.  
He keeps Rose close to him and fall asleep looking at her, thinking at how empty his life was before she came –even more so, before Jared came as well.

::: :::

Jared really wanted to sleep –he did. When he got home, he made a series of phone calls to his family to announce the birth of Rose, then got caught up in the tale of Jensen giving birth in the elevator, spending more than an hour combined explaining it. 

After this, he’s so hyped up on adrenaline he doesn’t even try to lie down, knowing he’ll never be able to sleep. He keeps relieving Rose’s birth, the moment she opened her mouth and started crying, Jensen’s expression when he learned that his little lodger was a girl. He smiles to himself like crazy while cleaning Sam’s cage. The ferret casts him a look that states clearly he thinks Jared has lost it. Jared decides to let him run around the apartment for a while. He promised Jensen he would get some rest. He can’t go back to the hospital right now.

Jared makes himself a bowl of cereal and sits at the kitchen table while Sam runs around it like crazy –he is a little crazy, come to think of it- and let his thoughts drift off to the kiss Jensen had given him in the middle of the night, while holding Rose against his chest.

Finally.

Jared knows Jensen’s mom will be there sooner rather than later, and he knows Jensen needs her. Still, he can’t help but regret the fact that they won’t be alone, and that whatever is going on between them will surely be put on hold, with Jensen learning how to care for Rose, trying to settle in a new routine with the baby, with the help of his mother. It’s great for him, not being alone in the first two weeks, but egoistically, Jared can’t help but think that he’ll have to make himself more discreet.

For the last month or so, there rarely has been a day where Jensen and he haven’t seen each other. Right now, Jared practically aches to be near him and the baby, little Rose Ackles, perfect and warm and defenseless, and all Jared wants is to hold her and protect her against any harm that could come to her.

_She’s not your kid, Jay, you have to realize that._

He knows. But it’s one thing to understand this on an intellectual level –it’s another entirely to tone down the feelings he has.

Jared looks at his watch. It’s three in the afternoon -he’s been gone for almost four hours. Surely Jensen will believe that he had time to take a nap.

Feeling excited like a little boy Jared grabs Sam and puts him back on his cage. The ferret gives him a nasty look. “I’m sorry,” Jared utters.

He isn’t, not really.

::: :::

Jensen isn’t alone in his room when Jared arrives. Osric is there, bent over the plastic crib where Rose is sleeping soundly, her hat lowered on her eyes. Jensen is sitting up in his bed, going through a huge box of chocolates.

“Your friend is awesome,” he tells Jared, smiling widely.

“Well, you did all the work, you deserve the gift. I’m sure Rose will understand this, right Rose?” Osric coos, using a childlike voice Jared has never heard from him before.

“You can pick her up, you know,” Jensen tells him. 

“I’m not sure I know how.”

“Jared will show you. He’s a natural.”

The compliment makes Jared ridiculously happy. He asks Osric to sit on the arm chair and takes Rose in his arms. She’s sucking on her pacifier lazily, relaxed and lax. Jared feels another surge of love toward her. He doesn’t want to give her to Osric. He wants to keep her for himself.

“Hey, I’m waiting here,” Osric complains.

“Right.”

Jared puts Rose in his friend’s arm, reminding him to hold her head. The smile on Osric’s face makes Jared feels proud, even though Rose is not his.

“She’s perfect, right?” He asks, unable to take his eyes away from her.

“She is,” Osric agrees. “Wow, Jensen, you did good.”

Jensen mumbles something around the chocolate in his mouth. Then, he pats the mattress next to him and makes a sign to Jared. He doesn’t need to be told twice. He sits close to Jensen and wonder what Osric would think if he’d kiss the other man right now.

“How are you doing?” He asks, trying to take his mind out of it.

“Fine, a little sore, but better than I expected. I walked around the room earlier.”

“Good.”

Jared can’t help himself. He softly brushes a strand of hair out of Jensen forehead. Jensen blushes, but wraps his arms around Jared’s neck. “I think I deserve a kiss, at least.”

“Of course you do,” Jared murmurs, complying.

He turns his head toward Osric to see if he witnessed all of it. Of course he did. He smiles mischievously. “Well, Rose, it appears that daddy Jensen and uncle Jared finally pulled their head out of their asses.”

“Shut up,” Jared mumbles.

“To Jared’s credit, though, it’s my fault, not his,” Jensen explains, grabbing Jared’s hand and pressing it. “I can be a tad obtuse.”

“Huh, funny how I always thought it was Jared’s fault. After all, _he_ can be a real moron when he puts the effort in it.”

Jared doesn’t bite. He’s just happy Jensen is comfortable enough to talk about what’s happening between them with Osric. Jensen doesn’t let go of his hand. Osric asks about how in hell Jensen found himself giving birth on the floor of an elevator. Jensen seems more than happy to explain it to him. His storytelling talent shows as he adds details and makes the suspense last, giving Jared a more important role than he really had. Osric laughs so hard at some point that he wakes Rose up. She whines and shakes her little legs. Immediately, Jared takes her from his friend’s arm and rocks her against his chest. 

“Yeah, he’s a bit possessive,” Jensen tells Osric.

He doesn’t seem to mind, though. There is something warm and affectionate in his voice.

When Osric leaves, it’s time for Rose to be fed. The nurse comes in with the already warmed up bottle and ask Jensen if he wants to stay in bed. 

“I think my friend should do it,” Jensen declares. “I’m a little tired.”

Jared looks at him for a long time. Jensen nods at him and smiles. “Only if you want to.”

“I… okay…” Jared sits in the arm chair and listens carefully to the nurse’s instruction. Soon enough, Rose is drinking, making all those adorable swallowing noise and hiccupping sighs. Her eyes are opened and she looks straight at Jared. He knows she can’t really see him, so he talks to her, murmuring sweet nonsense about how extraordinary she is and how she feeds like a pro. 

“He’s a natural,” the nurse says before leaving the room.

“That’s what I said,” Jensen tells her. 

“It’s not me, it’s her,” Jared protests. “She really is perfect.”

Later, when Rose has gone back to sleep in Jared’s arms, her head resting in the crook of his neck, her small body pressed against Jared’s chest, little bottom jutting out, Jensen takes a more serious expression and explains to Jared that his mom won’t be able to come. Jared has trouble believing the whole chickenpox thing, but Jensen lifts an eyebrow at him. “It’s me, Jared. Of course my mom will catch chickenpox at sixty three years old, and of course it will happen just when she was supposed to come here to help. So… I was wondering if you could come tomorrow and drive us back home.”

“They release you tomorrow? Isn’t it too soon?”

“Dr. Cortese came to see me this morning, and apparently, the baby and I are doing great. They don’t keep newborn and parents for a week like they used to do twenty years ago, you know.  
She said I could go home tomorrow, after her visit. I could stay for another day if I wanted to, but what’s the point? I’ll sleep better in my own bed.”

“Of course I’ll drive you guys home,” Jared says quickly. He pauses, then says, “I’ll stay with you, for a couple of days at least. You just had a baby, you need to rest.”

Jensen bites his lips and lowers his head, dragging a finger on the thread of his sheet like it’s the most fascinating thing he ever saw. “Well… maybe for a couple of days.” He snorts without any joy. “You don’t feel like I’m imposing this on you, right?”

Jared knows how fragile Jensen’s emotional state is right now. He tries to keep it simple, uncomplicated.

“I offered because I want to be there, Jen. I’m in love with you, I’m not being a useful friend. And I might be a tiny bit in love with Rose too. She was part of the Jensen I met and fell for, so it goes without saying.”

Jensen nods very slowly. “Okay, but Jay, I’m conscious that Rose is my daughter, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to take some responsibilities just because I’m a single father and we have feelings for each other.” 

“Aww, come on. It’s not a question of responsibilities or obligation. Don’t go over-thinking it, alright? There is no other place I would like to be more than with you and Rose. Trust me.” 

Seeing uncertainty still present in Jensen’s eyes, Jared closes the subject by kissing him, then offering him to go at the cafeteria grab him a coffee. Jensen’s eyes lighten up. “No decaf,” he says, smiling.

“Of course no decaf. I’m not an idiot.” Jared smiles back.

And the matter of Jared helping Jensen get back home seemed to be settled.  
::: :::  
That evening, Jared organizes a Skype session for Jensen and his parents, with the help of Mackenzie on the Ackles' end. At first, there is so much “aww’ing” and enthusiastic exclamations that a nurse comes to see what the fuss is all about. It gets quieter after that. Jared sees Jensen’s mom through the camera and can immediately tell she’s not feeling well. “Well, I might have caught cold, but this isn’t the chickenpox, see, no blisters?”

“Not yet,” Mackenzie cuts her off.

Donna Ackles glares at her and turns her attention back to Jensen. “Don’t listen to her baby. As soon as the fever clears up, she’ll realize she was wrong and I’m going to come take care of my grand-daughter.”

The chat goes on for another ten minutes, then Jensen yawns impressively and Mack takes control of the session, telling everyone that her brother needs his rest. He does, and it’s another whole minute of goodbyes and virtual kisses before Jared can finally close the laptop. Jensen smiles at him. “Rose fell asleep in the middle of the noise. Can you put her back in her crib?”

Jared does, then wraps up his laptop and wireless device, putting them back in his bag. When he turns to look at Jensen, he’s surprised to see him crying as silently as he can, his hand covering his mouth. 

Jared goes to sit next to him, handling him a box of Kleenex. Jensen thanks him and curses the damn hormones and fatigue for his emotional state. Jared tells him anyone who had just given birth in a freaking elevator has earned the right to cry as much as he wants. Jensen laughs through his tears.

“I miss them,” Jensen confesses. “My family, I… it’s the first time it hurts so much to be away from them all.”

“Must be hard,” Jared agrees in a soothing voice. “I’m sure you’ll get to see them soon, and in the meantime well, there’s me.”

“I know, you big sap,” Jensen laughs through his tears. “Just… I needed to get this out.”

Jensen gets closer to Jared and makes him wrap his arm around his shoulder, then he shoves his head in the crook of his neck. “Better,” he mumbles. 

Jared agrees. He understands how unsettling it must be for Jensen, not being able to share the arrival of his daughter with his family –despite the internet and Skype that makes everything easier, the physical proximity will always be irreplaceable.

::: :::

The morning Jensen is released from the hospital, the three nurses from the labor and delivery ward come to see him. There is a tradition that when there is a special birth, Amy explains, to write down the story and take pictures. There is a whole wall dedicated to it on their ward. They’ll only do it with Jensen’s permission, of course. He agrees easily. When it’s time to take the picture, Jared discreetly steps back, until Jensen realizes it he's out of the shot. “What are you doing, Padalecki? Come on, you belong in the picture,” he says in a gruff voice, but his eyes are shining with something tender and sweet. Jared nods and joins them, wrapping his arm around Jensen’s shoulder, looking down at Rose sleeping calmly in his arms. 

Then it’s time to go.

It’s so strange, coming back to Jensen’s house with Rose, Jared thinks, as he helps him out of the car. They were two when they left, now they're three. Jensen seems to be overwhelmed by it all as well, and Jared takes the lead, offering that he could take a bath when he appears nervous and agitated, hovering around Rose’s portable crib in the living room. She’s sleeping, has been since she left the hospital, and Jensen doesn’t seem to know what to do with himself. He accepts Jared’s offer and seems calmer after he gets out, wearing comfortable pajamas. Jared took the free time he had to prepare twenty-four hours’ worth of baby formula for Rose's feedings, all the bottles neatly aligned in the fridge and ready to be used. He also made an inventory of the fridge and pantry’s contents, making a list as he goes for when he’ll be able to go grocery shopping.

Rose’s first feeding after she’s back home is strangely uneventful. She drinks, burps, Jensen changes her diapers, and then she falls asleep right after, tucked in Jared’s arms. Jensen looks at them both, his hands resting on his hips. “Huh,” he says, frowning. 

“What?”

“I don’t know, I mean… That’s it?”

“Apparently,” Jared smiles.

The day after their return, Jensen’s mom calls him to announce she won’t still be able to come visit. The blisters are out, and she looks like an old hag and feels even worse, she tells him. Jensen doesn’t seem surprised. “I’ll manage,” he tells Jared, smiling bravely. 

Jared has no doubt Jensen can actually manage –he’s amazing. Jared has seen him, laying down on a freaking elevator floor, giving birth to a baby, and then still having it in him to laugh and enjoy the moment. To tell Jared he loved him that same night. He’s exhausted, and it shows in his pale face and dark circled eyes –he’s sore, holding himself cautiously, walking with a wider stance, wincing whenever he is. Still, Jared has to actually instruct him to rest, and to let Jared put Rose to sleep or feed her. 

Yes, Jensen can manage, but the truth is, that Jared doesn’t want him to manage by himself. He doesn’t want to go back to his apartment alone. It’s not even a question of wanting to help, it’s visceral; Jared badly wants to stay with them.

The third day, he has to go to work. It’s strange, trying to get in the right mind-set, going on with his previously normal life when nothing is the same, really. He witnessed a baby being born, he loves that kid, loves her father, and here they are; Jensen with Rose canted in the crook of his neck, near the door to say goodbye. 

“Call me after work,” Jensen smiles brightly, maybe a little too brightly, just like his eyes.

“Of course.”

It feels like saying goodbye forever, and although Jared makes it through his day, when it’s over, he can’t imagine not going back to Jensen and Rose. He does go to his apartment to grab some clean clothes and to get Sam. He drops the ferret at Osric’s place. “Long term baby-sitting, I guess,” Osric smiles and shrugs, grabbing the cage. “Come on, Sam, let’s drown ourselves in alcohol like any single person does when witnessing disgusting blind, true love.”

“Thanks,” Jared hugs his friend briefly. He’s neglected him in the past three months, he knows it and feels a slight pinch of guilt whenever he thinks about it. Nevertheless, Osric has only ever showed support, and Jared wishes that in the near future, he'll finally be able to get over his heartbreak and find a woman who deserves him.

Jensen doesn’t show his surprise when Jared enters the house, but he is surprised. Jared can tell by the way he’s folding laundry with nervous gestures, sitting on the living room couch while Rose naps in her portable bed. 

They start talking at the same time.

“Jared,I don’t want you to feel-“

“Listen, Jen, I don’t want to be-“

Jensen laughs, and blushes. “You go first. I figure, whatever you will be saying is better than what I want to tell you.”

 

Jared clears his throat. 

“I know what you’re gonna say. I’m not here ‘cause I think you shouldn’t be alone and you need help. I… don’t make me go back home, alright? I can’t stand the thought of going back so soon after… everything that happened.”

Jensen looks at him for a long time. His features are soft. “Rose made the most adorable noise today, right after she drank her noon bottle. Something between a yawn and a coo and -geez, I’m not going to try to describe it to you, but I thought, damn it, Jared missed it. And maybe… just maybe, Jay, I’m trying too hard you know? I mean, she isn’t your daughter, and I got you so involved. You cut the cord, you…”

“I _want_ to be involved.”

Jensen snorts. “I know, and I want to stop asking myself if I’m not putting too much on your shoulders.”

“Then stop.”

There is another, long second of silence, heavy with everything Jensen is not saying.

“Okay, I’m stopping now. No more doubts about us, alright?”

Jared thinks that the way he practically launches himself at Jensen and kisses him like there is no tomorrow is a reasonable reaction.

::: :::

Somehow, Jared never leaves. Not after two weeks, not when Jensen’s whole family arrives to spend a week at the end of January. He just stays. Whether it's because of the circumstances, of Jensen’s mother catching chickenpox at sixty, or because he’s crazy in love with Jensen and Jensen might be into it just as deep, Jared just doesn’t leave.

Like everything that concerns Jensen, it’s kind of accidental, but if it means sharing Jensen’s life, Jared wouldn’t want it any other way.

____

_a/n: So many of you guys commented about my two characters needing to get it on that I had to have Osric speak in your name by saying that Jared and Jensen have finally pulled their head out of their asses. Also, I'm a bit sorry for the misleading title -but just a bit ;-) Only the epilogue left!_

_Love you all,  
Etoile_

____


	9. Epilogue

_8 months later_

Jensen will always remember the exact moment he made his decision. It’s a morning like any other, and he’s mashing a banana to feed Rose while Jared makes toast for the both of them. All their mornings are like this: relaxed, easy-going. Rose sleeps through the night since she’s three months old, and she’s the perfect baby, smiling so wide when she wakes up, looking at Jensen like he’s her whole universe. Sometimes it still touches him to the core, how amazing she is, and she’s his daughter. She never was a crier; she likes to look all around herself calmly for minutes at a time, like the world is such a fascinating place that she doesn’t need anything else to enjoy herself. Jared always says she takes after Jensen, for the looks as well as for the character. “She needs to take everything in, save it up for when she’s going to be a writer like her dad.”

That's what she does that morning, waiting patiently for her banana and drinking her bottle of milk without any haste, her soft blond hair mussed from the sleep, her wet and wide smile showing her two teeth.

Jared sits down with the toast and spreads a thick layer of peanut butter on Jensen’s, just the way he likes it. Seeing both of them facing her, Rose gets a little excited and bangs on her high chair tray, babbling a series of “d-d-d-dhu!” She’s so close to saying _dada_ it’s not even funny –sometimes Jensen has the impression she’s holding it back on purpose. 

“Thanks,” Jensen says as he takes his plate from Jared’s hands.

“Love you,” Jared says, because Jared likes to say _I love you a lot_ , and Jensen has absolutely no problem with this.

Then it happens. In her high-pitched voice, Rose start to say “d-dhu-dhu-dhu” again and again, her tone getting louder and higher. 

“It’s dada, and you know it,” Jensen tells her, poking at her nose.

Rose’s eyes cross in concentration, and she keeps going until a loud and wet “DADA!” gets out of her grimacing mouth. 

Jensen’s mouth drops open. “Yes! Yes! That’s it, baby…Dada…”

Rose repeats it again and again, and that’s when Jensen realizes she’s not looking at him, not at all. She’s looking at _Jared_ , whom doesn’t seem to notice because he’s too busy getting his cellphone out; as Rose’s official life recorder (as Jensen likes to call him), her first word is something he can’t miss.

Rose just called Jared dada. In the general explosion of joy that follows this exploit, Jared never really notices he was the intended recipient, and Jensen is filled with an almost savage love for this man who raises his daughter with him like she’s his own.

And yes, it’s more than time he did something about it.

::: :::

Living with Jensen is never boring.

“Papa’s late,” Jared tells Rose, who’s busy playing with her Winnie the Pooh blocks in her playpen.

They’re going out to dinner. Jared took the time to dress Rose in her best dress, green with white dots. Hell, he put her in some tights, which took him ten whole minutes and left the both of them panting and red in the face.

Seeing as Rose is drooling right now, she will soak through her bib sooner than later, and she’ll wet her already crumpled dress. She’s cutting a tooth, according to Jensen.

“Pa-pa-pa-pa!” Rose babbles, maybe to make conversation while Jared is back at the window, looking at the snow falling.

“Yeah, papa is definitely late.” He answers distractedly.

Rose has taken upon herself to call Jared _dada_. It started two months ago, despite Jared’s desperation to see her reserve the word to for Jensen. He’d always called himself uncle Jared before that, and couldn’t understand why Jensen wasn’t upset about it. 

After two days of “dada” solely directed to him, Jensen had sat down with Jared in their bed, still glistening with shower droplets and so desirable it had taken Jared a long time to process that Jensen wanted to talk, not have hot, passionate sex. 

“Does it bother you because you feel like it implies you too much? I’d understand, you know, I mean, you’re not her father, and if you think-“

And Jared had gotten it, the fear that was barely hidden behind Jensen’s words, and had hated himself for letting him think that way for two whole days. 

“No no no, but you… she should call you dada, not… I mean, Jensen, I feel like she’s my daughter, I can’t imagine my life without her, you know that, and-“

“Good,” Jensen had cut him off, smiling. “Because that’s the way I feel too, and I’m proud, do you understand me? I’m proud her first word was for you.” 

That night, sex went beyond hot and passionate. They’d actually broken one of the bed’s feet.   
::: :::

Living with Jensen is never boring because, true to his warning on the first day they met, he gets assaulted by all kinds of strange happenstance, accidents, and bad luck, on an almost daily basis. His car breaks down, he gets trapped in elevators, the toaster malfunctions and catches fire when he uses it. Most of the time, though, that bad luck doesn’t have any lasting consequences, which has led Jared to develop his own theory that, in fact, Jensen is the luckiest person in the world, going through so many potentially dangerous adventures and always coming out intact (more or less) on the other side.

There it is, finally. Jensen’s car.

“Hey! Papa’s here!” Jared lets out a sigh of relief because, if life with Jensen is never boring, it’s often nerve-wracking. He waves in the window while Jensen looks up at the house, bracing himself against the wind, his arms full of papers. He smiles at Jared while missing a step and barely keeps himself up. Better not to look. 

These days, Jensen spends more time with Osric than he does with Jared; almost enough to make him jealous. Jensen had originally planned not to start writing again, or working on anything seriously, until one and a half years after the baby’s birth. He can afford it financially, and that’s what he did during the first six months following Rose’s birth.

Except Jensen also spent a lot of time in the nursery –enough time to appreciate the beautiful work Osric painted, and ask questions about the young man’s artistic talent and how he ended up working as a plumber. For a long time, Jensen had had an idea about making a graphic novel version of _Vivian Thirteen,_ and after seeing other drawings from a very reluctant Osric, he’d been convinced that this was just the artist he needed. 

Jared had been surprised at first by his boyfriend’s determination, even more so when, two weeks later, Osric had accepted to work with him. Since then, Jensen spends a lot of time working on adapting his first novel to a graphic format, and checking with Osric if the progression of the illustrations is going in the right direction. There have been many phone calls and Skype sessions with his agent, a gruff but apparently very devoted man named Christian Kane. The publication house that Jensen has worked with ever since the beginning of his writing career doesn’t publish graphic novels, and it’s been a long –and complicated, with Jensen’s existing contract -process finding a new one.

True, all of this only takes Jensen a few hours a week at the beginning, but now, it’s quite a bit more. Jared is all for Jensen being happy with the new project, even though he misses him some evenings because that’s mostly when he goes to Osric's, except on the weekends like today, but he knows he’s being a little selfish. He just wants to be with Jensen every single minute they can spend together. Over the months, Jared’s love for Jensen has only grown stronger, and he knows that the clumsy, ill-lucked, wonderful man is the love of his life. Him, and the child they raise together.

“Sorry!” Jensen yells as soon as he’s entered the house.

He walks into the living room quickly. “Gimme five and I’m ready,” he says, passing through to go into their bedroom.

“Well, you’re the one who invited us to the restaurant,” Jared answers, bending over Rose’s playpen to take her into his arms.

“Yes, I did, and I can’t wait,” Jensen explains from the other room. 

Going out to eat with a ten months old severely reduces the choice of a restaurant. It has to be family friendly, the service has to be rapid enough, and the food good because otherwise, hell, they might as well be eating at home. Jensen chose the Greek place he loves so much, a couple of blocks away from the plumbing company.

He’s ready in less than five minutes. When he comes back out to Jared and Rose, already dressed in warm clothes, he still has the thin black leather portfolio he carries with him when he goes to work with Osric. He sees the look Jared casts it and smiles reassuringly. “Just want to show you some great drawings Osric made today,” he explains casually.

Jensen is appears nervous, though, and he's avoiding Jared’s eyes. Jared wonders if he should be worried, if anything odd is going on. Jensen is easily readable, usually, but right now, Jared is a bit confused by his behavior.

::: :::

Jensen’s nervousness continues until the end of the dinner: he’s distracted, eats only half of his plate –even Rose’s antics don’t seem to get to him. It's enough that, by dessert time, Jared gets annoyed. “Listen, Jen, if you had more work to do at Osric’s place, or if something is bothering you, we could’ve postponed the dinner.”

He must look annoyed as well because Jensen stares at him for a long second, looking sincerely surprised. Then he blushes and brushes his hand over his face. “Fuck, I’m didn’t even notice, Jay. I… there is no other place I want to be right now, I swear. I’m sorry I… Yeah, I’m distracted, but I have a good reason.”

Jensen takes his time putting some small strawberry pieces on Rose’s high chair table, then turns back to Jared. He’s now sweating, and by the way his chest is moving, he must be breathing way too fast.

“Hey, baby, are you okay?” Jared asks, all of his irritation gone, replaced by worry. If there is a bug hanging out somewhere, you can be sure that Jensen will catch it.

“No,” Jensen clears his throat. “I mean, yes, I’m okay, I… Jay, I have something I want to tell you.”

Jensen laughs nervously and unzips his leather portfolio, sliding his hand inside. He seems to grab something, but his hand stays where it is. He takes Jared’s hand with the other.

“What’s going on?” Jared asks, and it’s been a long time since he’s felt this confused.  
“I huh… Listen. You… I love you, okay? And since we’ve met, my life has taken a turn for the better, and I’m so glad you answered that emergency call for a plumber when my basement got flooded, and…”

Jensen takes a second to breathe. His hand is now shaking on top of Jared’s. And slowly, Jared realizes what the hell his boyfriend is trying to get across, and it’s his turn to start sweating.

“Jesus, I had prepared this whole speech, but I can’t remember a fucking word. Let’s… M’gonna keep it simple, okay? I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Jay. I can’t think of a better father for Rose. You’re my lucky charm, and I want you to…”

Jensen finally gets his hand out of the leather envelope, and sure enough, it’s holding a small jewelry box covered in grey velvet. Rose makes a surprised, “ooooh” sound just like she realizes exactly what is going on. 

Jared’s mouth gapes open, like a fish out of the water. He looks at Jensen, who’s now beet red, smiling nervously at him.

“Fuck, Jen,” is all Jared can utter. His heart is pounding so hard, so loud, he can’t hear himself think.

“It’s… Will you marry us?” Jensen asks in a trembling murmur, opening the box to show a thick but simple ring, part silver and part gold.

“Both of you?” Jared asks, smiling, needing to alleviate lighten the atmosphere a little.

Jensen gives him a determined look and takes a pile of papers out of his leather case. “Yes, us. I want… Fuck, I want you to be her father, Jay, as much as I want you to marry me. She’s… for her, you already are, and I want it official, okay?”

Jared doesn’t see much past the first sentence written on the sheet Jensen is handing out to him. “Adoption Procedures”, it says. 

That’s when it hits him, so hard it’s like he’s been punched in the guts. He takes a look at Rose who’s busy licking her tiny, strawberry-covered hand. That’s his daughter right there. He’s known this for quite some time, how he feels about her. He was there when Jensen grabbed her and introduced her to the world. Jared has rocked her to sleep, fed her, changed her diapers, taken her to the doctor that time she was sick. Every morning, when she wakes up, she smiles at him, and he knows she thinks it too. That he’s her father, as much as Jensen is.

“Yeah,” Jared gets out in a strangled voice. He tries again, looking at Jensen who’s waiting nervously, biting his lower lip. “Yes, of course, yes, do you really think I don’t want this as much as you do?” 

They hug, and it’s all kind of awkward over the table, and Rose is getting impatient, banging on her high chair tray and whining for some attention. Jared holds Jensen fiercely, can feel his boyfriend’s heartbeat against his own. He doesn’t want to let go. Ever.

“You huh… you’re crushing me a bit, you giant sap,” Jensen whispers in a strangled voice.

“Right…” Jared laughs nervously, letting go.

“You didn’t even let me put the ring on you.” 

“I love you, Jensen. Love you so fucking much.”

Jensen blinks a few times, holding back tears that hadn’t showed ever since Rose’s birth. “Wanna head back home?”

“I’m going to fuck you senseless, you know that, right?” Jared winks exaggeratedly at him.

“I am counting on it,” Jensen answers in a low, dirty voice.

::: :::

Later, much later, when they are through with a second round of sex during which Jensen rode Jared hard and fast, stripping his cock almost frantically before coming all over his stomach; later, as they rest in each other’s arms, dozing away, sated and content, something comes back to Jared, and he figures, if he doesn’t say it now he’ll never be able to do so. He kisses Jensen’s lips to get his attention.

“Fuck, I won’t be able to walk straight tomorrow,” Jensen says in a lazy, gruff voice.

“Hey. Got something to tell you, alright?”

“Okay, yeah, I’m listening,” Jensen answers, lifting up his upper body so that his head is resting in his hands.

“Remember that first time we met? We went to have pizza and we talked.”

“F’course I remember.”

“Well, I was… I don’t think I knew it like… consciously, but I was already falling for you and I wanted us to have something, anything, whether it was friendship or more… And you were telling me about your bad luck and…”

Jared stops to compose himself. Damn it, it’s not a big deal, not a big deal at all. Jensen frowns at him. “And…?”

“And my grandfather’s story, about winning the lottery twice because he was so lucky, that’s true, you know it. And huh… I thought, you could use some good luck, and I could help you with that, so I told you I had inherited my grandfather’s luck but…”

Jared stops and swallows, hard. Jensen is still looking confused, and maybe for a good reason. Maybe Jared doesn’t make sense at all. “I made it up,” he breathes out. “I’ve never been especially lucky. I said it to make you feel better and huh… I’m sorry.”

To Jared’s surprise, Jensen giggles and shakes his head. “I know.”

“You know?” Jared can’t hide his stupefaction.

“I’ve known it for a long time. Damn it, Jay, it’s… Don’t look like you’ve done something terrible. When you took me to the barbecue for your father’s birthday, he and I talked for a long time, about a lot of things. And the subject of your grandfather’s luck came up, and I asked about you, and your dad told me. He told me he never considered you especially lucky. He said you were a clumsy, accident-prone, normal kid.”

Jensen giggles a little bit more. Jared shakes his head in disbelief. “But you… you kept bringing it up, that I was your lucky charm, that I-“

“Hey, whoa, calm down,” Jensen caresses Jared’s cheek and looks at him with so much affection in his eyes it’s hard for Jared not to lower his. “This doesn’t change anything. You are my lucky charm because I want you to be; it’s always come down to this. You were there, each time I needed you, making everything better, going with the flow, taking care of me when we barely knew each other. Of course you’re my good luck charm, of course we balance each other. That’s what I chose to believe a long time ago. That’s what I still believe. What you might think is a lie doesn’t change anything about that.”

It doesn’t. Jared thinks back over everything that has happened since that time he answered Jensen’s call and said yes when the other man spontaneously offered sex. He gets what Jensen is saying, and it fills him with love and the urge to protect him, against anything, really.

Him, as well as his daughter. Their daughter.

“I can go with that,” he says simply.

They’re about to kiss again when Rose’s soft cries come wailing through the baby monitor.

“Of course,” Jensen grumbles. “That’s her damn tooth that’s bothering her.”

He’s already halfway out of bed when Jared grabs his hand.

“You,” he says.

“What?”

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happen to me. And maybe we have it all wrong, you know. Maybe you are my good luck charm.”

Jensen smiles, and Jared thinks he’ll never get tired of that smile. Ever.

He lets him go, happy and content. He doesn’t fall asleep: instead, he listen to the baby monitor, listen to Jensen singing to his daughter to put her back to sleep, and thinks that sometimes, happiness is as simple as that.


End file.
